One of the girls on my floor that is.
I’m going on the fact that she LOOKS pregnant…heavily.
Not overweight you understand, there’s a definite bump on a skinny frame.
The fact that her boyfriend is often here means that it’s not an impossibility.
I thought it was just me seeing things, but my flatmate just came in and asked if I had noticed too.
The problem (apart from the fact that she’s only 17, and living several thousand miles from home) is that she smokes and drinks.
What on earth can I do?
I don’t want to get her in trouble, and goodness knows we could be mistaken, but I doubt it.
I’m not even sure that she (or rather, they) would know if she was pg. They both fall into the “space cadet” category.
Normally I’d be MMOB, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do here.
Yesterday I was talking with some people about how to ask a woman if she was pregnant & we agreed that there wasn’t any proper way to do so. Maybe she would bring it up herself?
Being 17 & pregnant isn’t against USA law, is it? although I wish it were sometimes.
Maybe slide a brochure from Planned Parenthood or the Public Health Dept. under her door about pregnancy and prenatal care? She also could have a tumor or something. Not sure how you ask about that.
Can I pre-empt the “it’s naht a too-mah” joke so that it doesn’t get made?
As to the OP… Tough call. But it’s really not your responsibility. The Planned Parenthood brochure might work though, in case it’s actually possible that she’s pregnant and doesn’t know it.
and yes, i know it’s not illegal, i’m just thinking that drinking a bottle of vodka every few days and smoking roll-ups of dubious origin is not helping the potential kid.
and i’m doubting the tumour scenario.
and although she is very nice (and so is boyo) i’m not sure her english is good enough for the conversation i’d want to be having.
but yeah, i’ll be MMOB unless something escalates…
although i have nightmares of having to deliver her baby in the shower stall…
What are you thinking of saying ? I doubt you’d be helping, whatever you said.
Anecdote : Person A tells Person B that she’s unfortunately pregnant. B points out that the energy drink A is drinking isn’t recommended for pregnant women. A points out that she wasn’t planning on remaining pregnant for long.
Seriously, whatever you say, what sort of response do you expect ?
A : Oh ! I might be pregnant ! I never considered this possibility at all ! Thanks for the heads-up ! (doubtful)
B : You know you’re right. Thank you for showing me the light. I will now ingest only healthful things for the sake of my baby. (doubtful)
C : What’s it any of your $@%#ing business ? (likely)
Seriously, she probably knows she’s pregnant. Even if she doesn’t know how certain substances are bad for the baby, boyfriend will. They’ll probably just tell you to butt out, and may cause problems for you.
If she isn’t she’ll get offended “what you think I’m fat!” and if she is then more than likely she will have realised by now. You don’t usually get to the stage of showing until about 3 months have passed.
There is very little you’re going to be able to tell any 17-year-old about correct prenatal care that she’s going to want to hear, especially one who is (reading between the lines) intent on proving how grownup and mature she is and how well she can manage her own life even thought she is Far From Home.
If you already had some kind of friendly working relationship with her, that would be different, but if she’s just “someone who lives on your floor”, there’s no way you’re going to be able to tell her anything.
Tough one. The fact that this is happening in Dublin makes it even tougher, given Irish abortion laws. (No offense meant - I’m a Dubliner once removed.) If she is pregnant, the odds that it’ll go to term increase. (Yeah, I know about the day trips to the UK, but I stand by my point.)
For all of you who say MYOB, would you say the same if this were a newborn and the mother was exposing him or her to toxins? I’ve seen the results of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. It’s serious stuff.
yep random, this’ll go to term if she is pregnant.
they don’t have money for boy’s rent, i doubt they have enough for a termination in the uk, even if she is less than 24 weeks.
as this is a university dorm, she’ll be homeless if she decides to keep it.
i was more sort of thinking of asking if she needed help finding pre-natal care, or wanted a hand with flat-hunting, or adoption services. just generally offering support.
rather than a “stop drinking, you’re hurting the kid” lecture, which i realise would not be helpful.
Depending on how close you are to this person, you could drop it into conversation one time by talking about “your cousin” ( maybe at the mailbox, like you just got a letter from her or something) who just had/adopted an FAS baby and now has a lot of added expenses and worries. End with something like “If only she had taken advantage of Planned Parenthood, maybe she could have leanrned about stuff like this before it was too late.”
I believe in MYOB of course, I just also know that maybe she honestly doesn’t know what she is doing to her (possible) baby.
I have some other ideas, if you’d like to email me.
Good luck.
I realize that it can be difficult but do you really have any relationship with this woman that would allow you to intervene? Or even bring the topic up?
OK, you’re concerned. That’s fine, maybe even admirable. But her problems aren’t yours to solve and she would be well within her rights to tell you to fuck off.
I think the strategy of bringing up the adoption of a FAS kid might be a good one. Offering support can’t hurt her much and might help a lot. Maybe she’s wondering what the heck she should do and wishing she had someone besides a resourceless boyfriend to talk to. And a tongue-lashing from her won’t really hurt you all that much compared with the help you could give her, right? So she tells you to get lost, so what?
I say do something about it; you might help her and the possible kid out. (And normally I would say ‘never ask anyone if they’re pregnant; it’s the number-one dangerous question.’)
