Little did I know my mother had been showing my picture around…
Personally, I know my self-confidence can vary from one day to another. There are days I’ll look in the mirror and think, “Damn, I look good!” And other days when I’ll look in the mirror and wish that I hadn’t.
I think that personality traits play more of a factor in how attractive a person is, but more if you know the person. When I see some stranger on the street, and think he’s attractive, I have no idea if he’s self-confident, or a great guy, or a total prick. If I got to know him, and found he was a total prick, I probably wouldn’t think he was attractive. Conversely, there are some people who I started to think were attractive, after getting to know them personally.
No need to apologize. Threads frequently get hijacked. Sometimes badly so.
What you’re stating is quite easily recognizable. If someone has a low level of self-confidence or self-respect, that, most likely, will manifest itself in their actions, what they say, how they behave, etc. Unless, of course, they cover it up, in which case you have to get to know them more before you figure this out. Masks can be annoying, but I shouldn’t complain . . .
Feel free to ask Spider Woman about what I said to her. You might be interested by my perceptions. You might not. Best way to find out: ask.
Attractiveness seems to have little to do with looks. It defintely comes from inside, although once again, like beauty, the idea of what makes a person attractive seemes to vary from person to person and culture to culture. Intense and mysterious flips the switch in one person, quiet and unassuming in another, outgoing and confident in someone else.
The men who have been attracted to me have told me it was because I seemed like someone who was having a good time, and who they could have a good time with (in bed & out). Clothes and makeup seem to have nothing to do with it, and wherever my weight is in the arc thay I call normal appears irrelevant. I only started attracting interest when I said screw this, I’m going to look the way I want and say what I think.
I think, that a lot of times, if a person is introverted, many things are not apparent upon first meeting them. And sometimes (I know, because this has happened to me) this characteristic is wrongly seen as lack of intelligence, or lack of self-esteem. Which makes me wonder, are extroverted people more likely to be seen as attractive?
Some extroverts sem ugly to me because they just try so damn hard! C’mon, leave me alone! I’d like to just sit and eat in peace and quiet, damn you!
My standard modi operati (sp?): if someone wants to get to know me that badly, most of the time I’ll humor him/her. Sometimes, out of fear I’ll scare 'em, I don’t start off with the scary shit. Persistence, up to a point, is good. I haven’t been attracted to many shy people, and I think the same is true the other way around.
However, persistence when I have gotten thoroughly annoyed with the person usually causes me to either try to scare them or suddenly have something to do.
And the fact that I’m shy basically means just that: I’m shy. It’s one of my characteristics. It’s based on other things that’ve happened to me, most of which you (whoever I’m meeting or talking to) will think . . . “gee, that sucks” or something similar. I’m not broken, don’t try to heal me:) I’ll open you up to me if I feel we can both handle it.
My mother’s and grandmother’s mantra when I was growing up was “you must suffer to be beautiful”. My mom, in her attempts to make me look beautiful would pluck my eyebrows, squeeze zits, and not allow me to leave the house until I put on a full face of makeup on. I’d get makeup every gift-giving occasion, and it sucked.
What she didn’t pay much attention to is that my skin is VERY sensitive. My eyebrows bled when she’d pluck them, and I have acne scars on my face from squeezed zits. I got the zits from the makeup.
Now, my idea of looking beautiful is to make sure I don’t have a milk/pop/coffee mustache on my upper lip.
My mother doesn’t really harp on me too much about “being beautiful” She tries to get nice clothes for me, etc, but she never pressures me to buy makeup. I’m not very “girly” My sister is, and I’m happy for her. But I do not wear makeup, or jewelry, or dresses.
But I never thought I was beautiful. I would look in the mirror and grimace, and I would do everything I could to hide from people. Nobody ever really complimented me, or when someone did, I would be convinced they were lying.
For the past 2 years, every time my BF sees me, he tells me that I am beautiful. After about 6 months, I began to realize he was serious. After another 6 months, I began to believe him. Now, I can look at myself in the way he sees me, and I don’t need his constant reassurance (Though sometimes it’s nice) now I can be confident in myself because I AM beautiful, and I see that now.
I mean… looking like a cooked piece of toast is grotesque, not attractive. It’s also very unhealthy. I have pale skin and I LIKE pale skin. Tanned skin looks abnormal and disturbing to me. If anywhere I worked tried to tell me I needed to be tan, I’d tell them where to shove their idiotic head (right up their carcinoma-covered ass)
I can see the makeup and hair and clothes… but to insist that you damage your body to match a preconceived notion of what is attractive <i>to some people</i> is really going WAY too far.
