Your Porn Stash

My dad started buying porn magazines for me when I was in high school. I suppose he just figured that I was old enough to deal with it. Or, perhaps, (and this wouldn’t surprise me) he might have feared that my preference for classical music and other such “sissy” stuff indicated a need for the increased stimulation of testosterone properly instigated by the perusal and appreciation of female anatomy. He stored the magazines he bought in a pocket folder in the filing cabinet. My mom and sisters all knew but preferred to ignore it all.

Once I had started to acculuate my own stash (my dad’s tastes being a bit more explicit than my own) I was pretty careful about hiding it. Not that I would have gotten in trouble, but it was something I regarded as intensely private. I’d snip out the pictures I liked best and insert them into plastic sheet protectors, then slip the pages into a three-ring binder that I kept with my school notebooks. It looked pretty much just like the others, so whether it was ever discovered (before the day I left it hidden in the bathroom, that is) is anybody’s guess. Every now and then, in a fit of Catholic schoolboy guilt, I’d throw everything out. Then start from scratch a few months later.

Videos presented a problem, since I didn’t have my own collection of “respectable” movies. And having to share a bedroom with my little brother was a further challenge. I solved this by keeping my whole stash in my “ox box” (that double-sized briefcase so popular among the speech and debate set). It was the only container I had that I could lock. Proved such a reliable place for my cache that it’s still in use in my apartment more than fifteen years later.

The mental image of this is just killing me. HA HA HA HA!

I never had a stash, other than, like, Jane M. Auel’s post-Clan of the Cave Bear books. That said, when I turned 18, my friends and I made a point to go out and buy or do all the things I could now do as a legal adult, which meant registering to vote and buying cigarettes and porn. I picked up a copy of Playgirl at the 7-Eleven and kept it in the drawer of my nightstand, under some other papers. I forgot about it when I left for college, and when I came back, it was gone. I assume Mom found it and tossed it, but I will never know, because I will never ask.

When I was a wee teenager I kept my cigarettes inside highlighter pens by pulling off the end of the pen, removing the ink cartridge, and shoving a cigarette or two inside. Worked like a charm. I also kept my weed in the battery portion of my boom box, which was eternally plugged in so I had no need of batteries (sometimes I also used the battery compartment of my clock radio.) Again, the perfect spot. No one ever thought to look there.
Porn? As a pre-teen, I would steal my parent’s playboys and giggle over them. I also found sex scenes in some of my mom’s novels and probably wore the spine out reading them so many times. In high school my boyfriend and I would go to his dad’s house when his dad was out of town and watch his pornos and have sex. He had some classics like Behind the Green Door and one I kind of liked called Insatiable. Ah, the good old days. But actual porn I didn’t own until college, and I never really bothered to hide it until I moved in with my boyfriend. Now I keep the videos behind other videos in the shelf, and the magazines are in a paper bag in the bedroom, and the erotica is kept in my bedside drawer. I guess if and when I have kids I’ll have to come up with something better!

The boyfriend may have some porn on his computer. But maybe not. I got kind of upset one day when I found some porn on his computer that was NOT ATTRACTIVE. So he erased it all and claims to never save porn anymore, but I wouldn’t blame him for just hiding it better instead.

Nope. I searched for the secret staches of my father and four older brothers. :slight_smile:

In a directory named c:\dos\utils\ . A few stories I had printed out and kept in a magazine box in the closet along with various bits of paperasse from my other weird little (G-rated) interests. My parents weren’t really the sort to go through stuff, anyway.

It is nice to be relatively young and have grown up in the age of readily available cyberporn.

My collection of internet pictures was kept innocently enough on the family computer under C:/Program Files/Office/Drivers. (I had to create the “drivers” folder myself) For my computer illiterate family, this was Ft Knox wrapped around Area 51 swallowed by the Lindbergh baby. Unreachable.

Ha! :slight_smile:

I used to have a big all in one stereo rack system with a turntable on top. Fow whatever reason I was fideling around with it one day and found that if I take out once certain screw then in one nice easy motion the enitre turntable/arm comes off revealing a large stereo sized empty space that I can hide alot of stuff in. Funny thing is how I wound up getting busted. I opened it up one morning to grab my cigarettes out of it and found two empty plastic bags. Hmmmm not mine that’s strange. So as I’m staring at these bags when my dad walks into the room. Dammit, I threw them back into the stereo and ran away from it. Knowing he just saw the best spot I ever had to hide stuff in I took everything out of it and moved it to some secondary spot. Later that day I called my younger brother from work and asked him about them. As if turns out one of his friends needed to get rid of them and decided to ditch them in there. To make matters worse it turns out my mom was listening in on another phone. Naturally she went and looked in there, she didn’t find anything (well maybe I left the baggies in there, don’t remember). Anyways in the end somehow I got off scott free and my bother got nailed for letting his friends in my room.

As for some of my other spots, above the drop ceiling, (just not the same panel my dad used, that would be gross), pot in a pencil case hanging from the back of the headboard. Pot/movies/mags etc… under the dresser (front and sides closed, open from the back, so I just had to reach around). Temporary storage of lighters/cigarettes/pipes inside shoes in shoe racks/ pockets of ‘dress up’ clothes in closet, or nicely balanced on molding inside closet above door. Ohhh another really good one. In the basement was a bar, the bottome cabinets had a floor that was made from drop ceiling panels so I could pull them up and hide stuff under them. Another favorite was the chimney cleanout in the basement, ya know that little 1’X1’ door in the cinder block. Not only to hide stuff in, but I smoked ALOT in there and no one ever knew. Even when the enitre family was right above me watching TV I’d being in the basement smoking cigarettes, and no one smoked in the house mind you, my dad was the only one to smoke and it was strikly outside.

