Avatars are being introduced on the Straight Dope.
He felt asphalt on his cheek and watched helplessly through a trickle of blood and sweat as one of the birds turned toward his remaining eye.
Poster A was warned in a Pit thread, and Poster B started an ATMB thread to object to the warning.
It wasn’t until the third shot that he realized, “These aren’t blanks.”
“Oh you missed me” Bluebeard said with amused tenderness as she stared at the empty gun in her hand.
They whisper, when they come; whisper and mutter and clack their dark fingernails, claws really, which sharpen against one another with a whispering of their own.
Worse today, I feel, as the darkness retreats, and the warm sun rises, forcing the moisture from my blistered, cracked lips, bleaching my hair and eyes, watching my life hiss away in wisps of steam.
I wish the rocks had killed me when they fell, rather than crushing me, pressing me flat with the weight of ages, squeezing the breath from my lungs to little more than a pinch of air at a time, as I wait in the dark to die.
He got out of bed, wide awake yet still dark outside, when he looked at his sleeping wife and saw his body lying too still next to hers just before he was pulled into the screaming somewhere beyond.
Blinded, she felt their tiny legs burrow deeper inside.
As it gripped him wetly, Tom realized that whatever he’d just put his foot in was not his bunny slipper.
He felt resistance, then the pain of its barbs shooting into his throat after pulling out several feet of the worm, so he reached for a coat hanger.
It was too late—being so absorbed with the show, he realized he sank his teeth into a circus peanut.
As the fog of anesthesia descended, John could see the grinning, toothless surgeon looming, scalpel in one hand, a live rat in the other.
He was paralyzed in the suspension gel for the thousand year-long trip to the nearest star system, but something was wrong—why was he awake?
The ultrasound wand fell to the floor beside Helen’s table with a clank, briefly masking the sound of the screaming OB nurse fleeing into the distance.
It turned out that the “S” on the third bathtub faucet stood for “Spiders”.
That there was a “Slaughter Bill Jenkins” crowdfunding page was bad enough, thought Bill, but the fact that all his family and neighbors had already contributed to it was worse.
Oh, that’s a good one.
“WHY WOULD THE NEW VERSION OF INTERNET EXPLORER EVEN HAVE A “PUBLISH YOUR BROWSING HISTORY” FUNCTION”, Jeremy raged, “LET ALONE MAKE IT THE DEFAULT SETTING?!?”
Lifted from *The Anatomist *- Edward Ravenscroft
“He had a mind to be acquainted with your inside, Crispin.”
Good one!