I can think of, oh, 50,000 disasters more likely to befall me than going to prison. I’ll make a Prison Plan right after I get around to my alien invasion plan.
Don’t forget the Zombies too, they are as big a threat as the alien invasions.
Is curling up like a pillbug a viable strategy?
Well does it work for the pillbug? Not if you are going to squash it, just makes an easier target, running might be a better choice.
Considering the only “crime” I routinely commit would likely involve minimum security, I’d do the opposite of what Piper Chapman does.
I’d keep my eyes open, my mouth shut, try as hard as I could to stay invisible, and have my nose in a book as often as I possibly could.
I’m a tiny, elderly woman. I’d volunteer to lead weight watchers meetings, Jazzercise classes, and lead daily rosaries.
razncain, on initial reading of the first of your two posts, above: I thought that the anecdote given, was supposed to be a historical one about real Mongols – concerning Genghis Khan or Tamerlane or someone of that stripe. Was having a bit of difficulty fitting things in, within the post and in the thread as a whole. At last, the realisation struck, that – duh ! – the Mongols to which you refer, are a present-day US criminal gang.
This sounds like any other government job.
Prison implies felony. Felony, even felony drunk driving, gets your license suspended in California, and recidivist drunk driving is about the only thing that allows it to be suspended, not revoked all the way to disbarment. The “bar” committee is somewhat sympathetic to repeat drunkenness.
Nonetheless, I’d make myself valuable as proof-reader/legal assistant to those doing appeals and such. I wouldn’t act as a jailhouse lawyer, because in California, they actually do prosecute non-licensed lawyers for giving legal advice. But not legal assistants.
I would fully emulate Dick Van Dyke chimney sweep, no one in the prison yard would mess with that. Even the toughest con wouldn’t get any cred beating up a wobbly-kneed guy piping out “cheerio guvnor!”. Once you get the rhythm it becomes second nature, I could keep it up for a 5-7 year stint easy.
"Never was there a more happier crew, than them what sings Chim Chim Chiree Chim Chiroo! Chim Chim Chiminy Chim Chim Chiree Chim Chiroo… "
My prison plan is to never go to prison.
My alternate prison plan is to act crazy (not violent, just extremely weird) so people just want to stay away.
Just as in life on the outside, some guys don’t know any better than to put their dick in the crazy.