I’m sorry it’s such a struggle. If I hadn’t heard my Nana say “you’ll marry a man like your father” so many times, I think I’d probably have ended up on the same route as you. But as moejoe says, you’re being pretty positive about it all and looking for solutions. No way are you neglectful - how can you do more and work the two jobs to keep it all going? You sound like you’ve very well bonded with the little chap.
MissSwitac, you may want to look into low-cost legal services in your area. If the words of a random anonymous Internet stranger mean anything … you need to disentangle your life, and your son’s life, from this abusive man’s life. Doing so will be hard, for sure, but it’s the best path for both of you. Your primary job right now is to protect your infant. Good luck to the both of you, and please feel free to consider us friends here. We’re pulling for ya.
It pales in comparison with what some of you are going through, but here’s mine: I have this ridiculous need to be too hard on myself. Things I would forgive in a heartbeat in other people - hell, things I wouldn’t even friggin’ notice - when I do them, I go into this stupid spiral of self-hate, then I’m pissed at myself for being so irrational, which makes everything worse. It’s utterly self-defeating, it makes Mr. Horseshoe nuts, and it’s a waste of time, energy, love, life.
Of course, then I spend more time and energy lamenting all that lost time and energy … lather, rinse, repeat. It’s gotta stop. Each time it happens, I tell myself this is the last time I get lost in such pointless misery.
I could have wrote your post 30 years ago because I was in the same spot. It’s hard but I had to do what was right for my children. I started working and saved up to leave. It was hard but my kids had to come first. It turned out well for all of us.
If you can’t find work you may want to look into a safe place or a womans shelter. The one in my area will keep you safe, help you through the divorce and even get you and your baby set up in an apartment. Good Luck.
Dealing with emotions (mostly anxiety) that make no sense from benzodiazepine withdrawal, and not becoming depressed about it. Count yourself lucky if you’ve never experience an anxiety that completely lacks any negative thoughts that start it.
Anxiety can ruin your life, and the only drug I’m on is caffeine. Which I NEED to get going during the day, which may be fueling the anxiety…it’s a vicious circle. And I find myself imagining the very worst IS going to happen, because things have always worked out in the past, but NOW my good luck has run out and the very worst is going to happen, next time. Daughter has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I am a nervous idiotic wreck because I fear they’ll find something terribly wrong and she has no insurance! Mother left a message to call on answering machine - obviously, MOM is deathly ill! Brother driving out of town? He’ll have a terrible crash! Husband not up at his usual time on the weekend? He’s upstairs unconscious from a brain aneurysm!
WHERE does this shit thinking COME FROM? I am so SICK of it.
I fell in love with a beautiful, dizzyingly intelligent, and implausibly calm woman. This is someone who has never raised her voice, even when she is furious. Doesn’t have friend drama. And so many other great qualities. I’d like to marry her someday (soon). But there’s the problem.
There are some days where it feels like she is the only one who doesn’t see just how much I care for her. Her friends see it, my friends see it, heck, even her * mom* sees it. But every time the topic of marraige/kids comes up, she gets panicky and uncomfortable. She says she wants to do a lot of things before she has kids, like go back to school and get a Masters Degree (understandable). She won’t move out of her parent’s house until she’s married, and she’s currently 25. I’m turning 30 this September, and in a wierd reversal, I’m the one who feels like the clock is ticking.
My best friend got married last October. We reunited with an old high school friend who is married and just had his second kid. I have several cousins who got married. My brother has a live-in girlfriend. I’m starting to wonder how much longer before all my younger cousins/siblings are married off, and I’m still in the same spot- still living alone in the tiny apartment in the Bay Area, going to weddings and trying to be happy for other people. But when I think about the prospects of me getting married, based on what my girlfriend has told me, it probably won’t happen until another 5 years. Kids? she doesn’t want them until she’s in her mid-thirties, which would make me forty. Meanwhile I see all these couples who from my perspective don’t seem to have to jump through the same hoops to have that 
I got in a debate with my girlfriend about ‘love at first sight’. She was talking about how her sister/friend/etc just knew from day one they were going to marry the guy they met. Personally I felt like it seemed easier to imagine they thought that AFTER things were more or less headed toward marriage. But she disagrees, and believes in ‘destiny’ which is troubling- since she didn’t feel that wa when she met me, what destiny do we have? She says, “I don’t know yet” which is rather convenient :rolleyes:
I guess TLDR version I’m worried I’m going to spend all these years patiently waiting for my girlfriend to be ready to be married, but have her change her mind somewhere along the line and feel like all that patience was for nothing.
