You think I could do what with those?

The BBQ Pit
1

Semi-short “rant”, more in incredulous laughter at the perps than in anger.

I just got back from Fairbanks to do a quick project on a jobsite located there. As part of the equipment I took a PID (photoionization detector, “sniffs” volatile organic compounds) with me.

First of all, the metal shoelace loop protectors on my boots made the metal detector go off. That part was no biggie. What cracked me up, and made me shake my head was their (the Airport security people’s) reaction to the PID. They stopped it as it went through the machine, called the supervisor over to look at it, discussed it for several minutes while looking at me, and finally asked me if they could take a look.

“Sure” I said. They looked all through it, and then pounced on the little wrenches that assist in fastening the nozzle to the top of the instrument.

They are the same sort one gets in a “some assembly required” child’s bike or something. You know, flat, dull edged, they’d probably break under too much pressure?

They asked me if I needed them. I said “yes” and then pointed to the nozzle to show them how the instrument worked. I said “besides, it’s not sharp at all, how could it be considered dangerous”?

And they said (I kid you not) “well, planes have bolts and screws and things, you could undo something”.

I somehow managed to not laugh at them and at the same time sweetly assured them that I would do no such thing, and that I really needed the little wrench.

They let me keep it.

But, really now!!

I could “undo things”??? Like what? I’m going to go out on the wing and unbolt it? Argh… people. THINK!

2

Yes, unfortunately, the level of thought that goes into many airline security procedures nowdays is astoundingly low. The excessive caution on the part of the authorities is, IMO, designed to cover up the embarrassment they feel at having been so fucking useless for so fucking long. Instead of upgrading security properly with fully-trained staff and the requisite hardware, they have taken instead to petty and pedantic rummaging in an attempt to find anything not made out of nerf.

I am a regular on a few digital photography forums, and a common complaint is the excessive pulling and bashing that security personnel inflict on fragile electronic equipment. Also, these geniuses frequently ask for the camera to be opened so they can see that it is indeed a camera, but many of them have not yet come to grips with the fact that you can’t “open” a digital camera because it doesn’t take film. It’s essentially little more than a small computer with a lens on the front.

And, while the restriction on knives is understandable in the light of the major hijackings of 16 months ago, do they really think that anyone is going to be able to take over a plane with a two inch nail file or a one inch sunglasses screwdriver? They confiscate such items, yet they let me on my last flight with two bottles of wine, each of which could be smashed to make a much more effective weapon than either the nail file or the mini-screwdriver.

But you can understand their caution. I mean, those little wrenches of yours could probably remove a tray table if used properly. :rolleyes:

3

Last spring I was flying out of Vancouver with a Pentax K1000 in my carry-on. This is a basic, older camera - just a body and lens. The flash has to be attached.

Security asked me to set off the flash for them. I explained that I didn’t have the flash with me and that it is not an “electronic” camera. I told her how there is only a small battery for the light meter and that you just focus and press the little button.

She then held it up and took my picture to see if it would explode.

:smack:

4

Perhaps it was the black leather jacket, but my luggage was expensively searched, nothing found except my well worn Rider Waite Tarot Deck. This was set aside as if it were a pound of heroin. Then I had to explain why I was bringing it into the country. These guys were all A type personalities in suits with way THTOMH.

5

Semi-regrettably, I’ve probably taken my last airline flight. I refuse to pay double for a ride and I KNOW my pocket contents ain’t gonna pass muster anymore.

The last time I had to pass through an airport metal detector it took four of those little baskets to put all the stuff out of my pockets into.

Lemme see here…Six way screwdriver… nope, vise grips…nope, pocket knife…nope, 40 pounds of assorted change…probably not, duct tape…doubt it.

Hey, I’m a handyman and I feel bare without my tools.

Thank the gods for bib overalls! Come to think of it they didn’t even like those because of the metal clasps and buttons.

6

Siiiiggghh!

I wish I could say the same. But we’re rather stuck with it, being in Alaska and all (which some people, you’d be surprised how many) think is not a state.

Laughing at all the commiserating comments above. I guess I was lucky, I didn’t get the type A’s on this trip, just the overcautious and rather silly ones. They were at least polite, if perplexed, security people.

(On a weirder note, the lady that inspected my stuff in the Anchorage Airport, had a dead ringer in the Fairbanks Airport, who inspected my stuff when I checked in for my return flight. Where even MORE strangely, my boots did NOT set off the alarm on the metal detector [???])

7

They’re detachable ? :eek:

8

They’re plural? :dubious:

9

Can we get an acronym translation in Aisle 7?

10

Too (H?) Time On My Hands.

I think Mothchunks meant Too much time on their hands.

11

I’ve read about airline pilots not being allowed to carry the Leatherman multi-tools many of them keep so they can make minor mechanical adjustments in flight. These are the pilots. The people who fly the planes. One of whom was actually arrested (I’ll try and find the cite) when he got fed up with having to take his shoes off every day for the “Security” people, and pointed out that if he were a terrorist, he could simply fly the plane into a building.

12

Canvasshoes,
I use Hydrogen in my business (as a flame carrier) and I had to take an H2 generator (Whatman) to a job (it was an emergency replacement), I was flying so I checked it (it was boxed up), I spent HOURS trying to explain to those idiots what it was and what it does and why I needed it on the plane, I missed like 5 flights (almost hourly), but they eventually just gave up and let it on the plane, from then on knew to pack with these rocket scientists in mind.

unclviny

13

That’s just stupidity at the utmost level. I used to work the flightline in the 80s, I remember the pilots checking the fuel dipsticks using their leatherman to unscrew it.

Sheesh, what’re they supposed to use now? Their belt buckles?

14

Airport security can be fun.

I’ve had this mental picture since the events of September 11th.

Minnie Weebit, a 4’11, 95 lb. secretary and devout Southern Baptist, age 64, is in line at the metal detector.

Behind her are Hans and Franz Vikingpower, identical twins, 6’5, 320 lbs, age 27, and both semi-finalists in last year’s World’s Strongest Man competition. They’re both black belt Karateka, former professional boxers, and recent converts to a radical sect that believes modern society has encouraged weakness and must be destroyed so that the worship of Odin can be reinstated. Anyone furthering this goal will be guaranteed a seat in Valhalla.

Minnie has in her posession a nail file, a pair of nail scissors, an MP3 player, and a pair of shoes that are held together with tacks.

Hans and Franz are just wearing underwear, sweatpants, and muscle shirts, and have not carry-on baggage.

While the security folk are making sure that Minnie doesn’t have any of those dangerous objects on her, in case she tries to rush the cockpit and take over the plane, the one remaining guard waves Hans and Franz through.

On another board I spend time at, a poster who travels alot reported that he had encountered a group of young men of middle eastern ancestry who had a pool going. Each of them had put in $50.00, and the one who got pulled out of line and searched the most often on their trip would be declared the official terrorist, and win all of the money.

15

From what I’ve read, I will never fly again. With a double hernia repair involving stainless steel, and a knee repair using titanium plating and screws, getting on an aircraft would be akin to the welcome party on C block at the local penitentiary.

Not unlike the zero tolerance “read zero common sense” policies prevalent in our schools, this is another case of a good idea morphed into idiocy. Despite my best attempts, I cannot recall a nail-clipper wielding fiend ever taking over an aircraft, train, or church bus. “Stop, or I’ll clip!” is not a memorable threat from any movie I’ve seen.

Why is it that in an attempt to do the right thing, asshat syndrome is the invariable result?

16

Because it’s easier to be an asshat than actually THINK about what you are doing?