I’ve always heard that you should never lend money to friends and relatives. Believe me, now I know why.
You used to go out with a friend of mine. You’re not together anymore but hey, these things happen. We’re friends - we like to go shopping together, we talk on the phone - everything is normal and happy happy fun. Everyone is still on pretty good terms, so it doesn’t seem like a huge deal to lend you $100.
Right?
Right?
Wrong.
It’s easy to say you’ll pay me back, isn’t it? But it’s so hard when you’re so broke. Maybe I’d have a little bit more sympathy for you if you didn’t keep freaking buying things.
I talked to my friend about it a couple of days ago. And you know what? As soon as I mentioned that I had loaned you money, his eyes went wide with disbelief. Like this: :eek: In hindsight, I really should have had a chat to him before I gave you my money, but generally, I don’t think I need to check my friends’ credit ratings. Apparently I need to with you. Because according to him, after you borrowed money from his friends and didn’t return it (are we seeing a pattern here?), he had to make the rounds and pay back everything you owed them. Oh, and you know the guy that you borrowed $450 off? When he asked you for some of his money back in order to buy a present for his girlfriend, it was definitely not cool to yell at him.
I’m sick and tired of subtely bringing the subject up. It’s been 6 months since you said you’d pay me back. Your ex-boyfriend is keeping his distance from you (for unrelated reasons) and quite frankly, the chances of ever seeing my $100 again are getting slimmer by the month. And my God, you just keep spending and spending and spending, don’t you? Don’t you have any sense of personal responsibility?
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it.
My attitude is that if I give money to a friend, I consider it a gift and not a loan, and that if I get it back, it’s a bonus. Call it an investment in the friendship.
Of course, with that mindset, I don’t give money away readily, and not for minor things such as “I really want to buy this cd” or “Can you cover my bar tab?” Instead, “I need to come up with rent or I’ll be homeless” or “my car will be repossessed”.
But yeah- I had to learn my lesson first before I reevaluated how and why and in what circumstances I’m willing to give money to friends.
Put me in the ‘I don’t loan, I give camp’, please. I never loan over a certain amount, either. If the amount is something that I think will make all parties involved uncomfortable, I’ll just say I don’t have the money.
I do agree that you should just write off that small amount and consider it a lesson learned.
you: When exactly can I expect you to pay back my hundred dollars?
“friend”: (blah blah blah excuse)
you: yeah well, I understand money is tight, but (insert white lie) my mom is short this month and I need to help her out. I am sure you understand!
The evil in me wants to advise you to borrow about 20 cds and sell them. But I can’t honestly say its the right thing to do.
I guess if I’d started out with a “she may or may not pay me back” attitude, I wouldn’t be so angry and disappointed. But she was a friend, and I like to think that my friends are good people. I’m pretty pissed that I have to force her to give my money back.
Losing the $100 won’t cripple me, but it’s a pretty hefty amount for a 19 year old without a job. It’s more money than I was willing to lend out, but I figured she was good for it. Since it’s quite a bit for me (and would definitely go towards buying a digital camera or a nice pair of jeans) I’m not willing to give up on this yet. I’m going to take BNB and LolaBaby’s advice and start nagging her about it.
I too have learned this lesson. I would have much prefered to have been told this one, rather than having learnt it, but since $500 of the $700+ went to my dad, what were the chances of that?
Funny story I once heard about (I think) J.P. Morgan:
Morgan was asked his philosophy on loaning money to acquaintances, and how he broached the subject if the loan wasn’t repaid. He said, “It’s never a gamble to loan money to a gentleman. Gentlemen always repay their debts.”
But (the interviewer said), what if the gentleman never brings it up again?
“Then,” said Morgan, “I conclude that the man is not a gentleman, and I remind the SOB of the money he owes me.”
Hm. I do it the opposite way. If I can afford it, I’ll treat someone to a pizza or a movie ticket, or get them a Little Something[sup]TM[/sup], as a gift. But I don’t have lifesaving rent or car payment sums to spare. Of course, people know that about me, so they don’t ask.
A collection agent once asked, “Can you borrow from a friend?” Said I, “That’s how you lose friends.”
A lot of things have happened since I started this thread.
The bad news is that my cousin didn’t know that she had owed me money for months, and loaned her around $200.
The good news is that I got my money back. All of it.
The great news is that I finally worked out what a parasite she was and ended our friendship. FWIW, it wasn’t just the money thing, although that did speed up its demise. It was her clinginess, her paranoia, her neediness, her hypocricy, her lies and her two-facedness. Believe me, I could devote a whole pit thread to her actions, but I have my money and she’s out of my life, so I’m happy. I also can’t help but feel a little sorry for her, since I’m certain a lot of her actions come from insecurity and a need to be loved. She has a pretty screwed up life at home, and her behaviour has long driven all of her friends away. Of course, that doesn’t justify her actions, but I feel a little awkward heaping too much rancor on her since I haven’t walked in her shoes and all that crap.
What I don’t feel awkward about is cutting off all contact with her. I think she has issues, and would love for her to seek counselling, but that’s not going to happen until she accepts responsibility for her actions. After the things she’s said and done, I’m not at all interested in ever seeing her again. I hope that her life gets better, I truly do. But it’s not my problem anymore.
I suppose this counts as a happy ending. For me, anyway. I’m not so sure about my cousin.