I have gone through a good chunk of my life like this combined with a lot of argumentativeness and a horribly opinionated nature (opinions often not even backed up by fact). I started anger management counselling four years ago and, for the most part, the anger crap is sorted out. The kicker is that I am now aware and can look back over the first 45 yrs of my life only to recognize a huge wasteland of badly treated people, opportunities not taken advantage of, potential unfulfilled etc. Electric Warrior, I’m not assuming anything about you and I don’t intend to be presumptuous but, if you’re seriously worried about this please try to sort it out now for your own sake. Twenty yrs old is young but once you hit 40 the years fly by.
I met a woman who is pretty much the ultimate nerdy girlfriend for me, total scifi nut, smart, cute, curvy in all the ways that drive me wild. She obviously likes me, likes hanging out with me, we are affectionate but not intimate mainly because she has some long distance ex who she is not totally over, who lives a couple hours away who apparently likes to stop by every few weeks and remind her why she was soo in love with him for many years. :rolleyes: and he thinks Battlestar/startrek/b5/stargate/xfiles are lame.
Well at least I have someone to hang with who understands that “Fracking toaster” does not always mean a failure to make proper toast.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.
About 3 years ago I divorced my husband because he had been cheating on me for who knows how long. It took me a long time to file for divorce because I had always considered it as a failure, and I didn’t want to fail. My self esteem was so low, if my own husband didn’t want to be with me, who would?
After the divorce I went on a random “dating” spree. I was looking for something, I just didn’t know what it was. That’s when I met my current BF. I was on a dating site and we hit it off from the first conversation. We spent hours and hours talking on the phone before we finally met. He was so great and we got along so well. Maybe I was just oblivious to the warning signs.
Shortly after we started officially dating, he lost his job and I let him move in with me. Then I found out that he had a drinking problem. The last two years my life has been a roller coaster ride that I can’t get off of, and I’m not even sure that I want to. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all bad. He still is a great person when he’s sober. He’s also awesome with my kids. Their dad isn’t really interested in spending time with them unless he has to, and even then there is some excuse on why he has to bring them home early. My kids LOVE my BF and are really close to him. He usually doesn’t start drinking until after they are in bed, so they don’t really see it. My older daughter knows he is an alcoholic, I’ve had the discussion with her.
I guess my biggest problem is that he won’t get a job. He always has an excuse on why it isn’t a good time, or why he can’t. I feel very frustrated that I have to support him and my kids (I work 3 jobs). I just want someone who will put as much effort into our life as I do. I go to Al-Anon meetings and everyone there is really supportive even though I know they would probably tell me to “kick the bum out” like most of my friends do. I feel like I’m in love with my BF and I couldn’t do that to him. But what if it doesn’t get better? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life like this? I dont’ think so. But I can’t seem to get the courage to just step up and take control of the situation. Ugh.
I retired this year. I’ve worked since I was thirteen so this has been a big (and ongoing) adjustment for me.
I am in love with my co-worker but he has no idea. We’ve shared an office for just over a year. We clicked the minute we met. We have many of the same interests–music, books, movies-- and the same strange sense of humor. He is what I consider the perfect man for me–he is kind and compassionate, intelligent, funny (and if I can be shallow for a minute, in great physical condition). Everything I’ve ever wanted. Except that he’s married, so nothing can or will ever happen between us. He is in a shitty marriage and it’s all I can do not to yell, “leave the bitch and come to me!” But of course I would never ever do that and even if I did, he wouldn’t because he is committed to his sons and to making his marriage work. So instead I die inside a little bit every day. And it sucks.
I’m slowly coming to realize that my problems with ADD might not really be that, but that I’m expecting too much from myself at times. Is it really bad that a lot of days I can’t focus after work well enough to get other productive things (like working on a novel) accomplished? What do other people except to accomplish after work and on their days off, anyway? Somehow I think a lot more people curl up in front of the TV and call it a day than do anything amazing… maybe I’m not so lazy after all.
Sorry to say this, but this friend is a real jerk. I had a similar experience with someone who I thought I could trust and let me tell you… the problem isn’t with you; it’s with that person. I say that because in life I’ve come across a few people who often see confiding in them as the perfect chance to bitch and moan about what’s wrong with you and get you to change. In other words, what they do is hijack a moment you’re trying to have with them and making it all about the issues they have with you. This is because you’re emotionally upset, seeking validation from them, and have their undivided attention, so they feel you’re not only in a perfect state to listen to their gripes but be emotionally manipulated.
