Surprised no one’s mentioned this yet, but what about “never assume someone is pregnant unless you see the baby coming out”?
I mean, it’s one thing to say something to a woman wearing a pregnancy-related shirt or something, but fat women ought to have just as much right to smoke undisturbed as anyone else.
Slap her in the face.
But I’m confused, what does the smoking thing have to do with it?
If someone gets offended because I am trying to help, they are the ones with the problem. And if they think cursing me out is appropriate, they’ve demonstrated they are shitty people and I’m actually happy I made them mad. If more people would make them mad, maybe they’d stop being such shitty people.
That said, I avoid this topic because it’s not worth it. The tiny risk that the person doesn’t know about the dangers of smoking is less than the risk that they are a crappy person who would try to hurt me. Even though I would think the response in the above paragraph would make them an asshole, I also know that I don’t take well to assholes, and tend to respond in kind, which can cause all sorts of problems.
Thus, I don’t say anything, but I feel bad that selfishness is part of my motivation.
What BigT said.
Contrary to my earlier posts, I now think I wouldn’t say anything. Mainly because when I’m walking along the street I tend to be on autopilot and there are lots of things I merely do this: :dubious: to, when if I was thinking in some ideal, principled way, I would stop to investigate.
But yes, if you start cursing someone who has not called you any names, YOU are the jerk.
If you think that someone is implying something, then call them out on it, and if they don’t deny it, then you can go batshit.
Inventing statements in your own mind of what someone is really saying is how jerks try to justify being jerks.
And as far as I know, she has cut down and is having the kind of day where you end up wondering whether to slice your wrists lenghtwise or sideways.
I wouldn’t say anything.
Do you welcome unsolicited advice about obesity being the leading cause of death in America by well-meaning people who apparently assume that you’ve chosen to be fat out of ignorance (having presumably been in a coma since the late fifties and lacking access to newspapers, television, radio, books, the internet and health care professionals) and, having witnessed a split-second of your life, realised they know better than you possibly could and that they must bring these facts to your attention? And would you furthermore not find anything offensive about being lectured about the dangers of obesity by someone with a lit cigarette in their hand?
Since your rudeness in poking your nose in her business doesn’t justify rudeness in return, I agree, she’d be a jerk to curse you out.
She would not be a jerk to look at you with a raised eyebrow and say pointedly “excuse me, do I know you?”
Ruder than telling someone who’s about to eat raw kidney beans that they can be toxic?
Mind my own fucking business. If she harms her child permanently from smoking (which is very unlikely) she’s going to be the one who has to deal with it. Nothing I say or do would be anything close to as bad as that. Not my problem, not my business.
Yes, I haven’t gone to my doctor about my kidney bean eating - it can be assumed that a visibly pregnant woman has been to her OB and has been told about smoking. If she hasn’t, she has bigger issues than smoking.
So I, like apparently others, hadn’t heard of this raw kidney bean thing (I can’t imagine eating raw kidney beans, but apparently there is risk that someone does this in the raw food movement - so there is concern) and I googled.
If you warned someone on raw kidney beans you would be saving them from a hellish few hours of gastrointestinal distress. Theoretically, they are toxic enough to cause death, but all I can find on death is “theoretically, they can cause death, but no cases of death have been reported.” So apparently, the risk of death is low enough of this well known public health hazard that it hasn’t occurred - or occurred in a fashion that can be found.
So, I’m going to come down on “don’t warn strangers on the dangers of raw kidney beans if you see them eating them either.” Obviously, if your raw food aficionado friend starts talking about making a salad using raw beans (and its lots of raw beans that are toxic, red kidney beans are just more toxic) you might want to mention that may be cleansing beyond her intention. But if you see a stranger on the street, I’d MYOB. This isn’t pulling someone out from getting hit by a car.
I smoked a pack a day the entire time I was pregnant with my oldest. So yes, I’d mind my own damned business. It might be different if I saw someone chugging a bottle of vodka or smoking crack.
So it’s rude entirely because of what I haven’t assumed?
That’s what rudeness means now?
LOL. Maybe this is a cultural thing? I’m British btw.
If I can speak to a stranger to ask them the time, or directions, or because it’s a hot girl and I want to try to start a conversation, I should be able to tell someone they’re about to do something dangerous that they may not realize.
Don’t you understand that some people want to be left alone, despise small talk, etc. ?
Who cares about your help anyway ? Fuck your help ! Shove your help where it ain’t shining !
Don’t you understand that some people are not psychic?
That they can’t tell if you’re a normal person or someone likely to go batshit insane because someone tried to be helpful?
Of course you can. But you need to get rid of the impression it isn’t rude.
(Its also rude to start a conversation with a woman because you think she’s hot. Unless you are in a place where the purpose is to pick up the opposite sex.)
I wouldn’t say anything. But I would think they’re a disgusting, narcissistic asshole for smoking while pregnant, and might even throw them a dirty look.
bolding mine
I think this is really the point of divergence in this conversation. I simply can’t fathom that anyone over the age of 14 doesn’t know that smoking is dangerous. I can’t. I’ve had patients who didn’t know why they were taking insulin. I’ve had patients who didn’t know who the president is (who were not actually delerious or demented, they just didn’t pay attention). I had one woman who didn’t know whether or not she’d had a hysterectomy fer chrissakes. But I’ve never had a conversation with a single person who didn’t know that smoking is bad for you. Every single patient who’s a smoker gets that sheepish yet defiant look in their eye when you ask about smoking history. Every smoker standing outside in 20 below weather to suck a coffin nail talks about how bad it is for them. I think the chances of finding a woman who is old enough to be pregnant who doesn’t know that smoking is bad for them is so vanishingly small as to be statistically zero.
The chances of finding a woman who is old enough to be pregnant and who is smoking who knows that smoking is bad and has chosen to do it anyway (whether at her doctor’s advice or not), however, is actually pretty high. Very high. As in, every single one of them knows it’s risky and is choosing to do it anyway.
I’m playing the numbers, here. Chances are vastly greater that I’ll piss someone off without giving them new information than that I’ll be educating the ignorant.
And add me to the list of those who didn’t know that raw kidney beans are toxic. I find it baffling that you consider the level of public awareness of bean toxicity equal to that of the risks of smoking. How much money did your government spend last year to post warnings on bean packets and anti-bean posters in the subway, compared to how much they spent on tobacco product warnings?
I knew raw kidney beans are toxic. I feel special now.
It must be admitted that I was reading a book by Dick Francis, and had been taken out of the book by the sheer unlikeliness of kidney bean as toxin, when I Googled it and found that it was true. Canned kidney beans are cooked–and are therefore safe to be eaten straight out of the can.
It’s not a cultural thing. In fact, the general perception is that Americans are far more willing to engage in conversation with strangers than British people are.
No one who smokes doesn’t know it’s dangerous. It’s written on the packet. And if you’re in England, the warning labels look like this. So, when you say you’re merely trying to be helpful and informative, I don’t believe you. Because any person who is remotely aware of the dangers of smoking also knows that everyone else around them also knows.
Raw kidney beans … I’d never heard of the dangers before reading this thread. It’s a completely different circumstance.