Shirley, I’ve found your Christmas present.
Robin
So, uh, what were you searching eBay for when you found this jewel?
Wanna know something? I’ve seen this before and I don’t know why I have. One of my searches revealed this item and that’s a scary thing.
Hmm…maybe I could wear it to a Great Big Sea concert! 
Though I’m sure they’ve seen 'em before.
As a matter of fact I do…
It’s not a secret.
So who here is “thera_pee”?
Not me. On eBay, I’m thera_urine.
I’m not very good with word play, apparantly.