I’ve seen the piece that Master Wang-Ka pasted. Can’t remember where, maybe here. But I’ve seen it.
What’s your insinuation?
JW’s know they can count on me to buy a mag or maybe a new book. They come by at reasonable times, never actually come in to talk (they know me that well G- to be fair tho, it’s usually a woman alone & I’m a guy), and are always quite polite.
LDS guys have gotten better- I’ve had some asshats & I’ve had some polite guys. I was helping a friend who was meeting with LDS chicks & they scheduled a session w/ the Elder (named, I am not kidding, Elder Jim Bishop, or was it Bishop Jim Elder? L)- HE was not an asshat, he was THE ASSHAT! He asked me how I expected to know what church was true, I replied I would compare & contrast their teachings & practices with the Bible & Christian history to see how well they match. His response- “You’ll never find the truth that way!” and then to tell the chicks not to meet with me anymore as I knew & rejected enough of LDS Truth that to share with me any further would put me at risk of greater Divine Judgement.
Wellllllll, isn’t that special!? Wasn’t he just a little bit superior! I guess it’s time to do…
THE SUPERIOR DANCE!!!
Hit it, Pearl! Organ jams!
None, He merely stated that he remembered reading it somewhere else and that the somewhere else was possible these boards.
Maybe Wank-Ka could have linked the thread he pasted from…
I found an easy way to get rid of them. I just tell them I’m a witch, and that they should not “suffer me to live.” Then I yell
MORTAL KOMBAT!
and adopt some deeply mystical kung fu stance, at which point they flee into the early morning light.
Flawless Victory.
It is an image that will live in my mind for ever! Thanks (I think) Master Wang-Ka. I only hope the experience didn’t boost their heaven credit points. Didn’t I read somewhere that the quota for entry into heaven was already filled?
My JW policy - if they are polite, either on the doorstep or in another social situation - say ‘I don’t discuss my personal beliefs with strangers’. If they are pushy, I am not so polite. I can see the OP’s dilemma though, being held hostage by the technician, not wanting to offend him in case it will have an effect on his motivation to finish the job efficiently. Definitely complain to the company and to the local Kingdom Hall, once the installation is complete.
My Granny used to invite them in for a chat while Grandad was at work, just to have someone to talk to. My grandfather got wind of this and told her he disapproved. He also (being an observant Jew) did not take too kindly to the mention of the Lord’s name, so Granny, subversively, took to referring to them as ‘Thingy’s Witnesses’ which I thought was wonderful.
Seven,
A few points about DirecTV:
They don’t come out to install anything most times. They typically use a local authorized installer. So in order to register a REAL complaint(and not just get free/cheap service from them), call DirecTV back, ask for the name and number of the company who sent the JW to your house and properly bitch at them.
My DirecTiVo install took about 30 minutes to install, and the tech and I removed the old cable and pulled new 2-conductor line all the way to the box in that time. There’s abso-fucking-lutely no excuse for a 4 hour project.
Sam
To put in my two cents … I’ve worked with a JW for the past 12 years … and, for the most part, you’d never know. Of course, she doesn’t participate in the office Christmas party, sign birthday cards, or dress up for the Halloween party … but neither do a few of my other anti-social co-workers. haha 
She never, NEVER discusses her religion at work … except for the rare occasion that someone asks her about it. In fact, we had a facinating discussion once about JW’s issues on donating or receiving blood during one of those “blood donation shortages” that happen now and again.
She’s very open and honest … she’ll answer any questions … but she never preaches here at the office. HOWEVER … there are certain days of the week that she cannot work overtime due to her scheduled neighborhood walk-thrus … so she does go door to door.
In any case … I’ve also had the experience of the early Saturday morning visit. And what I found amazing is that they came to my door … EVEN THOUGH I have one of those statues of Mary in the landscaping RIGHT by my front steps. I mean, they HAD to see it … and HAD to know I was Catholic. So … WTF? Why waste my time and theirs by ringing MY doorbell.
