The “thought she was a woman” one.
Ah. When I was a kid, I though he was singing ‘thought he was a woman’. (But then, when I was little I thought they were singing ‘Help me get my beans back on the ground’ in Help.)
First verse of “Get Back” starts with “Jo Jo was a man who thought he was a loner, but he knew it wouldn’t last.”
Second verse starts with “Sweet Loretta Martin* thought she was a woman, but she was another man.”
The “Sweet Loretta Fart, she thought she was a cleaner, but she was a frying pan” is John goofing around before the song starts. It can be heard on the version on the “Let It Be” album.
* The lyrics printed on the “1967-1970” compilation album say “Sweet Loretta Modern”, not “Martin”.
Lady, when you’re with me I’m smiling
Give me all your love
Your hands build me up when I’m sinking
Touch me and my troubles obey
Lady from that morning
Starshine in your eyes
Yesterday I was listening to Rush’s “Fly By Night” album in the car. There’s a song called “Best I Can” that starts with the line
I got a living that’s rough
But I always hear it as
I gotta live in a trough
Elton John must be the leading purveyor of lyrics people can’t understand.
Actual: She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit…
I heard: She’s got electric boobs, and more hair too…
I don’t actually hear it wrong, but I insist on singing it wrong
Actual: Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Mine: Strangers in the night exchanging hamsters
Actual: Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long.
Mine: Your Hershey highway, I want to ride it all night long.
Add me to the chorus of people who
listened to “Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap”,
and heard “Dirty deeds, Thunderchief”.
I thought it was cool that someone wrote a song about the F-105.
“Glue” has always been the perfect, uniquitous substitute for “you” when enhancing lyrics.
I had a model of an F-105 when I was a kid. I thought it was a cool-looking aircraft.
These two examples are songs that I heard before I knew what their title was. And hearing them, btw, on muffled, tinny speakers in noisy grocery / department stores, where the lyrics are barely comprehensible and the music can completely curdle into a quiet cacophony.
Hence, I thought Van Halen’s “Panama” was “Let it Rock”, (crazy - I know) which couldn’t be a more perfect testament to the impossibility, sometimes, of being able to actually make out anything coming out of those usless, tinny speakers. Yeah - nothing to do with hearing, and everything to do with music simply being drowned out too much by everything else.
The other - “Boys of Summer”
after the poison, summer has gone…
My daughter’s interpretation of that line is:
“Stronger than poison, stronger than gum”
I was going to start a ‘YOUR made-up lyrics’ thread, but procrastinated. Now I don’t have to!
Singing the Dolphin Through - Manfred Mann
Actual lyrics: Joseph, the mud gives way to coral…
Misheard lyrics: Joseph the Mutt gives way to Carol…
This misheard lyric spoof of a Credence Clearwater Revival song just about checked every box of my own misheard takes of the same song.
CCR Have you ever seen the rain
Apologies if this was ever posted years ago upthread. 
After too much youtube sleuthing I finally found the culprits reponsible for this mondegreen:
Band: Take That
Song: Back For Good
their lyric: “Wancha back, wancha back…”
always used to mishear as: “Watch’yer back, watch’yer back…”
In the ABBA song Waterloo i thought they were singing Xanadu.
Mr. Mellencamp:
It’s a lonely ol’ night
Can I put my arms around you
I heard as:
It’s a lonely ride
When I put my arms around you
…and would get me thinking - hm, wonder what his partner thinks about that one.
Watching an Avengers movie. Chris Pratt is dancing in a swamp, to his music. I recognised the song, but couldn’t think of the name. (Come and Get Your Love - Redbone) There’s a reason for that.
I always though they were singing In the nick of love.