I first read this as “poop science,” which both of my pets could benefit from.
I used to be like that, too, until my (fantastic, amazing, god I love him so much) vet had a little chat with me that was one of those “:smack:! I coulda hadda V8! moments” when he was finished:
Dogs are omnivorous, just like we are, with a preference for meat, just like we have. (Cats are strict carnivores) Like all omnivorous creatures, they have extremely hardy digestive tracts, something I think we doggie people are very aware of.
If the meals we are feeding ourselves are healthy, natural foods, vs. twinkies and chips, it is illogical and unnecessary to think they should be eating specially formulated kibble or canned food over whatever food WE eat.
So while I still keep a bag of kibble in the house to make sure I’ve always got enough of something nutritious to feed my dog, he gets some of everything I eat, with the exception of chocolate and stuff he doesn’t care for, like a lot of veges. (He’s VERY please about the whole low-carb thing!) Usually in combination with his kibble, and usually stuffed into a ridiulous variety of “treat dispenser” toys. (Lately I’ve been mixing up wet foods like cottage cheese and peanut butter and grease with his kibble and stuffing marrow bones and wide mouth treat toys and then freezing them. Doggie popsicles keeps him very busy for quite awhile.)
I use the toys for two reasons, the first is the obvious one of using meals to add stimulation and interest to his day, but I came to realize that feeding him this way also helps protect against bloat, which is frequently triggered by infrequent meals eaten quickly. Bloat is a terribly fast killer of large dogs and by the time it hits it’s almost always too late, so I’m all about prevention. I strongly encourage others with large dogs to do the same; at the very least feed smaller meals twice or more times daily.
Chose “allow pets to sleep on bed” - but not currently, because the bird doesn’t want to and it would be detrimental to the fish.
When I had a cat, however, he slept on the bed.
No gifts, no dress ups, no special meals although the cat did get “love heart” nutritional supplements when I could afford them. And I gather oxyweed from a pond for the fish, it’s cheaper (and I found healthier) than buying weed from the pet store.
Cat sleeps on the bed. Usually I go to bed when he’s still prowling around. I leave the door open a crack, and when I wake up, he’s snuggled against my side.
All the rest of it, hahahaha, no way. Although I have dragged him around the world, so it’s not like I’m not attached.
The cats are not allowed in my bedroom, let alone on my bed.
But I do buy them Christmas presents. Most recently I had an idea: if I wrapped up their new toys in tissue paper laced with catnip, would they open them themselves? Yes, yes they would 
I have big dogs. They sleep on the bed, though the youngest usually sleeps on the couch in the guest room and just comes for a snuggle when she feels like it. The cats sleep in their beds mostly, but Owen will come upstairs and step on my head and gently hint that he would like me to lift the covers so he can cuddle some nights. Then I get annoyed and he goes to his bed on the night table.
The dogs get kibble, but I also cook for them. I make a soup/stew of beef and oats and sweet potato and/or some other meat, carb, veg variation and add that on top of their kibble.
I also make cookies. My old dog had allergies. Chicken was one, but I suspected there were other things. It was hard to find cookies back then that didn’t contain ingredients that might trigger a reaction, so I started making my own.
As far as dressing them… at least once a winter I make them wear their dog coats, just because they look so cute in them. As the dogs got older, the coats seemed necessary on really cold days. I have forced them to wear bunny ears, reindeer antlers, devil horns and fancy collars and taken pictures at halloween and christmas. Again, just because they looked so cute.
They get presents. Sometimes they get me presents.
Our cat used to sleep on the bed. I didn’t cook special meals for him but he’d get the can of Nine Lives Turkey Feast for Thanksgiving/Christmas rather than the usual dry food.
I used to let Olive sleep with me, but my boyfriend won’t have it. I admit, it is annoying when she tries to sleep on your head, which she often does.
No special presents or food, although we’ll give her scraps of chicken or fish if we’re having any. She seems uninterested in most toys we get her. Certainly no clothes - she has enough fur for two cats.
Cats are certainly allowed to sleep on the bed. Dogs were if I wasn’t in the bed. (The two dogs I’ve had in the past preferred having the couch all to themselves at night, anyway.)
I just want to note that I only dress my rabbit up for SCA events because he is a War Rabbit and War Rabbits wear chainmaille (The chainmaille is also a harness so he cannot scamper off) I never dress my cats in anything.
Dog is allowed on the couch (it’s leather, so dog fur sweeps off, does not cling) but they’re not allowed on the bed. 80lb GSD’s…err, I mean German Shepherds shed a *lot - and it’s difficult enough to keep on top of… and I don’t want dog fur on my bed.
Receives rawhide chew bones semi-regularly but not in conjunction with holidays.
