Khan
November 24, 2002, 11:08pm
1
However, it’s kinda difficult when your friends see something akin to splitting the bill for lunch as a business transaction. Or maybe it’s just because I shouldn’t consider this guy my friend? The room setup here is such that there are a couple of bedrooms off to the side of a common room. My friends, South, Italy, and LatinMasters401k live in a two bedroom triple wherein the common room doubles as SouthMaster401k’s bedroom. Still, he spends most of his nights in his girlfriend’s room (that is to say, the ones where he even goes to bed).
LatinMaster401k, ChinaMaster401k, and I became friends with this girl over the summer, and she’s coming to New Haven with her roommates tonight for a concert at this club. They’re going to chill with us in LatinMaster401k’s room where we’re going to play card games that involve drinking. I delayed taking the 1500 mile trip back to my home town of Fargo so that we could do this. SouthMaster401k, however, was rather nervous that he wouldn’t be there to watch over his computer and audio system, despite it being the case that he can, without question, trust us to keep things under control. He agreed to let us use the common room of their suite. He left home for thanksgiving break Saturday. However, when LatinMaster401k came back from the Yale-Harvard game last night, he found a letter that was written in a style almost like legalese that pissed him and me off quite a bit. We decided to respond in kind.
I figure this should explain everything else. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
*November 24, 2002
To: SouthMaster401k
We, LatinMaster401k, CzechMaster401k, and ChinaMaster401k, would like to take this opportunity to express our gratitude for your permission to use the suite you share with LatinMaster401k and ItalyMaster401kfor our gathering held on the 24th of November, 2002. We additionally express our regret and offer our apologies for any inconvenience that our function may have caused you during your absence. In the correspondence you left in the possession of LatinMaster401k prior to your departure on the 23rd of November, you and ItalyMaster401k made two questionable stipulations to which we would like to respond in this letter.
The precise meaning of your mandate that “no electronic devices whatsoever are to be used” eludes us. It has been our intention to abstain from using any of your audio equipment, your computer, fog machine, and lighting device. However, we find it unreasonable that you would ask us not to use any similar devices that belong to us. Specifically, CzechMaster401k has offered his stereo in conjunction with LatinMaster401k's laptop for use in providing music at our gathering. Although it is your desire that no devices be unplugged, CzechMaster401k notes that there are several available electrical outlets in your suite to which no devices are connected. Taking this into consideration, we saw it necessary to “bend,” as it were, your mandate and use our own “electronic devices.” It should be noted that this was accomplished without interfering with any, repeat, any of your electrical connections. We feel that this action on our part puts you in no position to complain.
The other stipulation we would like to address involves the matter of one 1.75 Liter bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. In your statement you included this in the inventory of items which you instructed LatinMaster401k to replace “at [your] discretion” in the event that he were to make use of any. As you are aware, this bottle was among the remnants of alcoholic beverages purchased for a gathering held on November 21st in which all parties mentioned in this letter were involved. One identical “handle” in addition to one bottle of triple sec were purchased by CzechMaster401k using funds totaling $80.00 appropriated in equal portions by ItalyMaster401k and ChinaMaster401k. The cost of the liquor totaled $73.97. One can arbitrarily assign the contents of each bottle to the individual who donated money for their purchase. Taking this into consideration, we submit that the remaining “handle,” which cost $29.99 was paid for entirely by ChinaMaster401k. The cost of the vodka and triple sec consumed on the evening of November 21st can thus be shared accordingly between he and ItalyMaster401k. CzechMaster401k will then give the remaining $6.03 of the original funds to ItalyMaster401k. We believe that, because the triple sec was purchased for your use and because of the approximate proportions of the other “handle” consumed by the parties in attendance, this condition is reasonable. It is also our belief that this will eliminate confusion as to what belongs to whom. To that end, we additionally have purchased our own cups, “mixers,” and associated refreshments for use at our gathering in order to ensure that similar items which you and your girlfriend's friend purchased for the gathering held on November 21st remain in your possession. We ultimately intend that your only contribution to this party will be space and seating, for which you have our thanks.
It is highly irregular that you would choose this time to begin treating the exchange of such trivial things used for leisure as though it were a business transaction. This is especially the case when considering our interaction involving similar matters in the past. Consequently, we have responded in kind. Above all, it distresses us deeply that you would act in this way towards individuals who have hitherto considered themselves to be your friends and you theirs. We furthermore regret that you have so little trust in ourselves, our respect for your property, and our ability to oversee the conduct of our guests at this gathering. We feel that, although the note you left for LatinMaster401k was addressed specifically to him, it stands to reason that it applies both to CzechMaster401k and ChinaMaster401k. The three of us wholeheartedly regret that you seemingly hold our friendship in so little regard. Nevertheless, we wish you a restful break with your family and significant other.
Regards,
China, Czech, & LatinMasters 401k
Can I be TurkmenistanMaster401k?
You can use my fog machine.
Wikkit
November 25, 2002, 6:29am
3
Could you explain the CountryMaster401k naming system?
Don’t people freekin talk anymore?
[sub]If you feel the need to respond to this post, please contact my lawyer.[/sub]
sailor
November 25, 2002, 8:00pm
5
I’m looking for my Leatherman. Has anybody seen it?