The thread on the Duke rape case and the astonishing figure of $5 million in legal fees for the boys got me thinking about lawyer jokes. Here’s one to start:
An old miser is on his deathbed, and in pondering the conventional wisdom of “you can’t take it with you” defiantly thinks to himself, “why can’t I take it with me?”. He arranges to have a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer see him before his departure.
He gives them $30,000 cash each and instructs them to come to his funeral and throw the money on his casket in an envelope before they bury him, forever sealing him with his fortune. He dies, the funeral takes place, and each man dutifully throws his envelope on the casket just before they cover it with dirt.
While riding home, the doctor pipes up, “You know, I’m feeling kind of guilty. Our practice really needs a new X-ray machine, and in order to help pay for it I only put $25,000 in the envelope.”
With this, the priest chimes in, “Yes, I too have to confess. I took some of the money for much-needed improvements to our church, and only put $20,000 in the envelope.”
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, the lawyer quips, “You gentlemen should be ashamed of yourselves!”
“What?” they both remark, “Are you trying to tell us you did exactly as he told you?”
“Absolutely!” he exclaims. “My envelope contained a check for the full amount.”
