I’ll tell ya.
Jaymoseying.
Jaymeandering.
Jaysauntering.
Jayswaggering.
Jay-taking-your-good-old-time-even-when-you’re-in-the-middle-of-a-motherfreaking-45mph-highway-ing.
Never mind that the damn crosswalk is only a few yards away. No, you have to make any section of the road your own personal sidewalk, causing motorists to slam on their brakes just to avoid hitting your sorry, slowpokey ass, because they know you’d just blame them and sue the crap out of them for running you over.
I don’t mind the jaymoseyers so much - not even the ones who stop in the middle of the street to light a cigarette or whatever. I’ve got a certain respect for people who have absolutely no regard for their own saftey and hold the multi-ton machines hurtling towards them in complete contempt.
The ones who piss me off are the fake runners - the assholes who will make an exaggerated show of courteously sprinting across the street to get the fuck outta my way, but really aren’t moving any faster than walking speed.
That’s when I throw my car in to park and start revving the motor as they cross in front of me.
Don’t forget sympathy jaywalkers.
I most often see this in crosswalks, going against the light. Guy comes up, see’s that he can make it if he goes so he sprints across the street. Then the sympathy jaywalkers, seeing the other guy go, assume they can to and just begin to walk into the street. No looking, they just assume the first guy knew what he was doing. Damn that makes my heart skip a beat to watch.
Eh? I’ve never seen this. How much extra trouble can it be to really move faster as long as you’re willing to simulate it?
The people who bug me are the ones in the crosswalk who figure that because you’re legally obligated to stop for them, they have a perfect right to be in the crosswalk as long as they please. So they saunter very sloooowly across the street. Myself, I figure if someone is going to stop for me, I should at least show my appreciation by getting the hell out of their way as quickly as possible.
The ones that irritate the hell out of me are the ones who cross diagonally as slowly as possible. Look, I was nice enough to not run your ass over, please be nice enough to at least jaywalk in a 90 degree angle to the street. Assholes.
Absolutely. It never occurred to me to stay in somebody’s way as long as possible, or to trudge across the crosswalk long after my green “walk” light is gone.
But that’s me.
Oh, I do that.
It’s my way of saying, “I know you’re waiting for me. Thanks for stopping, but damned if I’m really going to break into a sprint out here on the road.”
I have a “friend” who told me once, a car was waiting for her to cross and the woman rolled down the window and yelled, “walk a little slower, BITCH!”
Thing is, she walks incredibly slow AND I wouldn’t put it past her to intentionally slow down if she thought she was irritating someone.
In the neighborhood where I used to live, there was a woman with a baby carriage who would purposely cross the street slowly, intentionally putting herself in the way of traffic. Then if a car came within 10 feet of her, she’d stop it and give the driver a 5 minute lecture on how he was endangering her child and failing to give right of way to pedestrians. She would do this several times a day.
I completely agree.
And what about those times when you’re NOT legally obligated to stop for them, like when you stop and give them the “go ahead” wave in a shopping-center parking lot and they don’t so much as smile or give the “thank you” nod and still walk slow as fuck in front of you?
Whenever a pedestrian, I take on the attitude that everyone behind the wheel of a car is insane and trying to hit me, and behave accordingly. You will never see me lingering in front of a manned automobile.
What pisses me off are the teenagers around here (am I really old enough to be pitting teenagers??) who walk up the middle of the freakin’ road until a car comes along and then give you this whole attitude because THEY’ve got to get out of the way for YOU. It’s a ROAD. Walk on the SIDEWALK.
Sometimes I think the modern Mr. Walkers and Mr. Wheelers have become even worse. Here in California where all pedestrians are assumed to have right of way all the time (and don’t get me started on that rant) these kids today (yes, I’m old enough to rant about teenagers) freakin’ saunter across the street. I’ve watched from behind the wheel and from the sidewalk and they slllooooooooooow dooooooooowwwn like cartoon character on ether when cars are there. It’s as bad as the people who deliberately delay pulling out of a parking spot when someone is waiting. WTF has gone wrong with modern manners that people won’t care for their own safety?
I’d like to add to the list:
Guy that stands around inches from the street within the crosswalk. He’s not crossing and he has no idea that you’re watching him, wondering what the hell he’s doing. He’s just hanging out on the exact edge of the sidewalk, oblivious to the world. (Only applies if there’s no busstop there).
False-start guy. Starts to go, stops, goes back, wait - he’s lost, there he goes again. Goes great with impatient tailgating guy behind you.
NYC is a pedestrian town, and it still amazes me how dumb people are about walking sometimes. I saw a guy crossing against the light on an avenue bolting across the road right in front of a car doing about 30mph. Why is this so dumb? It was at the tail end of the avenue’s green light, so there was about 5 seconds left before that last car went past and there would be a HUGE empty space to walk across. He had to save those 5 seconds and put himself in danger…
Then there are the street standers. While waiting for the walk signal, they stand as close to the moving traffic as possible, either on the edge of the sidewalk, or right in the road if cars are parked along the sides. All I think is, one little twitch of a wheel, and you’re runover, all for an extra 5 feet closer while you’re waiting.
So…where did you used to live: Lexington, Cambridge, or Brookline? 
And here’s a related rant: People who deliberately walk right behind your car when you’re trying to back out of a space. You have to keep slamming on the brakes. Now I just honk a lot before backing out just to let the eedjits know I’m coming.
I nearly got out of the car to scream obscenities at total strangers in a church parking lot because all the famdamilies getting their kids christened that day insisted on walking right behind my car when they knew I was backing out, and they could easily have chosen another path. I have become so cynical about this stuff that I really do believe they’re all secretly hoping to get hit so they can sue the drivers.
One more in the pile-on: Pedestrians who stand 4-5 feet into the friggin’ street while waiting for the signal so they can cross.
They’re clear of traffic going straight through, but they’re smack in the middle of the (often explicitly marked) right turn lane/pocket/whatever, which sits very close to the curb.