Okay, here’s where I lay my scene. I’m visiting a friend’s house, looking after it while she’s away. I get out of the shower and am walking around the house as I dry my hair. Her pets are fine, so I turn away and am about to walk to the bathroom when I feel… yes, I feel something cold, then something warm and wet go up my ass crack. I stop, towel on my head, and struggle to understand what just happened to me.
I turn around to look at the suspects. Had I turned around earlier, I might have caught the culprit, now I just see two big dogs and a big (and I mean big) hopping parrot staring back at me. Their eyes were totally saying, “Yeah, what are you going to do about that?” So I stand there, still towelling my head, trying to deduce who it was. I’d like to rule out the steroid parrot, but I don’t know if it has a tongue or not and my violation did start with something cold… perhaps a beak?
I turn away from them again and keep toweling my head, hoping they’ll try it again. They don’t. Pretty soon I’m starting to bend over and point at my ass to encourage the guilty party when, wham! the front door opens and my friend drops her bags as she sees us.
I remain unmoving, in my strange sexually submissive pose, then straighten up, face her, and say, “You know what? There is an explanation, but you’re not getting it.” Then I go back to the bathroom and practise working on my poker face.
Apparently the shy dog likes to do that when he thinks you’re not paying attention.
What’s funniest to me, at this moment, is that my friend’s reaction wasn’t about what she stumbled into, but that I didn’t know about her dog’s proclivities.
Great story, Anal Scurvy. I’m not sure why dogs think that our body cavities are their personal property, but my brother’s dogs do the same thing - I was treated to that when I housesat and dogs for a week. Nothing like a cold, wet nose in your butthole to wake you up in the mornings
