What’s the worst is when you go through a long list of instructions, repeating “okay” after everyone to make sure they are following, and then you get to the very end and ask them “What do you see know?”
And they reply:
What, you wanted me to do all that?
I’ve got both of these books:
Tales from the Tech Line
And some stuff that some day, I might publish somewhere other than here. These are actual things said to me by my callers:
Customer calls looking for a password reset. She gives her ID and I attempt to verify the last letter of the ID:
M as in Mary?
“No, Kathleen.”
M as in Kathleen?
“No, my first name is Kathleen.”
No, no… Is the last letter of your ID M?
“Yes, my middle name is Mary.”
Citrix is a “single-sign-on” product that’s attached to a user’s Windows 2000 ID. It causes problems for users when they don’t realize they’re locked out of it rather than whatever application they’re trying to access. You might even say it causes devilish problems…
“My six-six-six ID is blocked?”
“My manager didn’t do the knife and fork.”
Meaning what, she eats with her fingers? (In reality, they didn’t code an expense properly on their corporate card statement)
“Should I enter that as upper, lower or middle case?”
“I’m not sure I’m in the right spot, but the f—er is stuck!”
Usually people don’t quite know what they need to get into – but this one didn’t know what to get out of…
“How do I log out?”
Of what?
“The system”
Which system? We support about 75 systems and applications here.
“Oh… Let me find out and I’ll call back.”
When all fails, just turn it off.
Speaking of keyboard drivers, this came from a user:
“Nevermind…user error…never give a password to someone who can’t operate a keyboard…thanks.”
If you like stupid computer user stories, you’ll love this site.
Going on 9 years in tech support here, 'bout 5 of them at ISP’s.
You may not call tech support if:
-You are in a moving vehicle. Of any kind. Even if you know “it’s a system problem”.
-You are unwilling to plug the phone cord into your laptop. Laptop is not equal to “wireless internet”. Trust me. (I spent 20 min trying to convince a woman that yes, she did need a phone line to connect to her dialup account, even though she had a laptop. She bought the laptop so she could be “wireless”.)
-You are unwilling to check to make sure the fucking cord is plugged into both the wall and modem. No, I don’t think you’re stupid. It’s called troubleshooting. You start with the most obvious and take it from there. (Note: This doesn’t mean I blindly follow a “script”; it means I’m not going to waste my time and yours trying to reinstall your TCP/IP stack when your cat knocked the phone cord out. Because, as we all know, ‘I didn’t change ANYTHING’ so why look, right?)
-You don’t want to take instruction from “no woman”. I happen to be one, and hey, who’s calling who for help, sir? I thought so.
-You are convinced our company is a Zionist conspiracy full of “opressive Jew bastards” out to get you, and that we are monitoring your email. Really. We have over 70,000 customers, we don’t have time to read your email. We get enough of a laugh out of the hateful emails you send support. So do all our friends, cuz we send them to them too you’re such a whackjob.
-You are going to get angry when we have to get off the phone to test your connection, because you only have one phone line. No I’m not implying you’re cheap or poor when I ask “Does your computer share a phone line with your modem, or is it separate?” I can’t make your modem pick up a dial tone if we’re on the phone line.
-You have a screaming child in your lap. I’m sorry I have to keep screaming at you but I can’t hear you over the kid.
-You are going to threaten to kill me, beat me up, fuck me up, kick my ass, have my head, because you can’t connect to the internet. Keep in mind, I have your name, home address, phone number, and credit card number/expiration date right in front of me. (This is a great way to counter threaten without actually threatening. “I never said I’d use his CC… but he did say he was going to come beat me up…”)
Oh I could go on and on but why ruin a good night? I do love my job, however. As nuts as it is and as hateful as people can be due to the “anonymity” of the phone, most days you win more than you lose.
That was probably my dad.:rolleyes: