Lyrics you insist on singing wrong

Over in the thread about misheard lyrics, @lobotomyboy63 mentioned:

I thought that could be a good topic on its own, hence this thread.

Some of mine:

“Winter Wonderland”
In the winter we can build a snowman
And pretend that he is Parson Brown
And pretend that he is Alton Brown

Talking Heads, “Once in a Lifetime” (In this case, I just couldn’t remember the real lyrics, so I made something up)
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Letting the days go by, and the watermelons grow
Letting the days go by, as the watermelons roll

Hold me closer, Tony Danza
Count the head lice on my hiney

compare to: Tiny Dancer by Elton John

For a couple of months, I’ve wanted to start a YOUR made-up lyrics thread. Thought about it this morning, in fact. Now I don’t have to.

There are songs that I don’t know the words to, but keep coming to mind. Like On The Road Again.

On the road again
Ain’t had no chicken since I don’t know when
Found me a farmhouse and I stole myself a hen
Hey it’s good to be on the road again

And then there’s Folsom Prison Blues. For some reason, it also has a chicken theme. Must be a Country thing.

I see that train a-comin’
A-comin’ round the bend
I ain’t had no chicken
Since I don’t know when
Now I’m stuck in Kansas City
With a case of the Blues…

I like to replace “touch” with “punch.”

The Doors: Come on, come on, come on, come on, now punch me, babe. Can’t you see, that I like lemonade? What was that hummus that you made.

The Beatles: And when I punch you I feel happy, inside.

An hour ago, I was helping at a “high church” Epiphany service. Y’know, commemorating the three wise men (astrologers) visiting the baby Jesus.

So I’m up in front, dressed in three layers of upholstery, and everyone starts singing “We Three Kings Of Orient Are”… so I had to turn my microphone off and sing the real version:

We three kings of orient are
smoking on a rubber cigar.
It was loaded,
it exploded,
now we’re on yonder star.

I thought that we’d be lovers
And play beneath the covers
And then she cut a fart
I was engaged in cunnilingus
How could she do a thing like this?
How could she cut a fart?

My tongue was down there turning
When my eyes started burning
And I could scarcely breathe
The odour from her anus
Was something rather heinous
I thought that I would heave!

© Me. :stuck_out_tongue:

J’veux ton amour, et je veux ta revanche
J’veux ton amour, I don’t wanna speak French!

Romeo, save me, Good Charlotte tells me how to feel

And the fate of man is in the hands
Of he who stands and eats the corn

By the same token, many songs can be enhanced by replacing “love” with “lunch”.

You can’t hurry lunch.
Lunch me do.
Lunch will find a way.
Lunch changes everything.

And, of course . . .

Lunch is just a four-letter word.

Lunch is like oxygen… (See also: Love is like a popsicle…)

How many times must I say I love you
Before you finally understand?
Won’t you be my four rubber woman?
I will try to be your four rubber man
Try to be your four rubber man
Four rubber man, four rubber man, four rubber man

(Or Fall River man. I’m not picky.)

Taylor Swift’s Blank Space:

Real lyrics: Got a long list of ex-lovers
My lyrics: Get along like Starbucks lovers

And I always sing the National Anthem like Frank Drebin, I mean Enrico Pollatzo.

You’re Only Lonely

J. D. Souther

When the world is ready to fall on your little shoulders
And when you’re feeling lonely and small
You need somebody there to hold you
You can call out my name… when you’re boning Tony
Now, don’t you ever be ashamed, you’re boning Tony

Two Tickets To Paradise

Eddie Money

I’m gonna take you on a trip so far from here
I’ve got two ticks in my pocket, now baby, we’re gonna disappear
We’ve waited so long, waited so long
We’ve waited so long, waited so long

I’ve got two ticks and a pair of lice
Don’t you know that they’re just parasites
I’ve got two ticks and a pair of lice
I’ve got two ticks and a pair of lice

There’s a sweet folk music song called Thanksgiving Eve by Bob Franke. The first line of the chorus goes "What can you do with your days but work and hope… " In concert, Bob said that he likes to sing “What can you do with your dates but lurk and grope…” and so that’s how I always sing it now.

I know perfectly well that the REAL lyrics to Pousette Dart Band’s “Fall on Me” are:

Fall on me
If you’re gonna fall, fall on me
And if you’re going down,
Hold on to me.

But surely I am only one of millions who sing the inevitable variant:

Fall on me
If you’re gonna fall, fall on me
And if you’re going down,
Go down on me.

(Seriously, I’m pretty sure Pousette Dart Band members sing it my way when they’re not being recorded.)

One of the kid’s favourite songs is Cover Me In Sunshine by Pink. They think it’s hilarious when I change the lyrics to various topical versions such as:

Cover me in cat fur…

Cover me in dog slobber…

Cover me in sunburn…


I have two that I sing (in context) around my three-year old:

Thompson Twins “Lies” [when a fly is flying around the room]

  • original: Lies lies lies yeah (they’re gonna get you)
  • mine: Flies flies flies yeah (they’re gonna get you)

Men At Work “You Can Dance If You Want To” [when jumping on the trampoline together]

  • original: We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind / Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance / Well they’re are no friends of mine
  • mine: We can bounce if we want to, we can jump both up and down / we can fly so high and reach the sky / and turn and spin around

#2 is actually “Safety Dance” by Men Without Hats.

Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya tomorrow
You’re always a day away

I sing “You’re only a day away”, otherwise it feels so futile because it’s unreachable.

  1. Oldie:

I’m in the mood for love/Simply because you’re near me


I’m in the nude for love/Stripping because you’re near me

  1. Misheard by someone else, but adopted by me:

Might as well face it you’re addicted to love

is now

Might as well face it you’re a dick with a glove

  1. For Billy Joel instead of

Honesty…is such a lonely word


Sodomy…is such a lonely word

A friend I went to high school with used to sing this all the time (to Think I’m in Love by Eddie Money):

I think I’m on drugs
And my life’s a blur

Thanks for the correction! I subconsciously knew that, but found the lyrics at this page Men At Work - You Can Dance If You Want To lyrics | LyricsFreak and just copied and pasted. Maybe the linked version is a cover? Either that or the attribution there is simply wrong.