I agree with genie. Bring up the topic of your aquaintance and the FAS adoption. No need to directly confront her about her own suspected pregnancy, but bring the subject up in a round-about way.
I also wouldn’t worry too much about having the girl tell you to get lost. So what if she does? What do you think she’s going to do? Drink and smoke even more just to spite you? And so what if she gets her feathers ruffled? Personally (and this is just me) I am not all that concerned about the delicate feelings of a flakey girl who is (possibly) going to cause her child a lifetime of suffering and hurt, because she’s too irresponsible to stop drinking and smoking.
This child could (and from the looks of it, probably will) have serious problems. Not that you can prevent that. But a few carefully phrased words will at least give you some peace of mind—that instead of saying nothing, you at least tried. And who knows? Maybe something you say will help. But if not, then you tried, move along, move along.
I agree with yo’babe on this one, irishgirl. Sure, as DDG says, you can’t report ‘fetus abuse’ to the Irish social-welfare agencies. But that’s no reason to stand idly by with your mouth shut as she pours more vodka down her system.
And as JC says, she’s within her rights to tell you to fuck off. But if she does, you’ve lost absolutely nothing, so why not go with some variation on either what you said you were considering, or the FAS baby approach that Poysyn suggested.
If she takes you up on any offer of help you make, then you’ve accomplished something good for her and that baby. And if she turns a cold shoulder, the world is no worse than it would have been if you’d done nothing. You never know until you try.
What are you saying here? That I’m off-base in extrapolating from Illinois law to Irish law and saying (a) there are mechanisms in Ireland for reporting child abuse, and (b) there are no mechanisms in Ireland for reporting fetus abuse?
All civilized nations have mechanisms whereby child abuse may be reported, and to the best of my knowledge, no nations anywhere have any kind of law that enables one to report fetus abuse to the authorities. If you have information to the contrary, please, by all means, post it.
I think I was perfectly correct in stating what I did, although I may not have an Irish law degree.
Sceneario: The probably pregnant 17-year old girl is thousands of miles from home, in a country where she’s not all that familiar with the language, and with a boyfriend that’s homeless and broke.
It sounds to me like she needs a friend in the worst sort of way. If she were my daughter or sister, I’d certainly hope you would offer her friendship and any advice or assistance you felt comfortable giving.
If she rejects your offer of friendship, at least you can sleep well, knowing you tried to do the proper thing.
Stay out of it. If she comes up to you and says “Help! I’m pregnant”, yeah, help her out if you’re so inclined. Otherwise, just stay out of it. For one thing, it’s none of your business. For another, who says she doesn’t know and chooses to drink and do drugs anyway? It certainly wouldn’t be the first time it happened. Some people are just stupid.
I second what John Carter of Mars said. She needs a friend badly–whether she realizes it or not. What do you have to lose? What does she have to lose?
I suspect if she gets to feel comfortable talking to you, she’ll come to you for advice pretty soon. But of course, you probably want to hold off on conveying your advice before that moment arrives.
If you’re pretty confident, now or sometime in the weeks ahead, that she is in fact pregnant, I don’t see any good reason not to say something to her. As a couple others have already pointed out, the worst thing that can happen is that she tells you to ‘go [impregnate] yourself’ or something and stares daggers every time she sees you. On the upside,
she would know that someone cares (she may already be wondering why no one has said anything to her)
you could let her know about some resources that are available in your area for pregnant women. I don’t know if you have any free clinics or what–it’s your job to find out–but surely there is some agency or individual who could provide her with some advice/support/ prenatal health/ options other than waiting to be kicked into the street once the university finds out.
you’ll feel better for having done what you could to help. You can’t force her to take advice, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
I’m thinking that the courts here in the States are beginning to take a serious look at the issue of whether substance abuse by a pregnant woman constitutes child abuse. I found