I believe you brits call them bogies. Am I correct?
I was at an outdoor David Byrne concert, about an hour before the show, when I spotted the man himself behind a cheap-looking, waist-high gate. Autograph opportunity, I figured, and so I strolled over and said hello.
ME: [casual, cool. Calm. Collected.] Mr. Byrne? I was…wondering if I could have an autograph.
DAVID BYRNE: [shakes my hand] Yeah, no problem! [signs my ticket] Enjoy the show!
ME: Thanks!
[DAVID BYRNE starts to walk away. I scramble for something memorable to say.]
ME: I love your early stuff!
[I freeze. DAVID BYRNE has a confused look on his face. I bolt.]
And that is how I spent three hours in the dance pit ducking behind a tall man whenever the onstageMr. Byrne looked my way.
Yeah, it’s a bogey or bogie here.
A ‘bugger’ in Britain is, not unreasonably, someone who engages in buggery.
I didn’t get my period until I was in eigth grade. When it came, I didn’t know, and I bled all over the place–straight through the seat of my jeans. I walked around for at least an hour like that. When I realized what had happened, I freaked out and had to go home.
Thankfully, no one ever said anything.
When I was a freshman in high school I was listening to some older kids in my art class. They were being pretty funny, and I was trying not to laugh. But they said something that made me snort and blow snot out of my nose. I was sitting next to a sophmore, and here I was the dorky freshman (who got made fun of enough) blowing snot out of her nose. I don’t remember what I said. Probably something like, “How embarassing”.
It means snot. Nose mucus.
Having read MANY British authors, in particular a lot of Terry Pratchett, I should have known better.
Apologies, and in the spirit:
Cheers.
Holy crap, I forgot about the horrid period embarrasments. Ugh. This may be TMI.
Well, I was in India, and the accomodations were - less than par, shall we say. Anyway, I had an accident where I stained the back of my salwar kameez (Indian outfit) which was peach in color.
But the worst thing about it was we went out, and some strangers (female) noticed, and came over and whispered it to my cousin. My Uncle & Aunt, my two male cousins, and my female cousin were all witness to my embarrasment, along with thousands of strangers. She had a sweater that I wrapped around my waist, but it was awful. And I was a teen, so it was very heavy flow.
I’m trying to come up with the absolute most embarrassing thing I can think of. I’ve had a few, but since I don’t embarrass easily anymore, it’s hard to pick the topper.
In fourth grade, I was … more developed … than most girls in my class. In fact, I was more developed than most girls in the eighth grade. One day, my class was in the library, and I wanted to get to a certain corner of the room. One of the boys was blocking my way, and I did my best to squeeze around him, knowing he wouldn’t have moved even if I asked, simply because he was a ten-year-old boy. My shirt got caught on the edge of a bookcase, and since this was the mid-eighties, my shirt had snaps down the front, rather than buttons.
So, there I was, a ten-year-old C-cup, with my shirt gaping open in front of just about everyone, and my gasp bra visible to all and sundry. I turned to the corner of the room and refastened my shirt as quickly as I could. To the immeasurable credit of the entire class, no one ever mentioned it again.
In high school, my mother used to embarrass me regularly by telling people the story of how I once spent an afternoon in a barbershop, waiting for my brother to get his hair cut, three years old and singing “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee” to myself in the mirror, complete with dance moves and hand gestures (and, of course, no idea what the lyrics really meant). That used to mortify me, now I think it’s hilarious.
All right, I thought of one. It was so bad that it’s been stuck in a little corner of my mind with that other stuff I’d rather forget.
In 1979, I was working at a radio station, 7-midnight shift. People like to call disc jockeys on the request line. Some of them are nice, some of them are mildly annoying, some of them are idiots, and some of them are women calling to talk dirty to you and offer you all kinds of sexual favors.
The latter happened to me.
