I remain friends. People can control what they do; not what urges they have. Most people, for example, occasionally fantasize about killing people; and books, movies and games are filled with the fictional depictions of murders, rapes, you name it. Is everyone who enjoys such things a mass murdering rapist? Am I a mass murderer because I thought it was amusing to fly the helicopter in GTA:Vice City so as to chop up crowds with the rotors? No, because it isn’t real. As long as no actual children are involved, I see nothing unethical in his reading and enjoying any kind of porn. It’s just images on a screen or ink on a page, unless actual people are involved.
As for him personally; I feel sorry for him; being a principled pedophile must be very unpleasant even without the reaction of other people, since it means you can’t ever enjoy what you want.
I’d have no problem remaining friends with him. People have all sorts of strange fantasies, and as long as you can recognize the difference between fantasy and reality, I see nothing wrong with beating off to whatever.
Wasn’t there a thread a while back about a guy in Iowa whose mail from Japan was opened, extreme hentai manga found, and he was arrested, charged, and eventually pled guilty to obscenity charges?
As long as Al has never done anything to a real child and proactively keeps himself away from children, I would remain his friend. I would feel very sorry for him and it would probably squick me out–I’m not sure that the friendship would continue in the same form that it did before the material was discovered. But as long as he had not and would not hurt, bother, or otherwise cause mental or physical harm to actual kids, then yes, I’d stay his friend.
State vs. Dalton. Dalton initially pled guilty (and yes, he was already on parole for dissemination of real child porn), but his conviction was later vacated on appeal.
The individual in that case used a state computer, and was convicted of using a state computer to receive obscene images. He also had some real kiddy porn. Even so, his case is still pending appeal to the US Supreme Court.
I’d be pissed that he disregarded the sound I advice I would have obviously given him, ie, shut the fuck up. The computer was out of his control for at least a week, and he can’t be compelled to testify against himself. The State has to prove that he possessed child pornography. That’s not going to be easy when the alleged child pornography was not in his possession when it was discovered. My feelings will be moot, as Al, for reasons entirely unclear to me, disregarded the advice of counsel and/or went batshit insane and apparently confessed under oath in front of a jury. The jury will obviously convict, and Al will be a guest of the state for the foreseeable future.
That may be true, but, how to artiuclate this? …Pedophiles are FIXTATED on a strange VERY unhealthy fanasty in a way that the gross majority of people aren’t.
I would end the friendship. A lot of pedophiles who would do something like this are very manipulative, and self justifying. Heck, how do we know that Al isn’t lying about that he hasn’t done anything? I’ve had some experiance with someone who actually downloaded child porn, and I BELIEVED them. The person was charming and acted all innocent. " Oh no! I’m actually the victim of a GIANT conspiracy!" I’m pretty hard to fool, but I fell for the “charm” and the " Oh I’m innocent!" of a kiddy porn consumer. I would suggest that the person get help or some sort of therapy. But I would not remain friends with them.
I’d stay his friend, if only to keep him part of society. Having all his friends abandon him might send him off the reservation, so to speak. I can’t let that happen for his sake and more importantly, for the sake of his potential victims.
I wouldn’t let him babysit my kid, though. I’m sure he’d understand.
Are they all so fixated? Are there no casual pedophiles who can deal with their fantasy? Is it always unhealthy if it never leaves the fantasy realm?
For example, many of the people interested in rape fantasy are female. 99.99% of the time these women would feel disgust and horror at the idea of them or anyone else actually being raped. With nearly no exceptions, there would be no possibility in any way that they would ever bring their fantasy anywhere near the real world. Is this unhealthy?
I guess it being “tons and tons” would indicate an unhealthy obsession. But if it were in the realm of the amount of porn the average person keeps around?
This. I’m one of those ordinary women who is interested in non-consent stuff (in my case, comics and stories). And it is fantasy, pure fantasy. None of it ever spilled over into my real life, and I would be horrified if any such stuff wold happen for real. If I were a guy, and my girlfriend would discover such a comic in my nightstand, would she be freaked out? Perhaps. Would she have been in danger from me, anytime? Hell no.
I voted the latter. I would remain in a friendship with my long-time friend with conditions that he follow through with the consequences of his offense. Hopefully it would be toward steering him towards health and peace of mind. But not because of my feeling sorry for him. I don’t find that to be a constructive reason to maintain a friendship because of the inequality it implies.
If he had given me no previous reasons for concern on my part, I can’t imagine that my feelings toward him would change other than sympathy for his secret being found out and the humiliation it would cause him. I have little concern what others think about whom I choose as friends so that wouldn’t be daunting to me or cause fear of social standing for me.
My reasoning is that I’m not firmly convinced that all people who have pedophillic thoughts are automatically monsters who act upon their transgressionary thoughts. We have the incest taboo for good reason.
Humans are designed to be driven by sex and are wired/conditioned in different ways to be stimulated by any number of stimuli. I suspect that for every pedophile who is compulsive enough to act upon his forbidden desires (the ones we read about) there may be a larger group who carry the secret obsession and live lives of unhappiness, but carefully never act upon it.
Not acting upon what one knows is wrong is admirable in my book and sometimes it is a lonely path. People who do so are courageous people who deserve support from those who are capable of accepting them as human.
Before anyone picks up the axe, my disclaimer is that if the man had acted upone his desires I would support any attempts he made toward progress with encouraging words and possibly listening but would limit time spent with him to only that and briefly. Perhaps this would be a permanent change in our relationship. A lot would depend on his attitude about making change. Anything but contrition, motivation and evidence of progress would be reason for termination of the relationship.
I bear in mind that the majority of pedophiles have been influenced by damaging personal experience as children. Sexual abuse - the gift that keeps on giving.
Evidently not — he has fantasies, which is a very different thing. There are a few things I consider arousing that I would have no interest in trying in real life, and the impression I get is that most people are similar.
If you just wouldn’t feel sorry for him because the thought of what’s in his head gives you the creeps, ok, but I don’t think you should frame it as being because of something that he did wrong. Like everyone else, he didn’t choose his sexual predilections. And, objectively, it seems we should feel sorry for him: he has these THOUGHTS, which he didn’t choose, and if anyone finds out then he’s history’s greatest monster, despite the fact that he hasn’t actually done anything wrong.
I’d probably say to myself, well, he didn’t do any physical harm, he’s been a good friend, I SHOULD stay friends with him. But I wouldn’t try very hard, I’d be too turned off, no matter how many jolly times this splendid fellow and I have shared. The friendship would peter off and die, too bad.
It wouldn’t be my job to “help him never be alone with kids”, mine or anyone else’s. Because I can’t imagine walking next to him in the park, past a playground, past a school, and saying “eyes front, Leroy, don’t even think of it!” Gad, how sick would that be??? Rather not, thanks, better to go our separate ways. And yes, if he ever buddied up to someone that did have kids, I would tell them. Better safe than sorry, who knows when looking just ain’t doing it any more?
Wah, the poor pedophiles. Won’t somebody think of the pedophiles?
I don’t trust the little slimeballs. It’s that simple. Of course there are no “healthy opedophiles.” What an inane question. Somebody who wants to rape children is, by definition, not healthy.
He didn’t possess any child pornography as it is defined under US law. Even the cases listed above where prosecutors ahve attempted to charge people, they’ve been charged under obscenity laws (receiving obsecene images through the mail or on state computers), not with child pornography.