That you’re a nosy jackass. What’s yours?
a couple of things i could see myself doing in the situation when i’m confronted by a JW…
i have a street-hockey mask that i “weathered” to look similar to the mask worn by the infamous Jason Vorhees, if i saw a JW on my front porch, i’d simply pull on the mask, grab a convenient blunt instrument, throw open the door, stare coldly at the JW, do the patented Jason “Head Tilt” thingy and take a step towards them (staying silent the whole time)
i also happen to have a paintball marker, mask and gear, alternate version would involve me pulling on the mask, grabbing the marker, opening the door and saying “oh, i’m sorry, you interrupted me, i’m on my way to a game of paintball and i don’t want to be late”
(my marker is a black Tippmann 98 Custom with an expansion chamber, 16" barrel, and 12 ounce CO2 tank with buttplate stock, simply put, at first glance, it looks like a real rifle… 
)
my apartment has a large window, but i have room darkening venetian blinds that make it impossible to see inside the apartment, i can see out, they can’t see in
the best thing is, both of these responses could be seen as “intimidating”, yet i’m doing nothing wrong
I’m one of those really rare people that defy explanation, and I don’t just mean because of my incredibly good looks (cough, :p). For example, I don’t receive the terrible service at fast food restaraunts that everyone discusses. My experiences are, on the whole, pleasant at best and indifferent at worst. JWs represent another factor in that, they’ve never bothered me. I worked with the wife of a JW family (husband and two children) and she absolutely refused to do anything other than indicate she was a JW while at work. She was very nice and I got to know her and hers better, and had dinner at their house. They were not pushy like JWs have a reputation for, and we had some excellent debates without an underlying context of conversion (at least, I didn’t feel like they were trying to convert me). I collected some of the Watchtower books they were willing to give me and still have them.
I was witnessed to by Mormons, though. They wouldn’t leave me alone. I guess the 45 minute conversation on my porch led them to believe I was a fish dangling on the line and all they had to do was reel me in, though I surely never did anything to indicate that was the case, stating my beliefs quite clearly right away.
Coupla thoughts:
First, a few other posters made the same point. I know nothing about the beliefs and rules of Jehovah’s Witness-ism, or whatever it’s called (except where their headquarters are – see below), but I can say that we’ve got two JWs here at the office who are a major pain in the ass about witnessing or whatever you want to call it here at work. It’s not standing up on a soapbox or anything, but it seems like every time one gets into a conversation with either of them, it inevitably moves in that direction. I won’t even say good morning to either of them anymore.
Second, I live right in the middle of the Jehovah’s Witness equivalent of the Vatican (except the one in Rome is much, much nicer-looking). I live in the northern end of Brooklyn Heights, New York, and if you know anything about the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society, you know that that location is pretty much St. Peter’s Basilica and the Papal Palace for them. Anyway, I’ve never, ever had a problem with them knocking on my door, or proseletyzing in the street. And the throngs (literally) of JWs in the 'hood are always well-behaved and friendly, and in every way excellent neighbors.
Seven, you must promise me that you will write a letter of complaint to Direct TV about this.
Not that I give a damn about the pro- or anti- JW cause.
I just want to see Andy Garcia or Lawrence Fishburne read it ‘dramatically’ on TV… :eek:
You truly ARE the Master! Although, I did find one portion of your response that I would have changed…
You should have chased them with the double-ended dildo.
Ha! I’ll see your Jehovah’s Witnesses and raise you two Mormons. Hehe.
When I was 21, a couple of Mormon gentlemen came to my door and asked if I’d like to hear about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I knew that meant Mormon, but I realized I didn’t really know anything about Mormons, even though I was pretty well read in more traditional Christian faiths. So, my eager mind decided, what better way to learn than from Mormons themselves? They stayed and talked for 45 minutes, I served them tea and cookies and demonstrated enthusiastic curiosity. They prayed with me (the longest prayer session…like 15 minutes). They invited me to their church on Sunday and I accepted the offer. They offered to arrange transportation because I had no car. With a promise to call on Saturday to arrange a pick up time, we hugged and parted ways. I never heard from them again, or from anyone else associated with their church.
So, it’s you and me kid, a coupla lucky losers.
Since someone posted a couple of “how to keep x religious nut in check” ideas, I’ll offer one my ex-boss shared with me.