This one girl started calling me and getting me so hot and bothered that it was near impossible to concentrate on what I was doing. So we agreed to meet at a restaurant. The big night came, I got all dressed up nice and walked down the street to the restaurant. I looked around. A couple of guys, a guy and a girl, and at the back, one girl by herself. It was her. I stopped dead in my tracks. She must have weighed 400 pounds. And she was a teenager. To say that she was unattractive would be a gross misrepresentation. She was freakin’ ugly! I was mortified. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I didn’t even sit down. I can’t remember what I said, because I was in shock at having my dream date disintegrate before my eyes. I must have mumbled some kind of apologetic disclaimer and I beat a hasty retreat out of that place and went somewhere to drown my trauma.
::shudders::
I was in a small shop at the mall. The wall opposite the cash register was all mirrors. I had just made a purchase. When I turned around I thought, “hmm, this store is bigger than I thought. Think I’ll check out the other side.” That is when I walked into the mirrored wall - full frontal. The two clerks almost doubled over in laughter.
It’s booger, not bugger. Now the question is, was it an honest spelling mistake or something … subconscious? Have something to share with us?
It was an honest spelliong mistake.
Share something with you? Possibly.
With the entire 30,000 people on the SDMB? Absolutely not.
Hmm. So many little ones to choose from…
Ah.
Back in the olden days, there was a local children’s cartoon-host program called ‘Mr. Cartoon’ native to the Southern WV area. (Sourced, I believe, in Huntington or Charleston.)
I appeared on this show at least once, and possibly twice - it’s been a while since I’ve heard about this subject from my parents.
Well, I was about… 4? 5? and sitting on the edge of the kiddie-bench in the audience, and Mr. Cartoon (who doubled as the weather-guy) came over to ask some of us some questions.
He asked me something about how my day had been, or what I’d been doing, or the like. And in true “Kids Say The Darndest Things” fashion, I announced “I got a shot in my butt!”… allegedly.
You see, I’d been to the doctor for a booster…
Are you sure? You haven’t been feeling… british?
That would be the time I drunkenly vomitted all over the back seat of a friend’s car. We’d been out bar crawling and I’d long since had too much. He insisted that we had to stop at one more place. I insisted that I wanted to go home. We stopped and he and the DD went inside. I passed out for a while and then awoke ready to spew. Electric windows. No keys. Couldn’t find the door handle. I cast the 9th level spell “Cone of Puke” and evenly covered his back seat with a mixture of 12 Horse Ale, buffalo chicken wings, and tequila. How unfortunate that his back seat had already been covered with an afghan his grandma knitted for him. They came back to find the car reeking and me passed out again (with additional spew down the front of my shirt). Every time he ever saw me after that, the whole incident had to be rehashed.
If I had been feeling a Brit, I might tell you about it. (Would never be my luck!)
The rest…well that’s a little too private. 
I can’t believe how timid people are acting! Come on, that TMI thread is HUGE!
I myself have gotten humiliated so much that I’m really beyond feeling embarassed about it now. Sure someone may titter reading some embarasssing story at my own expense, but I really don’t care. So here goes:
-When I was 12 my mom walked in on my jerking off to scrambled porn.
-At my tutoring job, I had spent at least 30 minutes with my zipper wide open, walking among kids sitting in chairs (at crotch-height of course :eek: ) while my director tried in vain to get my attention about it before finally he had to roughly grab me by the arm and hustle me out of earshot of the kids to remind me. I was mortified. He, though, was rather cool about the whole thing. We were sharing embarassing moments during a meeting (sort of a bonding moment 
) and when I told that story, he explained that he was just looking out for me, not mad or anything.