Do not dress up the dog - but have been considering doing this - some kind of coat when venturing outside when temps have fallen into the single F digits or below.
Although I did try to make the dog wear a Santa Claus hat. It was for a Christmas card idea, the dog was supposed to be in the act of doing their number 2 duty on the middle of a snowy lawn - and the card would say “Merry Christmas. I hope you get a lot of good shit!”
The dog kept knocking the hat off, refused to wear it. Until finally I gave up on the whole thing.
Does chainmaille protect against Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch?
Dogs sleep in our bed and get special meals every now and then (for their birthdays mostly).
My dog is permitted up on the bed for just as long as she doesn’t try to lick my face.
Since this is nearly impossible for her, she usually gets the boot pretty quickly when I’m trying to actually sleep.
I am pretty strict about her not getting people food and since I am not really a cook, I don’t cook special doggy food.
I don’t get her Christmas gifts but my mother - of all people - does.
The puppy sleeps on my bed sometimes, and I did kinda get her a Christmas present - some doggy treats and a blanket, stuff that I would have got her anyway.
At Christmas we also put her and the dog we dogsit in Santa suits, and I might put a little rainbow bandana on her for Pride; the other dog has rainbow leggings that I got her for Christmas partly on the theory that they mighty help with her arthritis.
I do call her my furry baby, but it’s tongue-in-cheek. I have a kid, so am well aware of the difference - my daughter never ate my phone.
When it’s just me in my bed, the cat or cats can sleep there as long as they’re not getting on my nerves (Ponch has a habit of licking or nipping at my hair; Stryper will interpret random sleep-movements as an invitation to play. . .). When hubby’s home, he does not tolerate cats in the bed. It would be weird and creepy to let the snakes sleep in my bed, so they mostly stay in their cages.
I don’t cook special food for my ‘boys’ (the cats), but if I’m fixing myself a lunch meat sandwich and Ponch comes around looking all pathetic and adorable, I’m likely to throw him a scrap or two; ditto, bacon or cheese. When I thaw some raw meat in the microwave, I’ll pour the juice off the plate onto their plate for them to lick up. I’ll also drain my can of tuna onto their plate. I wouldn’t count that as ‘cooking for them’, though.
I buy them treats, but that’s whenever they run out of treats, not for holidays or such. And I can’t even imagine either of them tolerating being dressed up.
For the 3 cats, who obviously have us cowed:
- attempted to toilet train them
- set up motion-detecting camera to record all activity in our bathroom and then had to explain to guests why that was the case and how to erase the footage.
- spent two years rewarding their bodily functions with treats and flushing for them
- re-arranged the furniture and house plants in a more cat-pleasing way
- spent a weekend building a cat-pleasing castle of a tree
- keep to a schedule so that they don’t become emotionally unbalanced
- switched back to litter so the cats could be happy even if we went on holiday and the pet-sitter couldn’t flush for them every time
- arrange the pillows on the bed so as not to disturb headcase cat’s favorite sleeping spot, or he cries piteously and we feel evil
For the dog (who is obviously outmaneuvered by the cats):
- bought multiple sets of expensive snow booties and parkas because his un-evolved Mexican mutt self couldn’t cope with -20C well
- take him on walks in -20C and below
For the pets in general:
- bought a trailer because we couldn’t afford a house, couldn’t rent and couldn’t imagine giving up the pets
Cats sleep on the bed. Hai sometimes sleeps under the covers when she’s cold.
They get a new bucket of treats in one tiny stocking at Christmas. The other tiny stocking is filled with all the toy mice and milk rings we find under the sofa when they aren’t looking.
Hai also gets a whole can of Fancy Feast on Thanksgiving, Christmas and her birthday (4/20) instead of the usual 1/2 can. She also gets pork scraps as she’s a pork junky too (but no beef - raw beef makes her spin in a circle and barf at all four compass points) Minerva, my son’s cat, will only eat homemade beef jerky or raw tuna so when we have that in that house, she gets a little taste of that.
Kitty’s always slept with me, though lately she’s been more interested in sleeping on the HVAC unit in the bedroom. For a longer value of ‘lately,’ she’s developed a mildly irritating preference to sleep at the head of the bed, next to my pillows, where she deposits lots of fur on the fitted sheet. Hurrah for lint brushes.
Christmas presents have always been done for all the kitties in my life.
I don’t cook anything special for her, but I suspect an extended (more than day-long) absence of the Fancy Feast Appetizers (for Cats) wet food treats would result in a mutiny, so I checked that box too.
Of course 
And as I think of it the bunny slept in my bed for a little while last night (a. it was cold and the bunny does not like being cold, b. I couldn’t sleep because of a sinus infection and wanted company c. the rabbit makes a excellent bedwarmer).