My old boss says he sent two sweet young Mormon girls running screaming from his store when he asked them, “Have you seen any salamanders lately?” Something to do with imagery in the Mormon bible…
That you’ve been a little snarky lately, with the cracks about pens, cowardice, and this unwarranted jackass comment, and that I’m surprised to see it coming from you.
Uncommon Sense, thanks for your comment
Another tip would be to keep them talking for as long as you can bear to, to prevent them from preying (hah) on the more gullible. Same goes for political canvassers you don’t agree with. 
When I was younger I used to invite JW’s in for a “discussion” so I could make sport of them by shredding their arguments. This was especially fun when I had my dickweed, pothead friends over to be a snickering audience (my friends knew I was into this religious studies bag and they often baited me into playing “torment the Christian” at parties and whatnot as well as with JWs). After doing this a couple of times, though, I realized that it wasn’t really as funny as I thought it would be, I was just sort of being mean, they ususally got more confused than shocked or angry and I’d end up feeling like an asshole. They were generally pretty nice, and I ended up feeling some sympathy for them on account of the abuse they took, not so much from atheists (who they told me tended just say “not interested” and close the door) but from Chick-type fundies who thought they were a cult. Sonce my natural inclination is to defend the underdog I sort of quit taking any joy in debating with JWs and discovered it was more satisfying to defend JW theology to fundies just to be a pain in the ass.
I also once had a boss who was JW (I was a line cook at a restauraunt and he was the manager). He didn’t proselytize but he did forbid the playing of rock music on the kitchen radio and the wearing of “offensive” t-shirts (“Offensive” included any sort of rock band or pop culture reference). These rules were largely ignored, at least while he wasn’t there. He was a tool but I think he was just naturally a tool, the JWs didn’t make him that way.
The one exception to my reformed policy on taunting JWs was a guy who played guitar in my band. We were a death metal band and he actually wasn’t supposed to even play an instrument much less be in a metal band so it was a weird juxtaposition. Occasionally, his study groups and witnessing would conflict with band rehearsals or gigs and he would have to make a choice. We needed him in the band so we started making some oretty disparaging remarks about his religious duties. I also started in with my old, sneering, destroy the Christian monologues. I’m not proud of it. I was a dick to him but I was an immature know-it-all. I might not have been so aggressive if he wasn’t such a hypritical JW anyway. He pretty much violated every rule they had. Besides the band, he smoked dope, had his hair long, swore, shagged groupies and did everything the rest of us did. I don’t know why he even stayed with the JWs as long as he did. Eventually we convinced him it was bullshit and he quit. Since then, I’ve always left JWs alone.
Excuse me? If I had made my cracks twenty paragraphs long and pasted them from an archive of My Favorite Writings By Me, and directed them toward people whom I blame for my own inability to take charge of my own environment in my own home — then I would have passed muster under your discerning eye and infallible judgment?
I wish I could write like the Master up there.
We haven’t had any JWs around since we put a pair of 'em to work. They volunteered, mind you.
A couple of years ago, a friend of ours was about to move to South Carolina and she was getting rid of a bunch of her stuff. She gave us an entertainment center. A large entertainment center, its footprint is about the same size as our loveseat. It took the three of us to walk it down a flight of stairs and load it into her minivan, where it took up pretty much the entire cargo area.
We spotted a couple of young men in standard JW recruiting garb when we arrived at our complex. At first we were a bit concerned but then our thoughts turned to how we would get the entertainment center up to our second floor condo. Lo and behold, the JWs saw what we were doing and offered to take it up for us! We accepted.
Naturally, they went into their spiel once they set it down. By then, our friend and I had disappeared into the kitchen to let my SO deal with the JWs. She had been one until she got tired of their bull. She was a bit perturbed at having to deal with the JWs but she understood why we did what we did. If anyone knows how to get rid of JWs, it’s someone who had been one.
He said “pen”, not “penis”.
I’ll add Wang-Ka to the list of people up against the wall when the revolution comes. He’s right behind all of the members of the Academy for denying Bill Murray his well-deserved Oscar.
However, you seem a little on edge lately, so I’ll gracefully bow out with my apologies.
(Oh, and my judgment is infallible only when I speak ex lnothedra. I’ll let you know when that is.)