When I was in high school, I had the distinction of being the student who reads the daily morning announcements over the intercom for the entire school. One day, as I was reading an announcement about boys’ swimming, I read a list of the names of about a half-dozen admittedly attractive young men, and announced that they would be participating in the “Boys’ sexual tournament” rather than the sectional tournament.
Piped into every classroom in the school. Ahhh, school days!
Not really freudian…more like one of those times when you really, really, are trying very very hard not to think or say the one thing in the world that would be the worst thing to say in the whole wide world…and then you say it. I don’t even want to type it up again. Enjoy !
Just for good measure: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack:
Penis ensued.
Oh wait, that wasn’t me. 
:smack:
slinks away
I was talking on the phone with a friend of mine, who was being a pain as usual, teasing me mercilessly. I told him I was going to kick his ass. Except I said “kiss” instead of “kick.” He then made it worse by replying solemnly, “I’m not into that.”
Not a Freudian slip exactly, but I work for a stock film footage company and my job is to produce the masters for the client. These are done on Beta SP tapes. Well, I was teaching one of my co-workers how to use the equipment and somehow I got tongue-tied and told him all about “the master betas.” :smack:
I didn’t say it but I was there to laugh at it. My friend’s husband collects antique toys. He was very proud of the vintage erector set he had recently purchased because it had hundreds of parts and was mint in the box. Several of us at the party had already admired it when his wife cheerfully answered to door to some latecomers by saying, “Come on in and see Mike’s huge erection set! He’s very proud of it because it still works!” :smack:
It would be hard to decide who was the most embarrassed.
So we have these glass offices in my company, and I sit about 5 feet from the wall of the office belonging to my hyperactive English boss. He has an annoying habit of sitting at his desk and throwing those stress reliever balls at the glass and catching them again, and I live in fear that he is someday going to hit the sprinkler head above him and drown us all.
So he is in a meeting with my new manager and two other fairly new employees, with the door closed, and he’s throwing this thing at the glass every…<thunk>…few…<thunk>…seconds…<thunk>… until I think I am going to go insane. It’s like Chinese water torture, and I have Had It.
So I open the door to his office, and in my best Mommy Voice say “Michael, if you don’t stop that right now, I am going to confiscate your balls!!”. :eek:
Yeah, I’m still paying for that one.
lightingtool,p thanks for the memory. I remember the first time I’d heard it (although the teller said it as “You stupid bitch, you’ve ruined my fucking life.”), and I sprayed beer over all present in a fit of uncontrolled hilarity. It’s GOTTA be the funniest yuk-engender I’ve heard. EVER. 
I have a friend who is constantly making slips of the tongue (not always Freudian) and generally mangling the English language, and after one gaff (which I can’t recall) she blushed and said “Oh dear, I made a Freudian strip”
She blushed a lot more after that one…
Grim
I once saw a poster for band called the Freudian Slits.
My girlfriend recently managed to combine a freudian slip with a wonderful spoonerism…
… we were at the cinema queuing for snacks, and when it came to her turn she confidently announced that she wanted “a large portion of cockporn”.
The poor lad behind the counter didn’t quite know how to respond to that!
(I was in stitches, and my girlfriend was a lovely shade of bright red) 
Damn you e-logic. Now I won’t be able to buy popcorn ever again without going into hysterics. :mad:
Hee!
I was IMing with a friend the other day, and she was talking about eating stew made with elk . What I intended to type was"I’ve never eaten elk" , but instead, what I typed was:
“I’ve never eaten ELF.”
To which she replied “Neither have I dammit.” (We are both huge fans of Legolas)
Elf. The other white meat.
I always think of them as “Freudian Clits”.
Love the popcorn one.
I once asked a girl for a date that might include a drink while looking into the fireplace. It came out something like this:
“Wanna come up to my place after work? We can open a bottle of wine and face-sit by the fire.”
Hey, I’da takin it either way!
I’m sitting here with my son, and he was spontaneously reading some of the thread titles out loud, and when he got to this one he said “Your best Federation ship.”
Totally unintentional, genuine Freudian slip! 
While at Pizza Hut with my 90 year old grandma, she pointed to an item on the menu and asked me what it was. I told her, “That’s marinara.”
When the waitress came to take our order, my grandma promptly said, “Yes. I’ll take the marijuana.”
After we picked our chins up off the floor, hiliarity ensued.