This, oddly, is not a pit of their actual repair services, though I recently sent them an otherwise perfectly functional laptop for a hinge repair, and today got back one that won’t turn on except in safe mode. (With a note, I must add, saying that they’re sending it back unrepaired “as agreed”, whereas I never heard one word from them the entire time they had it. But, hey! The hinge works!)
No, this is a pit of the incompetence of their customer service “processes” on display when I try to contact them about it. Whomever designed their system is either a sadist, or is so incompetent that they should be demoted to cleaning the toilets. Possibly with their own toothbrush, but that may be my irritation speaking.
The story so far:
Computer system: “Say or enter your express service tag, located at the bottom of your computer”. I dutifully enter the number - incorrectly the first time, but the system recognizes me the second time. Theoretically, if this was a normal customer service center, the system (and therefore everyone I talk to) should know who I am and about my entire (not very long) repair history for all the rest of my call. I’ve worked on systems for call centers, so I know whereof I speak.
I talk to the support person #1. She asks for my express service tag and my name. She asks me for the name the computer is under (my husband’s). She verifies that my computer is out of warrenty, and says she’ll transfer me to paid support.
I go through computer system #2, which asks for my express service tag.
I go through support person #2, whose job is to route me to the correct department. He asks for my express service tag, and name, and the name the computer is under. Asks for my phone number in case we get disconnected, and my email address.
I go through support person #3, whose job is to listen to my problem. He asks for my express service tag, and name, and the name the computer is under. Asks for my phone number in case we get disconnected, and my email address. He decides that he needs to pass me up the chain.
I get to support person #4, who appears to be slightly higher up the food chain. He asks for my express service tag, and name, and the name the computer is under. Asks for my phone number in case we get disconnected. I have to explain the problem again, though he, at least, knows that my laptop was just in their care. He decides that technical support will call me back. He asks me if I’d be available between 3 and 6:00 at that number (the day is not specified, and I’m too discouraged to verify that he meant today). He then asks me for my email address.
I then lose my will to live, and attempt to strangle myself with the phone cord. Only to realize too late that it’s a cordless phone, and that I am still trapped in this hell, possibly for all time.
Heh. Don’t even get me started on the cheap-ass script-reading outsourced Indian call center bullshit that passes for “customer service” these days from companies like Dell, Microsoft, etc. On the rare occasions an issue is complex enough that I need to call customer service and/or tech support it’s because I’ve already checked the support FAQs, the basic setup, and even done some Googling/asking around to see if anyone else has had a similar problem and what the solution may be because trust me, calling customer service is a last resort located somewhere between the Fourth and Fifth Circles of Hell.
You get what you pay for.
But I also blame all the stupid consumers who call into CS with such trivial problems that could easily be solved with a quick online search, or by having a brain larger than a walnut. It inflates the need for CS reps more than it otherwise would be, causing that to be a major budge expenditure in need of downsizing (i.e. outsourcing).
I would like to reply to this thread, and let you know how you could have gotten the help you needed faster.
First though, can I have your express service tag, name, and the name your computer is under. Also, may I have your phone number in case we get disconnected.
Thank you for calling, my name is caught@work and you have been passed to me from **Euphonious Polemic ** who has explained the problem you are having.
Before I can assist you I can I have your express service tag, name, and the name your computer is under. Also, may I have your phone number in case we get disconnected. May I also ask for your email address so I can keep you up to date with our progress.
… waits patiently while Risha provides required information …
Thank you for that information, I will now pass you on to someone who can assist you.
Thank you for calling, my name is Jenaroph and you have been passed to me from caught@work who has explained the problem you are having.
I need your express service tag, name, and the name your computer is under. Also, may I have your phone number in case we get disconnected. May I also ask for your email address so I can keep you up to date with our progress.
Has there ever, even once, been a single company in the history of companies where typing in your account number into the automated system did anything? Other than increase the total time you spend waiting for a CSR.
“Welcome to MegaGlobal Bank, please type or say your account number”
“12345”
“12345. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. Please pay attention as our options have recently changed. What would you like to do? 1) Activate an account. 2) Report a lost or stolen puppy. 3) Continue this conversation in Portugese. 4) Listen to muzak. 5) Speak to a customer service representative.”
“5”
“Thank you.”
45 minutes later.
"AND I CAN’T FIGHT THIS FEELING ANYM- "“ThankyouforcallingMegaGlobalBankmynameisJanicecanIhaveyouraccountnumber?”
“What?”
“Thank you for calling MegaGlobal Bank my name is Janice can I have your account number?”
“I gave you my account number.”
“What?”
“I gave you my account number. The computer asked for it.”
“That’s a completely different system sir.”
“It’s the same system. You’re the same company.”
“Yes sir, but it’s a different section. I don’t control the computer systems.”
“What the hell’s the point of it then? Why did it completely waste my time punching in random numbers when we all know I could just type in gibberish and I’ll probably get put through to you faster, and still be asked the same questions?”
“I don’t know sir, can I have your account number?”
The sad thing is that people want to save money so they continue to support businesses despite their shitty-ass support. People call me and I’ll talk to them for a half hour about solving their problem by buying our software, and they’ll go and pirate it or buy a cheaper competitor product even if it doesn’t work as well.
I’ve worked at a big megacorp’s call center. It’s shitty because it saves them money. Hiring competent people to work in a call center environment (high stress, high volume) is not cheap, let alone training them correctly. Honestly, in the end, they pay lip service to quality but shitty service is cheap-ass and they know it.
The biggest problems I’ve ever had with technical support have been video card manufacturers. Part of that problem is that I’m not going to call until I’m beyond my expertise.