As for the three bad spots…
Found a movie that belonged to my my Dad behind the VCR, it was visible from the front.
My Mom found one of his movies on top of the VCR.,…Oh, I should mention she wasn’t really happy to return home after the real estate agent has been showing the house all day to find Anal Europa #34 laying out
Oh and I REALLY need to show my dad how to clear his browser history at work, and delete his files. He has a habit of getting some pretty graphic stuff from freinds at work and instead of clicking OPEN he clicks SAVE so his My Documents is about half work stuff (that other people regularly have to access during the course of the day, and half porn). That any typing www.* with the * being just about any letter will pull SOMETHING up.

The first porn movie I ever saw. Way back in the mid-80s, for some unbelievable reason, some of the neiborhood dads, mine included, thought it wise to record porn after normal movies they had recorded after rented. So we borrow Pollyanna from a neighbor. After that was Tom Hank’s “Nothing in Common.” And then boom! If you know how Insatiable starts you’d understand. I was the only one watching at that point, “Nothing In Common” being a fairly crappy movie, but my dad was sitting only a few feet away turned towards the kitchen talking to my mom. I never moved so quickly to shut the VCR off. And then the next day when I was home alone …

“You suck here, I’ll suck here.”

There was another one after “Enemy Mine.”

My parents also kept a book on how to photograph nude women on the book shelf. I still prefer tasteful nudes then raunchy stuff.

My parents never bothered my things, but I did take a few precautions:

Photos:
Mostly I just looked at pictures online and didn’t save them. There’d of course be copies in the cache for a while, but 1) my parents didn’t know that, 2) even if they did, they didn’t know where it was, and 3) they wouldn’t look anyway–they weren’t ones to snoop. Those photos which I choose to keep found their way to a nondescriptly named ZIP disk which was stored along with the other (non-pornographic) disks. For erotic stories, I just saved those with inexplicit filenames (so as to not rouse suspicion) and fake extensions (so as to not open without doing the whole “open with…” thing).

Movies:
“Art porn” was fully acceptable and coëxisted happily with the other DVDs. “Porn porn” videos came from the Internet and got the same treatment as photos. I did get a 35mm porn film once in a grab bag of miscellaneous trailers and shorts. It’s some kind of '70s Love Boat spoof. I’ve run it a few times, but only because it’s rather funny–it’s the furthest thing from titillating imaginable.

Toys:
I didn’t have many, and had no source for real ones. I kept a homemade dildo (a shaped dowel and latex from a glove–did you know sandpaper and a drill make a rather serviceable lathe?) in a ziplock bag behind my desk. It was a corner desk, with two supports in the middle against the wall that formed a cavity in which items could be hidden. It stayed there until I just moved it to the cupboard in my room.

Drugs:
Never did any, apart from what caffeine’s in soda and tea and the occasional food cooked with wine, so there was never a need to hide it.

I didn’t get creative with hiding it. I had a few Playboys and Penthouses stashed under the mattress and some interspersed with the collection of Omni magazines I had on some shelves in the closet. Later, when I bought my first computer that was actually mine, not the family’s, I had some porn painstakingly downloaded from BBSs at 2400 baud on a hand-me-down modem I got from a buddy. I rejoiced when I was later able to afford a 14.4 modem. Again, I didn’t take any special precautions other than burying it in an obscure file.

Since moving out of the house, lo these many years, I’ve not had to hide my porn. I just got engaged and she’ll be coming to live with me soon, so I’ll probably have to start taking some measures. We have separate accounts set up on our computers anyway, but I’m probably going to create some encrypted disk images with Disk Utility to store my porn, just in case. She’s not boring in bed, and she’s not a prude, but I know for sure that she doesn’t have the same tastes as me --movies and pictures do nothing for her-- and looking at my collection would probably change how she thought about me.

Especially if she found the bizarre stuff with zero personal wank factor that I keep around to amaze and disgust friends with, and mistook it for stuff that I’m actually into. (For example, two words: eel porn. Can everyone say :eek: “Eeeeewwwww”? Very good, boys and girls). She loves me, but not that much. And I really don’t think I’d want her to love me enough that she would do a Monica.

You sure that eel porn is just something you keep around for shock value, sleel? I suppose next you’re gonna tell us that the “sl” doesn’t stand for “sexy, little.”

:smiley:

Zing. Nice one!

And what makes you happy, Happy?

Same here. I labelled a Barely 18 tape I had “Tom Green”.

I had located my dad’s stash at a young age, he had a stack of mags in his closet. Then I think he knew I had been rooting around in there and his stash moved to his dresser next to the bed. He is an avid fan of Playboy (for the articles!) and so I have grown to be quite a fan too.

My porn is not deeply hidden. No one uses my desktop and if I have guests over who might I’ll hide it further and remove my tracks on the browser, but otherwise it’s only in a sub directory off my root.

Humorously me and my roommates have discussed the porn server idea because we all know / admit to having our own stashes but I think that’s a border none of us are willing to cross.

Eventually, of course, you’ll only be able to get off reading consumer fraud reports.