My advice? Don’t use that friend’s reaction as a measure of how everyone is. She’s clearly the type of person who’s not mature enough to listen to people’s problems. Believe that there are many people out there who don’t seize reaching out as an opportunity to nag or bitch at you.
How aobut a death diagnosis? Renal failure. It will be another 6 weeks until I get even a hint of expectancy (the expression on my PCP’s face when I suggested 10 years indicated that that was a wee bit beyound the probable).
On the plus side, I no longer worry about getting hooked on the pain and/or sleep meds…
Is there prize?
creatinine (sp) 3.7 GFR 17 CKD stage 4 (61 yr old white US male).
((((((be strong, best wishes)))))
No prize.
Folks can go for many years on dialysis. I’ve seen some last over a decade. Is transplant an option?
And keep in mind, being alive carries its own death diagnosis. I’m 52, and according to actuarial tables and my diagnoses, my life expectancy is about another 10 years. Oh well, one never knows.
Well, I recently (March 31) began starting having severe anxiety and anxiety attacks shortly after my parents divorced, and have now had to quit my job, get a restraining order on my other mother, and basically became a shut-in.
Figuring out a way to generate continuous income, with no money, no family, no resources, and a pile of bills, has been no easy task – all while continuing to deal with severe anxiety. The only way I’ve lasted these past few months was by selling off anything I owned that held any value – all of which is basically gone now.
This year was supposed to be a good year. I guess there are still a few months left.
I really hate when people say that. You don’t own any ‘moments’ between people. When there are two people in a relationship (including friendships), they both have a right to their feelings, especially when one of those people are working hard to understand and try their best to help the other. Things like this are hard for both people in the situation.
If you come to someone with a problem, and you want to confide in them, that is fine. Hopefully the friend will be helpful to you. But if that friend loves you and your problem effects them also, then it isn’t just your problem any longer. You have shared it, it is both of your problems now, and it may be bumpy for you both until you work it out. And good friends and sisters will work it out in the end.
Some days, I feel like I’m doing all right. I have a pretty nice apartment, a husband who loves me, two great cats, and sisters that are like my best friends. My two favorite things are to write books and teach people how to write papers and I get to do both of those things for a living. I have plenty of things to keep me busy, I’m playing in a fandom I really like and that really likes me, and tomorrow I get to see Paul McCartney.
Other days, I feel like I’m going to start crying and never stop. My sister is leaving for London in October for a PhD program and I’m going to miss her so much, plus I am so jealous. She’s doing what I always thought I wanted to do. She’s going to have an amazing life in London and an amazing career and not only is going to be so difficult to let her go (probably forever, why would she ever move back to Utah) but it kills me that I’m always going to feel like a failure. Sure I publish books and it’s great, but in five years of hard, hard work and constantly trying, I could never get and agent or an offer from a New York pub. I’m beginning to feel like I probably never will. I make an okay amount of money, but lately it feels like it’s never enough and right now I am behind on several bills and I hate that. I feel like such an utter failure because my car note will be a week late and my credit cards might be later than that. It’s been a very bad year for me, work wise and health wise and that’s why I’m behind (a lot of stuff was just out of my control). Last week, I had to get another tooth pulled. That’s the second one this year, and for essentially the same reason and I sobbed over that tooth like somebody murdered my best friend. I’m restless and unhappy and on days like that I genuinely hate myself, hate everything I’ve done, hate every decision I’ve made, and wonder what the fuck did I do? When the fuck did everything go so horribly, horribly wrong? Why can’t I be better?
No, she’s just human. One moment we’re playing around with water balloons, having a good ole time, and the next moment I lob a major bomb at her simply because it “seemed” like the right time. In what universe should one expect a perfect response in that kind of situation? Why should I expect her to say all the right things and be full of understanding and compassion, especially when I don’t do those things for her when she has problems? What would you do if the person you know better than anyone else in the world suddenly told you that there is a secret layer to them that it’s all freaky, dark, and inaccessible to everyone (including you)? Few people would be able to handle that without feeling anger, betrayal, defensive, confused, and then terribly, horribly scared.
One day we’ll be able to talk about it rationally, without all the yelling and the wailing. And we’ll both grow up in the process.