-One rainy morning I awoke with horrible stomach cramps. I spent about 20 minutes in the bathroom practically turning myself inside out. I had a stomach flu, but I had a SUPER IMPORTANT school assignment, so I couldn’t be absent. I decided to cross my fingers and hope whatever my body was expelling was good and gone. Halfway through my morning crossing guard shift I realize that is not the case. I can’t just leave my post, I have to hold out for another 20 minutes. So I’m standing there, holding it, when suddenly, I sneezed :eek: which put enough pressure on my bowels to overcome my own holding abilities. I crapped myself, and what was worse is I had to keep working while walking in my own filth until my shift was up. Being a boy scout at heart, I always keep a full set of clothes in my car, so I grabbed a pair of pants/underwear, rolled them up and hid them in my jacket, and went to the school I was working next to and asked if I could use their office bathroom. Cleaned myself up and went on to get an ‘A’ in the project that morning. Ok, that wasn’t THAT humiliating, though it is pretty embarassing to shit yourself when you sneeze, and have to stand in it because it is pouring rain outside and the SECOND you leave your post, some kid is gonna dart across the street and get hit by a car, and it will be all your fault 
Hilarious.
Well… mine happened not terribly long ago. About eight years ago, I suppose…
Part of this story is going to have to involve the confession that I’m a nympho… a monogamous nympho, but a nympho nonetheless. I’ve only ever had sex with three men in my life, and my husband is the third and final, AFAIC. Anyway.
Gosh, the whole day was a pretty big embarrassment, the more I think about it… I was about 20 at the time, and I was to film a friend’s graduation ceremony. Well, at the pre-grad party, while everyone was getting ready, I met his grandmother… a rather grumpy old lady. I was wearing a cute little sundress (with knee high lace up boots… oh, to be young again! ) Well. I was… er… am… I uh…
I don’t wear underwear. (I started wearing short shorts under dresses/skirts after this incident, though).
So, part one of this story involves me helping out friend’s mother, by picking up around the kitchen, and when some stray trash escaped the bin, I bent over to pick it up… and mooned ol’ grandma. Oops. She didn’t say anything, just stood there with her mouth open, and eventually gave me a “HMPH!” And snubbed me the rest of the day. Sorry, lady, whoever you were…
That wasn’t a great moment… but my most embarrassing moment came later that day.
You see, I had my own video camera. I loved to film things. One of the things I liked to do was film porn, since at the time I didn’t have a VCR to tape it… I would find one of those scrambled channels on the big satellite dish, unscramble it, and tape it with the video camera. I didn’t need sound anyway, just picture will do.
And so, I take one of these little tapes to go film my friend’s graduation. I film the graduation. Hooray.
We take the tape back to his house, where the entire family gathers around to watch the graduation tape - so people who didn’t go to the graduation could see it, and those who went could point out favourite parts, etc. You see where this is going, right?
You see, when I wasn’t taping, the camera would go on standby for a moment, then if I didn’t tape, it would turn off, and when I began taping again, it would have to pick up from where I left off. This sometimes leaves little gaps between shots if I stopped taping then picked up. It only happened once. Only one, significant time.
I had zoomed in on the popular class clown, right up to his face. The fmaily and friends gathered around the television laughed with delight - everyone knows that guy, yessir. He’s a good feller, that guy. The fellow turns, and looks like he’s looking directly into the camera (he’s far off, so he didn’t know I was taping him). The room giggles. The scene cuts out.
And suddenly, to my horror, the entire room, full of family and friends and miscellaneous… are watching a man, jerking off… into a woman’s mouth.
For only about the longest 5 seconds of my life.
Then it cuts out, and it’s back to the graduation ceremony. There is stunned silence. I sink into my chair.
I have never lived that one down - but I can laugh now, a little.
(I didn’t mean to offend anyone with my last post, I meant to put a spoiler box up there just in case, but I was having a “gottagogottagogottago” bathroom moment, and I had already typed most of the way to the end, and I didn’t want to leave this window up in case my FIL wanted to use the computer… eep!! So, I took the risk and sacrificed you for him, I’m sorry! And so it is unedited, as well, I apologise for any offensive spelling errors, etc).
:smack: