I can’t find it on line, but Robert “All I Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten” wrote an essay about going into a kindergarten class vs. a college class and asking the students whether they could sing, dance, draw, etc. The kindergarteners answered “Sure! Let’s do it.” The college students “No. Not really.” What happens?
Also, Spike Lee once said “More dreams are killed by parents than any other people.” Consider that next time you tell you child they can’t do something that is good for them.
My daughter at various times over the years took piano lessons, and tap, and ballet, and gymnastics, and played softball, and was on the swim team. She pretty much sucked at all of them. I didn’t care. She was trying new things, meeting new people, and having fun. We knew her future didn’t lie in any of those areas (she teaches science now) and we told her “Do your best and don’t worry about anyone else.”
I had accordion lessons when I was 7. I sucked at it, but my folks never told me that. However, I learned to read music from those lessons, and some years later when I picked up my first guitar, I had a foundation to build upon.
Who knows what you kid will get out of dance lessons, even if he never dances in the future. One day it may click and he’ll be good, or he may decide it’s not what he wants to do. As he moves through his school years, make sure he pays proper attention to his education so he can support himself one day. But let him have his fun. He’s just a little kid…
She sucks. I mean SUCKS. And she doesn’t like to practice, either. She just likes to imagine she’s floating around. She cries for hours when she stubs her toe. She has short legs and big bones. She is beautiful–don’t get me wrong, she is also slim, but she genuinely has big BONES–and a ballerina, she is not.
I have decided to let her go ahead at the Y and if she wants to do more, I’ll have a talk with the teacher. The problem with ballet is the whole eating-disorder thing, too.
She also likes gymnastics.
I think it’s the sparkly leotards.
I wish she’d take up swim, which she has a natural aptitude for, and which is much better for girls physically and fits her body type. But it’s her life.
What is it that he’s so talented at that you’d rather see him doing?
My daughter, 15, is really good at drawing. Perhaps some of it is natural talent, but I don’t think you could see much of it at 6. Her drawings then looked like every other kid’s at school. She doesn’t see herself as especially talented. I praised one of her drawings recently and said, “I wish I could draw like that.” She told me, “Anyone could draw like that–you just have to practice.” And practice she does. She draws every single day, because she enjoys it.
If you need a pragmatic reason to let him keep going, he’s learning a valuable skill that you can improve and stick with something that doesn’t come as naturally to you as the other kids.
I’ve seen too many kids who don’t persist at something important because they learned early on that if they weren’t good at something their was no point. The danger is that there are so many things we all have to learn that we may not be really good at, or may not be good at initially. Natural talent in life only goes so far- my son is extremely gifted in math and gets lapped (grade-wise) by kids who can work through hard stuff, stick with it and overcome difficulties. That was the skill he had to learn- persistence when things don’t come easily, and it wasn’t an easy lesson to learn.
However, the real answer is how you define success at something. Is it purely an objective measure against an outside standard, or is there value in doing the activity because it brings joy to your life regardless of anyone else’s measure? The activity brings him joy. Isn’t that enough for anyone?
At that age, I was the only kid in my class not enrolled in the weekend gym club. Because my mother assumed I’d be terrible at it.
I’m not naturally that coordinated, but the fact my classmates were all doing extra training made the gap bigger, so I felt even worse in comparison. I pretty much avoided all sports from about then, at least partly because I was discouraged from even trying. I became the fat kid, who was good at excuses, and didn’t join in games in the playground, then a sedentary adult. Until about 3 years ago, when I finally found an exercise form I liked- hoop dancing- then earlier this year I took up performance, joined a fire performing group, and toured festivals with it.
Seriously, the worst case scenario, and the thing you seem to really want to avoid is he decides he’s not enjoying it any more because someone tells him he’s rubbish, and he starts feeling self conscious about it. I don’t see how you discouraging him because you feel he’s rubbish could possibly be better. He’ll probably get bored of it of his own accord, and find something else to do- and if he doesn’t- well, he’s enjoying himself and getting exercise. I really don’t see the problem.
I haven’t read the whole thread but I had something to add. Let him keep trying. My son has always been very interested in art, but hasn’t been very good at it. His main problems are that he’s too lazy to take the time to do finishing work, and he’s in too much of a hurry to do the basics well. As an artist myself I have tried to work with him and teach him things, but for the longest time nothing “took.”
But then suddenly in the last year or so something changed and his aptitude has really taken off. He takes more time, is more careful, and his drawings have gotten quite good. Good enough that some of his classmates have said they “didn’t believe he drew that.”
So maybe your son isn’t good at dancing now, but with training and time he may cross over some line in the future and become good at it. If nothing else, it makes him happy.
Raise your hand, please, if you think I’m proposing that I tell the kid something to the effect of “Hey, you suck at this, so we’re not going to let you do it anymore.”
Overall it seems like you don’t have very high expectations of your son. (Based also on the swinging thread you mentioned.) He may not be as good as the other kids in his class but even if he has done it longer than them, does that really mean anything? Considering how young they all are. It just seems like you don’t think all that highly of him…
That would be a massively egregious case of taking a sentence out of context. Almost on the order of proving God’s non-existence by pointing out the Bible contains the sentence “There is no God” in it…
Yes, you’re right, I think my kid is bad at everything and is heading nowhere in life. The best he’s got ahead of him is living in my basement petting a puppy. I was certainly trying my best to communicate this in my OP, and I am unhappy to see you’re the only one who really caught on.
Well, painfully and embarrassingly bad are just pretty loaded when describing a six year old’s performance. Do most parents worry that much about whether their kids are succeeding at their hobbies when they’re that young? It just seems a little strange to care about it at all.
There’s not a whole lot you can do about it but let him keep trying and cross your fingers that eventually something will click and he’ll get better or he’ll find another interest.
I have a kid who loves to sing but has a voice that needs a lot of work and for the longest time I felt exactly like you do Frylock. I was so worried she was going to get up on stage and embarrass herself and that the kids would make fun. I was doubly frustrated because she has co opted her guitar teacher into spending more time on singing lessons which have helped her tremendously but she’s really good at the guitar and would be exceptional if she’d concentrate on that instead of the singing. In the end, her voice has improved a lot recently and she will hold her own in the musical showcase next month.
It’s funny how kids seem to enjoy the things they’re not so great at more than the things they do well. My daughter was also a pretty good violinist but as soon as it was no longer compulsory at school, she put it down and never touched it again. Her sister on the other hand doesn’t play as well and has continued with it and although she has a beautiful voice, she refuses to sing in public.
The only time you should really have to deal with it is if your son decides to audition for America’s Got Talent. I can’t believe how many parents allow their (deluded) children to audition for these shows, only to have them end up on the blooper reel. Then I think you owe it to your child to really examine how good they are at something before they are really humiliated.
I’ll second this. I’m a very good drawer for a non-professional artist, and it’s only because I never stopped. I drew on the back of my exam papers through high school. Most people stop at age 8, and draw like 8 year olds for the rest of their lives.
Don’t be so sure he isn’t going to do well.
I’ve coached baseball from T-ball on up and the kids who have everything come easy to them right out of the gate have a much harder time later.
They get used to succeeding without trying, they don’t pay attention to fundamentals and they get frustrated. It’s the kids who had to figure it out - and did cause they really wanted to - those are the ones who really learn to play the game.
