Your childhood is being used for nostalgia value in advertising.
…you don’t recognize any of the Top 40 song artists and they all sound the same anyway.
You realize there are 2 people that sentence describes, right? Or is this another example for some of us?
When Playboy Playmates are younger than your kids.
It describes one person, who was in an 80s action movie and also was governor of California. I didn’t name the movie because it’s that obvious. Hint: Ronald Reagan wasn’t in any 80s action movies (though back then, kids were likely as surprised to learn he was an actor).
I get pissed off if they don’t (I’m 57) - isn’t that just good manners?
I went to an orthopedic surgeon to complain about the pain in my lower back when I do layback spins (figure skating) . I have compression fractures in L1-4 and that was affecting my backbend. I was hoping for a PT referral. He looked at my records and said, “You’re what? 57? Give it up.”
He is now my EX-orthopedic surgeon.
WTG, Marion!!
Courtesy of Bill Cosby:
You know you’re old when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and find yourself thinking: “now what else can I take care of while I’m down here?”
When you go to the E/R and the doctor takes your vitals and asks you what meds you are on. When you say “none,” he responds “A person your age can’t have these readings without taking medication.”
This actually happened to me.
You know you’re old when the temperature is in the 80s and you still wear a sweater.
This one actually brought me back to a summer job while in college - I assume 1979. Working at WF Hall Printing in Chicago, stacking Monkey Ward catalogs and Playboys. Miss November - Lisa Welch (how can I STILL remember her name?!) was the first playmate younger than me!
The thing that makes me feel old is when you measure so many things by increasingly large numbers of decades. Like 3 decades since college, or recently getting my 30-year pin from my current employer.
But screw it - my wife and I just booked reservations to ski Beaver Creek in March. Reconstructed ankle (me) and Cspine fusion (her) be damned!
I recently slammed into a sign of aging face-first, and despite my resistance to the idea, I’ve realized that…I’m just gonna have to cave and get some damn reading glasses.
I can’t go on taking pictures of small text with my phone and zooming in forever. Sigh.
Subject: Hollywood Squares
THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER …
Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ’ Hollywood Squares’ game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they became later. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency…
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty…
Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?
A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD; WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING!
Today, I learned that I’m now eligible, age-wise, to volunteer for the Sheriff’s Community Patrol. That one stung more than I expected.
Ignatz, I remember one question to Paul Lynde was “There’s expected to be 7 billion of them by the year 2011. 7 billion of what?”
Lynde responded “Osmond brothers.”
You know you’re old when you get the joke.
Ignatz: Thanks so much for those. I’m not too old to laugh.
This is what does it for me.
You realize you’ve spent more than half of your life on the Dope.
when I was about 4 or 5 they came out with the "king size "bag of m&ms which I seen for the and I HAD to have then grandma said no she wasn’t paying that much for a bag of candy … we argued and I went home with out any m&ms
At home I threw such a tantrum (which I was told a very rare occasion) that grandma gave in and went and bought me said king size bag of mms
How much was the bag ? 50 cents …that same size bag is 1.25 or more now