“For a good legal time call 403-XXX-XXXX” 
Us, smug? Nawwwww…
And I forgot to add “job” in that sentence.
…You have never seen a Courtroom Drama on TV or in a film where the Examination-in-Chief (Direct Examination for you Americans) is done properly. Apparently “Thou shalt not lead” is something the writers have never heard off.
…You really really do enjoy paperwork.
…But you think Advocacy is the essence of being a lawyer
…You hate divorce cases, the make you depressed.
…But boy are they good for gossip.
…You really hope that the Bench or Jury takes itsn sweet time in reaching a decision since the bar room in the Court Complex is awesome.
… when these are things you’ve said to clients repeatedly (or wanted to!)
“You got locked up for no reason, eh?”
“Yes, they didn’t read you your rights. No, it doesn’t matter.”
“Why don’t we see about getting a dismissal first. Then I’ll refer you to a civil lawyer and you can sue all the cops you want.”
“That the handcuffs hurt your wrists is not a defense to the charge you’re being tried for.”
“‘She’s not going to show up,’ isn’t really the best way to prepare for this trial.”
“You have to pay court costs for the jury because you demanded a jury.”
“You can’t take their offer now. The jury has convicted you.”
…You think in between the judge,jury and your client, you and opposing counsel are the only sane persons in the courtroom.
–you get annoyed because “conclusory” is not in the MS Word dictionary.
–Your nonlawyer spouse knows what 12(B)6 means.
–you think this is kind of funny.
Hey ho. Alternately,
- You regards wigs and gowns as a key privilege.
- You are very keen on a brief bag in red.
- Kinda diligent about ellipses.
- A fallback comfort is the thought that you mix with lots of attractive young professional women.
QFT.
When you respond to your SO in an argument “why you bringin up the past, I already did my time for that!”
When you greet all the local panhandlers downtown by name
You can get up in front of a prospective jury and start talking about masturbation without any embarrassment whatsoever
Those are more public defender things, though. How many PD’s we got on here?
I’ve been a lawyer for all of two months and I start my second week of getting paid for it tomorrow.
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That, and about 1,000 other words. And Black’s doesn’t sell an installable dictionary macro so you just have to live with it.
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“I’m going to have to 12(b)(6) that” has been a staple since 1L year. It’s great because I can hold off on admitting or denying until later. But evidently MsNito does not understand the rule, because it never gets me anywhere.
Mine:
Your SO always pays extra attention when a legal story comes on NPR because she thinks you’ll be interested. When she tells you about it that night, you immediately ask about some detail no sane person would bother to pay attention to. Of course, she does not remember if the Court was affirming judgment on a jury verdict or reversing judgment on the pleadings. An interesting conversation is stillborn.
“Counsel, please elaborate on the meaning of 12(b)(6) for those of our professional colleagues who are not called in the United States.”
Federal Rules of Civil Procedure 12(B)(6) = motion to dismiss for “failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted.” In the US, it replaced the common law demurrer.** Unlike a demurrer plea, the defendant need not admit the facts in the pleading. Instead, they are all taken as true by the court, and the legal sufficiency examined from the perspective. If the motion is granted, it means that even if every fact stated in the complaint is true, there is still no legal right or injury the court can recognize.
**Another hint you might be a lawyer: this sentence means something to you.
In the federal system.
I say this to note that common law states (like Virginia) retain the demurrer.
ahh, rule 187. I’m good now. carry on.
^
Order 7, Rule 11 for me.
and continuing on that theme…
You get excited when you open an annotated statute and it contains equivalency tables for corresponding statutes in three other provinces as well as the federal version.
Oh yeah, I’m sure the defense attorney on one of our recent cases got this one. Turned down an offer of 15 years, went to trial, and the jury gave him sixty years. Talk about an “ouch”.
…you can write things such as “the learned judge erred in law” with a straight face
…you have gone to court being so sick that the expert medical witness takes one look at you and asks the bailliff to call an ambulence.
…when you ask the judge if he has the papers of the case and he replies “yes and I have read them”, you have to stop yourself from saying “I did’nt know you could read!”.