In another thread, someone quoted Plato: “Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I think that’s true and I’d like to know what battle you’re fighting that most other people don’t see.
As for mine, I was born to two very difficult parents. My birth mother was a postpartum psychotic who put me through two years of terrible neglect before my father finally got custody. However, he himself has Asperger’s and Narcissistic Personality Disorder and was never really able to connect with me on the level that most fathers connect with their sons.
Safe to say, this has led me to be woefully ill-equipped socially, both in childhood and adulthood. Since I have pretty much nil ability to read people and perceive what they’re thinking or feeling I’ve managed to survive using a very well-practiced system of mental defenses and strategies. I’ve been able to keep a circle of friends and several relationships with the opposite sex. Except…
Except as I’ve gotten into my 30’s, this strategy of mine has become less and less effective. Professionally, I’ve been underpromoted, underpaid, and underutilized throughout my working years despite displaying a lot of competency. Why? People simply don’t connect with me, or worse, don’t like me because I’m socially inept. Currently, as I’m moving into more of a management role, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to handle the political side of my responsibilities. The more I try to plan, strategize, and anticipate other people’s responses, the worse things get. It sucks. So much of employment rests on how much people like you.
That’s mine. What’s your personal everyday battle?
Depression. It’s the great struggle of my life. It always has been. Even on good days, it’s there. It actively robs me of my desire to succeed, and I have had to find ways to succeed in the absence of immediate motivation. I have learned to cope, but it’s always a struggle. The great accomplishment of my day today, an ordinary day off work, was taking a shower.
Mine is shyness. I have a hard time making friends and looking back throughout my life I realize that the majority of my friends have come from other connections within my family. I know that’s probably pretty normal but after living in the same general area for 42 years I had finally (at the age of 49) accumulated a nice circle of friends.
Then 2 years ago I moved and I’m back to having no friends. I have co-workers and friends who are my husband’s friends but I’m just not good at meeting people or even when I meet people, reaching out to them in a way that would spark a friendship.
The weird thing is that I’m not socially inept. I’m pretty comfortable in social situations and really good once I know someone, but I’m shy about reaching out to a new potential friend. I’ve always felt like there’s some secret that I just don’t get.
Shyness in meeting new people. This is separate from my introversion, which itself doesn’t bother me. To this day, I’ve never asked anyone out.
Depression. I can’t remember not being depressed, even as a child, and even during happy events, there’s a streak of melancholy running through.
A fierce streak of independence that makes me unable to ask for help, take gifts, etc.
A tendency to withdraw and hide when hurt. I’m a cat person in the sense that I like cats, and a cat person in the sense that I act like a cat when hurt… except I don’t go hiding in the sock drawer.
An inability to relax. I thrive on stress, and shut down when I don’t have pressure or deadlines or anything hanging over my head.
I am very easily distracted, and I constantly struggle to accomplish anything, to finish anything.
I also am very shy, and some people have found me rude when in fact I’m just too quiet and nervous to approach people.
More specific battles right now are that my wife had a stroke this year, and gets discouraged and wants to quit rehab; that my daughter has crippling anxiety that keeps her from making friends, and that my wife and my daughter are pushing each others’ buttons all the time.
I had a sort of revelation about that recently, concerning two of my nieces. They are both beautiful, smart, friendly, and funny. But while one makes friends easily, the other is having the hardest time making and keeping friends. And there’s something a little off-putting about her. She almost comes off as stuck up, or as you say, rude.
It took my sister to point out what it was, though she didn’t know how profound her observation was. She pointed out that my niece and I have the same posture, which is really closed off. Once I got that, and changed my posture, the world suddenly became a much friendlier place.
If you’re really serious about it, install a water holding tank and secondary pressure tank. That way you can pull off your allotted amount daily and use it according to your needs.
E.g. If your allotment is 50gal/day (1500/mo)
Put the smallest pressure tank possible at your water-in line drop (because it will only run once or twice a day and water pressure isn’t important - here’s a 19gal tank for $159 http://www.tractorsupply.com/countyline-reg-pre-charged-pressure-tank-19-gal-capacity-3123310 )
Run out line from pressure tank into the water holding tank ( here’s a 550gal for $429 http://www.tractorsupply.com/storage-tank-550-gal-42-in-h-x-67-in-dia--2137332 ) Connect it with a water timer that pulls X gallons per day and has either a cut off switch if the holding tank is full or runs the over flow out to your drain. – This tank only has to hold a couple days worth of water to allow you to queue it for later use. If you run the overflow into the drain, you’ll be drawing your allotment no mater if you actually use the water or not.
Run the out line from the water holding tank to your existing pressure tank (because it is sized for your daily usage habits)
Run the out line from that pressure tank to your existing house hold use.
Whala… no more meter watching after you’ve tweaked it in the first month to make sure that you’re not going over.
The lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse, including obesity, anxiety, and depression. Not that I can know with any amount of certainty that I wouldn’t have been obese or anxious or depressed if the abuse hadn’t happened, of course. But it’s a well-known catalyst for those kinds of issues. And I feel fairly certain that I’m MORE obese/anxious/depressed than I would be, if it hadn’t happened.
Shyness. Anxiety. Grief. Boredom. The defense mechanism of retreating into a fantasy world instead of dealing with reality. (That’s a really hard mental habit to shake.)
Low self esteem and I’m polishing a nice inferiority complex as well.
The other day my boss came up to me and thanked me for doing such a swell job, like I always do, with my usual excellence…in making a sign to hang on the refrigerator, reminding employees to take their food home. I damn near started to cry when I realized I was getting a pat on the head for the equivalent of coloring inside the lines. I always feel like the stupid one around here.
I told my husband I wanted to get certified at something. Anything, as long as it involved having a license or a piece of paper that shows I can accomplish something. Long story short, he wasn’t very supportive and I’ve dropped it for now. My kids are about to go to college…if there are any resources in this family that’s where they need to be concentrated at the moment.
In the past 10 years I have had many operations and after one really bad one, I just never really recovered my energy. My surgeon kept saying that in another year, he didn’t think I’d even notice it, but it got worse and worse.
We’ve done ever test we can think of. Although we did find deficiencies, correcting them did not (entirely) solve the problem.
I’ve tried every energy supplement that is marketed. (OK, probably not every, but you get the idea.)
Maybe this is just what 50 feels like…
My doc has prescribed Adderall, which helps some days, but not always. I would pay a lot of money to feel good again.
Pain. It seems like some part of my body hurts everyday. I mostly push it to the back of my mind and ignore it, but that’s been getting harder to do the past few years.
