…Satan gives you the key to Hell and tells you he’s quitting.
…You’ve just been in a battle in which you’ve taken a sword and split some guy from crotch to neck, you’re cold, you’re walking back to see the king with your buddy and thinking about your power-hungry wife when these three old baggages appear from nowhere and start talking to you.
…Your name is Philip Marlowe.
…Buffy likes you.
…Your picture is in the Onion.
…You’re in a band with Lou Reed.
…You’ve got a twin in an Elizabethan play.
Oh, it has its moments nonetheless.
…your scouter explodes.
…you’re at the drive through speaker at the local Arbys and they tell you they’re out of roast beef.
(ok, this one is marginal at best, but it happened to me yesterday)
one upon a time…
Some people pay extra for that
Apparently I took one of the pills and forgot how to spell “once”
…You find out you have aids.
I’m going to hell.
… an old man you’ve known your whole life gives you a sword with ‘TRUTH’ carved into it
… you have a birthmark that looks like some weird ancient symbol.
No, no, you’re in trouble when you’re company’s most popular diet candy is called Ayds. (From the link: “In this 1952 Yvonne advertisement De Carlo claimed that Ayds helped her lose weight and feel better too!”)
… you’re watching your new downstairs neighbors move into your apartment building and they drag four stereo speakers that are ** five feet high ** from the U-Haul truck.
At this point my only options are:
(1) Move.
(2) Mass murder.
You’ve just challenged that no-good cheatin’ card guy, you’re ready to draw your gun, and then his friend says “I can’t help you… Sundance”.
Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon flinches when he sees you.
You’ve just developed a killer piece of software that’s going to make you rich… and then Microsoft call to say they’re interested in your work, and they’d like to offer you a fair deal.
You have a cast-iron, open-and-shut case. Then you hear Johnny Cochrane will be appearing for the defence.
You just made an innocent, light-hearted joke about whichever character is being played by Joe Pesci. You notice he didn’t find it very funny…
You’re in a Coen brothers movie and you have a perfect, can’t fail plan…
The gentlemen at the door are from the government and they’ve come to help you.
You’re hitch-hiking through Turkey and someone official-looking just found your stash.
You get an invit to be a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.
Your spouse won’t believe you when you honestly don’t know why you’re invited.
You don’t remember the night out with your friends from the gym, really straining to coming to the next morning.
Your dad is the president and wants you to follow in his footsteps, and you don’t have any brains.
Your ship’s captain carries two steel balls with him.
…you run upstairs into the only room in your house without a phone,window,or lock on the door.
…you see a thread topic on SDMB that interests you and you click the link at the exact same time that another SDMB user performs a SDMB keyword search for threads with the word “sex” in the subject line.
you figure you’ve got time for a three hour tour…
. . . you and a friend start carrying a large sheet of glass across the street. Just as the chase scene reaches you.
… You are the main character in a David Lynch film.
… Cecil smurfs in your thread.