Prepackaged enema. Works a charm, and gets stuff out without the risk of adding more to the impaction that eating does. (of course you have to eat anyway, but still)
Taco Bell!
Or really, anything with psyllium will do. Not all fiber is created alike.
There used to be this test program by IIRC General Mills, where you could go online and blend a custom cereal and have it delivered in the cute little single bowls.
I made one that I had labeled Colon Blow - bran twigs, cranberry nuggets and toasted macadamia nut bits. It was something like 35 grams fiber for whatever the largest portion they would package which was 3/4 cup. Tasted fantastic too =)
So you could say they work like a charm?
Mmmmm. Dried apricots. I loves me some dried apricots.
Yeah, dried apricots do this for me as well. I need to be careful how many I eat - I love them and will OD on them if I don’t watch it.
Oh, and coffee. Definitely coffee.
Raw leafy greens, especially spinach and romaine lettuce, seem to always sail through pretty quick for me, apparently fairly unmolested, it seems.
Even pasteurized apple juice does it for me.
Prunes are the best, though. It’s just sometimes easier, or tastier, to have some apple juice.
On the fiber thing: I have an issue with, so far, every fiber-type product I have tried. Powders, bars, whole grains, whatever; it all blocks me up even worse and bloats me to where I think I’m going to explode. Which is usually the situation I’m trying to avoid. So…if anyone has an issue with added fiber in their diet, I would recommend not pushing it too hard and trying something else. 
The “hard stool” bit is vexing me. If you’re drinking lots of water and eating plenty of fibre, that shouldn’t be the case. Are you perhaps doing these at different times? Dry fibre is actually impacting. Wet fibre cleanses. Two glasses of water with any meal that contains fibre would be a good place to start.
Also, type of fibre matters. there are soluble and unsoluble fibres. The very best I’ve found are either oat bran or the whites on the inside of orange and grapefruit peels. I just peel the very thin skin off the outside with a paring knife and eat therest. Works like a charm. (Must drink water with this.)
Another possible cause of hard stool would be cheese. are you eating lots and lots of cheese these days?
I have a friend who actually ended up in major abdominal surgery due to too much cheese and not enough fibre/water in his diet. He was down for nearly three weeks. (He was a bit of a baby about it. . .)
Going back over the suggestions, I think the stool softener should be your first purchase. Get the existing problem softened up and out before you load up three more cars on this train. . .
If it doesn’t clear out within a couple of days, The oil enemas are the most comfortable. . . or the least uncomfortable. . .
I am somewhat lactose intolerant. So I use it to my advantage… instead of eschewing it, I drink about a pint of skim milk in the morning. The milk, along with high fiber cereal and coffee, gets the train rolling within an hour.
I generally find fiber works best for me; that is, I take fiber supplements. For some reason my body responds to my lactose intolerance in the opposite of the way most people’s do, so if I avoid dairy, I have fewer problems with constipation.
That’s the generic name for Miralax in case the OP doesn’t recognize it.
My son had encopresis as a youngster and we gave him a stiff-ish dose of Miralax to get things cleared out initially, then a slightly smaller dose on a daily basis for quite a few years.
I’m not a coffee drinker but I’ve heard that can act as a stimulant.
When I’m taking iron supplements, which do Bad Things to the digestive tract, I try to alternate the iron tablets with Fibercon (or generic) chased by a fair bit of water. It definitely helps even things out (and the nice thing about Fibercon is that if things are too loose it can help bind them a bit).
And of course you can always schedule some activity where you will have no access to a bathroom for hours… your gut will notice, and be perverse :).
Yeah, MZ, that’s a good one. Dress to the nines and go to a really nice restaurant or museum or something…you’ll be rolling for sure. 
Though in fairness, the OP did say “no jokes” but after popping with more reasonable commentary, I couldn’t resist a bit of humor!!
Be careful with the dried fruits (like prunes and apricots). The gas from those can be devastating. Like, “room clearing,” devastation.
I have pretty chronic constipation, so I take Miralax (now available over the counter). I take a half dose, every other day, and it keeps me fairly regular. I take more if need be (particularly when I have been pregnant and on prenatals).
Good luck!
Haha the first car I owned with seats that have heaters in them always made me feel like I had to poop. Somehow the subject came up with my kids; and they were laughing hysterically because they felt the same way!
[quote=“Philster, post:14, topic:584614”]
Two hot cups of full strength coffee and some dietary fat. That’ll get ya moving along. Walk around. Keep active.
[QUOTE]
This is exactly what I’d recommend, pretty much in this order. Drink some coffee, have a little fat and start walking.
I recently began taking Metformin (Generic Glucophage) for impaired glucose tolerance. One PRAYS FOR some constipation. Not helpful for you, just complaining.
For future prevention, if you’re a cereal eater, a daily bowl of Raisin Bran for breakfast isn’t the worst idea ever.
Coffee always works for me, which is actually why I stopped drinking it (I hardly ever get constipated, and I didn’t like sitting in class feeling like I had to take a dump). Also n-thing the prunes.