Aquarius- Ultress, Ssskuggiii,
The following weeks will bring periods of work, which should last for about 5 days, followed by 2 days off. Be sure to avoid wearing blue suade shoes, in case you get an attack of Elvis Impersonator Syndrome. Your lucky number is -2 and, for extra luck, wear a pair of socks over your shoes.
Leo- Ayesha
This week will involve a lot of hunting and gathering, as well as spending most of the day sunning yourself in the Serengeti and chasing Wildebeest. Becareful to avoid Camera crews and Game hunters,
But careless tourists should provide easy pickings.
Gemini- Bratman007, Democritus
This weekend will provide you with good luck, but only if you spend all your savings on Scratch-offs and State Lottery tickets. For extra luck, the Stars recommend carrying a bottle of Colt 45 in a brown paper bag and harassing strangers for spare change. Having a ratty-little dog on a string lead will also ensure all the attention you never received in High School.
If that isnt your cup of tea, a ritual offering of Natcho’s and cheese with Mountain Dew will suffice.
But remember to invoke my name while eating the Natchos.
Scorpio- Topaz, Evilbeth
Well, the stars have big plans for you!! Purchase a kiddie’s guitar, and march into your nearest record company, and ask, nay, DEMAND, a record contract. The stars will ensure that you are listened to and the Exec’s will whisk you away to a recording studio, with a police escort. You will be taken to the world renowned “Jail” studios, where you can sing away to your hearts content.
Also, remember to change your name to Al and claim to be running for President.
Cancer- Purplebear, Sunshine
Take it easy this weekend, and be sure to have all your friends over to Chez-toi for lots of support. Keep in high spirits by ordering pizza for all you neighbours under a fake name. Also, ringing in fake traffic reports to the Radio station will bring favour from the stars. Your lucky number for the weekend will be 9 and for extra luck, picket an N’Sync concert, claiming to be from the Better Music society of America.
Sagitarius, Swimming Riddles, Vestal Blue, Shirley
All you have to do this weekend is to write into the Editor of the New York Times, Claiming that Ghandi appeared to you in a dream and showed you how to create a perpetual motion machine.
The Laws of Thermodynamics don’t apply to the Stars, so why don’t they apply to you?
Good luck will come your way by ringing up an Ex and singing Neilsens “I cant Live (if living is without you) at 4 in the morning.
Capricorn- Kat.
You share your birthday with the following people,
Rickey Henderson
Annie Lennox
Ron Foos
Sissy Spacek
Barbara Mandrell
Jimmy Buffett
Gary Sandy
Rod Serling
Anwar Sadat
Cab Calloway
Humphrey Bogart
Robert Ripley
Conrad Hilton
Clara Barton
Sir Isaac Newton
And I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting someone…………. Oh, yes, Jesus.
This weekend, Eat only Mexican food while wearing a sombrero, and for extra luck,
Purchase a moped.
and for the rest of you… stop testing the stars…they have a headache and can become crabby and irritated 