As long as it’s not woozles, I can deal with heffalumps.
I’d prefer Kentucey Fried Chicken skin rather than parchment for my last meal, but beggars can’t be choosers.
It’s the jabberwocky that get me every time. <cringe>
I get out my pellet-gun and shoot the squirrels off my roof. I have a deal with squirrels; stay the hell off my house and I won’t shoot you!
The only lines I have ever read that still give me the creeps are:
“He thrusts his fists against the posts, but still he swears he sees the ghosts.” (from a Stephen King novel whose name I don’t remember.)
and
“The dogs are on the basement stairs and coming up.” (from the poem ‘Eating Poetry’ by Mark Strand.
That line is from Donovan’s Brain, a novel by Curt Siodmak. King uses it in his novel It.
I report the author of the parchment for plagiarizing Robert E. Howard.
Klaatu… Barada… N… [coughs]
I sit back and watch the supernatural trainwreck.
LOOK ROOM
There is a door to the east, and a window to the west
LOOK WINDOW
It is bright and sunny outside.
OPEN DOOR
The door is now open
WEST
You can’t go that way
EAST
You are standing in the front hallway. You hear noises from the attic
LOOK
There is a door to your east, a door to your west, a stairway going up to your north, and a door to the South.
UP
You are on the second floor. The noises from the attic are louder.
The same thing I do after reading anything. I flush the toilet.
Return the Key immediately.
You win the Literary Prize.
Only Doper to correctly identify the piece.
Which was my objective.
I wanted to see how long it would take our creepy crew here on the SDMB to ID it, during this Halloween season.
Yeah, only someone with unfettered access to Google would have found it. Real limiting, that.
“Still insists”. Internal rhyme with “fists”. The character who said it was using it to overcome a speech impediment.
Look, we at the Papyrus Checkout Desk are tired of having to inspect every scroll that gets returned. Sure enough, over half of them have been rolled onto the “take up handle”. It takes time to roll twenty of those back, especially if we’re busy chiseling new card catalog hieroglyphs. That’s why we have those big orange stickers on the scrolls:
“Be Kind, Rewind!”
ETA: Just reread the thread and saw Ruby beat me to the punchline. Oh, well…
I get out my sawzall,
And bust up a chiffarobe
I reinforce the doors
And board up all the windows
I call to warn neighbors
The chihuahua’s house I don’t
As soon as he lets it out
That yappity rat is dead!
We’re having fun doing the other thing.
Well, I did note it in the post immediately before yours. And to be exact, the quoted bit is originally from Justin Geoffrey.
And I also remember a Penthouse letter that was very similar.
Quickly roll the dice so this game of Jumanji will be over
Justin Geoffrey doesn’t actually exist, he’s just a creation of Howard’s.
And for the record, I didn’t google it, I remembered it from a collection of Howard stories.