There was the time I called because I found that a specific memory chip on the video card was bad. This is extremely straightforward, there’s not a thing they can do except replace the card. So the conversation goes something like:
“Hi, I’ve been using your XYZ card for seven months but in the past day when I write to memory locations 0E00 to 0EFF on it the card stops outputting video.” (I know better than to say, “Send me a new one,” at this point since they have to do their own confirmation…)
“And what operating system are you using?”
“Uh… what difference does that make? I’m writing to the memory on the card and there’s a problem.”
“I need to know what OS you’re using.”
“Fine, Windows 98.”
“Oh, we don’t support Windows 98. You have to use Windows XP.”
“It came with a Windows 98 driver! And the OS doesn’t matter; this is a memory problem!”
And around and around like that trying to explain to the person on the phone who supports video cards how video cards work.
There was another one where I had a very specific problem that was potentially related to the driver: calling DirectDrawCreateSurface (essentially the first thing you to do with a graphics application) caused a fatal exception in one of the DirectX DLLs only when this card was in my system while OpenGL had no problems. So I called the manufacturer’s support line and found a maze of twisty phone paths all alike. There was no option to speak to a technical support representative. You had to select a problem that you were having, then confirm all the steps with their automated system, and then if it wasn’t working to fix just that problem you would be allowed through. Naturally there was nothing even remotely like the problem I was experiencing (not even “something crashes when I play games”) and no option for “other problems”. I stumbled around their phone tree for half an hour before I figured out how to get to a real person. A real person who didn’t even know the terms I was using. And not just the procedure call either; I had to explain OpenGL to someone doing support for video cards. That was a long and painful call.
That wasn’t my longest support call either; I once spent three hours on hold trying to get some jumper settings before I finally said “Screw it! I can’t make things worse!” and started shifting things around on the board. I fixed it myself just as someone came on the line.
I once had to speak to a Call Centre for a considerable time in regard to inability to connect to the Internet. In the end the peron I was talking to had a nosebleed and had to be replaced. They didn’t help me but I got some small pleasure out of returning the favour.
What’s really weird is that when I lived in small, rural Sunman Indiana we had a local company, ETC that provided cable, phone, “high speed internet”, etcetera (irony not lost on abbreviation).
Anyway, if I ever had to call tech support, it was routed to a call center in Kansas City! And this was a small company that had a griphold on some rural areas in two counties. I was pretty amazed that they shipped their tech support out of town. At least it was still within the USA and was with a person that spoke a version of English I could understand.
The company I worked for years and years ago had a system where the moment you got a call, all the client’s information populated onto the screen. Of course I worked technical support for point of sale terminals (those things you swipe your credit card through) and we were helping out merchants so it’s a slightly different situation.
Yes, it’s so that they can decide whether or not you are a Very Important Customer (a business user) and if you are they can tell you they’re sorry they can’t take your call at this number please hang up and call this other number - no, they can’t route your call - thank you goodbye!
I cannot talk to Dell CS. Or, more truthfully, I am not allowed to talk to Dell CS. See the multiple Pit threads if you like. I do not have the patience. In fact, I only skimmed your rant for fear that reading it will make me want to call the service center and curse somebody out. Try to call the service center and cuss. There’s no guarantee that I’ll get to speak to someone who I can barely understand.
Please don’t cuss on the telephone ma’am otherwise I will be unable to assist you.
I appreciate that you have explained your problem and before I can assist you I can I have your express service tag, name, and the name your computer is under. Also, may I have your phone number in case we get disconnected and your email address so I can keep you up to date with our progress.
Every fucking month, a performance review. “I’m sorry Lilacs. You were .5 calls off average so you are now on probation. If this continues for three months, you will lose your job.”
“What? What about my quality?” I asked.
“Oh…well…that was 100%. But you need to do better.”
Do better? Well, if I hadn’t had to fix problems for these customers made by my speedy but inaccurate co-workders, perhaps…just maybe, I wouldn’t have had that 30 seconds extra per fucking call you fucking asshole.
Call centers really are a living hell. And being on the other end of it, the customer, is worse. I have less patience than I ever did before I worked in a call center.
Risha, I recently had a similar experience with a credit card company. Transferred three times, then given a different number to call. The number was wrong. Luckily this particular person, not reading from a script, actually had the right number.
Verizon amazed me yesterday, actually, with their phone service. I had a tree down on the premises portion of my phone line, so I called their tech support.
Went through the rigamarole, say your name, phone, address, account number, etc with the automated system, and then found out that the automated system was too dumb to understand “Send someone, for there is serious damage to the lines external to my house.” So I say “I want a real agent”. Which works, and a real human picks up five minutes of hold time later. Her first words are “I see here that you’re Name, calling about line XXX-YYYY at address Z, and you’re completely out of service. It’s wind damage, isn’t it, we got a lot of that today from your area.” Yep. “Okay, someone will be out this afternoon, thanks for calling Verizon.”
I used to work in a call center…Trust me the person on the other line hates it there to. To understand the customer you have to know that 98% of customers think they know what they are talking about. So do a good majority of call center people for that matter
Oh, I know that working in a call center is hell - you couldn’t, well, uh, pay me to do that job. But some of the hellishness (on both sides) could be prevented if they had anything remotely resembling a modern IVR system. In my old company, like AngelSoft’s, our system did a screen pop of all of your information and history the instant the CSA took the call. I worked on programming that system, and it really wasn’t that complicated.
For the record, they never did call me back yesterday. I’m girding my loins to call them back at 6:01 tonight, and I’m going to explain that the screen artifacts are telling me that long distance tech support isn’t going to cut it anyway, and I’m sending it back to them to fix what they broke.
(And then they’ll make me give them my express service tag, name, name the computer is under, phone number, email address; and then reset the computer, make sure it’s plugged in, etc. etc. etc.)
(But I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m right!)