It’s so bizarre for me to read about people’s moms trying to get them dolled up. It’s so far from my own experience, I guess. When I show pictures of my mom to people, they think she is a man. Her favorite movie is Yentl. She has said on a number of occassions that she wishes she’d been born a man. She hasn’t dated in over 25 years. Personally, I think she’s probably gay, but she’s wayyyy too Christian to ever admit it, even to herself. Anyway, she dresses in courduroy business suits with patches on the elbows and jogging suits and stuff. She doesn’t wear makeup. She has short, butch hair. She is the least feminine person I know. In fact, she’s rather distinctly “macho”…
So in my own experience, moms don’t care about beauty, and roll their eyes when you want to wear makeup.
I think it is very rude to suggest that someone else change their appearance, although I must admit that I am sorely tempted to say something to one particular friend of mine. The dear woman over-plucks her eyebrows something awful. I hate to think of her spending all that extra time doing something painful to her face that only makes her look less attractive. But I keep my mouth shut because I know how much I hate the old “You’d look so pretty if. . .”
Once, when I was young (HS) and didn’t know better, I offered unsolicited beauty advice to a friend. I realized quickly that I’d hurt her feelings. Haven’t done it since. I don’t get a lot of unsolicited beauty advice. In fact, I can’t remember any. But I’m of the make-up if I feel like it, none if I don’t school of thought. And you know what? I like my face. It’s not going to make me a super-model, but it works for me, and my hubby (and friends and family) tell me that I’m really very pretty without it. But mostly, according to hubby, people think I’m pretty because of the sense that I care about them. And I usually have a smile for everyone. It makes me happy that people feel that way about me. I think a smile is all the make-up most people need…
Shrieeeeekk! I used to supervise a woman who would shave her eyebrows completely off and then would pencil them back on as thin, dark, giant half-circles that terminated lower than the corners of her eyes. It was very disturbing. Espescially when she’d have visible stubble emphasizing the fact that she actually had very thick natural brows.
teehee! i have a similar wardrobe only mine mostly in blues and greens. heavy on tshirts and jeans, some khakis, and yellow, brown, and sparkly items for variety. no floral print anything, and not many dresses. also i have blazers and a flannel or two. (if any body cares i really hate shopping for clothes!) :rolleyes: :eek:
and one day i was chatting with another intern at the nursing home, “I have four dresses: teal sequin, a navy
dress with sparkles at the hem, one blue sundress and one white sundress. i do not like to wear dresses much”
Her reply? “Oh, you will get over that, you cannot have too many dresses.” What the fuck! :rolleyes: :wally :eek:
to me dresses are more trouble than they are worth. i can and do enjoy getting “dressed up” to go have fun.
but i like to take long showers and then 20 minutes to style my hair, then hassle with a dress?! no fucking way!
i know how to put on makeup but have no idea what to get when i do shop for it, so that pisses me off. :eek: :rolleyes:
it takes a lot of effort to get out of bed sometimes…
I bet youve never seen a bunch of straight men do it either matt_mcl:)
As for myself im a guy… i have about 3 sets of clothes and tend to comb my hair in the morning. The only thing ive ever tried to do to look better is try to get rid of some excess fat before i figured out that nothing i can do can change my appearance in the slightest.(IE no noticable diffrence after excercising and such from just doing nothing)
So much rubbish. Some people—raises hand—are actually attracted to the demure, self-effacing, petals-furled type. Some people are attracted to the exuberant and assertive. Some people are attracted to woodchucks…literal or metaphorical. Beauty is in the eye of the…you know…
As for your ex-boyfriend, ma belle Angie, he should talk, what with that bundle of Nerf he keeps under his shirt.
My sister had a habit of wearing HORRIBLE makeup. I mean, bad. Very dark lipsticks, dark blush, loads of mascara, etc. She also has the “poofed bang” thing going from 15 years ago. (She has extremely pale skin and that stuff made her look awful)
Anyway, we were on a trip together in Atlantic City and I finally said something. I did NOT say: “lose the awful makeup!”. I said (very honestly)
“You are my sister, and I love you very much. I have a suggestion that you can take or leave, but just for tonight I’d like you to try it. After your shower, try using just a little mascara, some light powder, and light lipstick. Brush your hair back into a nice braid and see how you like the whole look.”
Her only feature issue is that she has a big nose. She always felt that wearing copious amounts of makeup hid that fact, but all it did was call attention to it. She did as I suggested, and looked 10 years younger, I swear to God. We went down and enjoyed the casino and she got hit on more then she EVER had in her life. She was thrilled with the “New her” and her confidence shined.
I never would have said that to someone else, but she’s my sister and I really just wanted her to try going without “the mask” for a day. What a difference it made!
My point is, I didn’t say “You’de be pretty if:”, I never implied that she wasn’t pretty to begin with. Just that she should try this approach and see how she liked it.
