Your Scotch Score

Cafe Society
1

Take the number of distilleries you have sampled (e.g. Macallan, Laphroaig, etc.)
Divide by the number of years you have been of legal age to drink, round to the nearest whole number, and add it to the previous total
Add the age of the oldest scotch you have sampled

Consider single malts best? – Add 2 points
Consider blends best? – Add 1 point
Like them both? – Add 3 points

Own scotch merchandise? – Add 1 point
…displayed proudly in your home or worn regularly? – Add 2 points

Take you scotch on the rocks? – Add 1 point
Take your scotch with a splash of water? – Add 2 points
Take your scotch neat? – Add 3 points
All of the above? – Add 5 points

Could you tell the difference between Highland and Islay scotches in a blind taste test? – Add 3 points

Do words like smoky, peaty, and oaky make your mouth water? – Add 1 point

Have you sampled every variety of Johnnie Walker, including Swing, and excluding Premix and special editions? – Add 3 points

Do you drink scotch cocktails because they enhance the flavor of scotch? – Add 1 point
Do you avoid scotch cocktails because they mask the flavor of scotch with lesser alcohols? – Add 2 points

Purchased a scotch at auction? – Add 3 points
Purchased a scotch no longer in production at auction? – Add 6 points
…and drank it? – Add 10 points
…that night? – Add 20 points

Been to Scotland? – Add 1 point
Been to a scotch distillery? – Add 5 points
Drank directly from the cask? – Add 10 points
Didn’t try any scotch while you were there? – Subtract 1000

Your Score:

0-30 – You probably prefer your beverages to be pink in color and garnished with a sweet tart
31-60 – Still a beginner, but your heart is the right place; don’t stop until Jack Daniels tastes like Coca-Cola (even if you haven’t added any)
61-90 – A true connoisseur; you know scotch to be the best of all beverages and can’t be convinced otherwise
90 or more – The pinnacle of scotch snobbery; you won’t drink anything that hasn’t sat in a barrel for at least a decade

2

51 :frowning: The fact that I’m a broke 27 year-old and can’t afford to go to Scotland to visit a distillery is killing me in the points! This test is biased towards those across the pond!

3

This is an instant -1000000.

4

Or, perhaps, everybody’s tastes are different and you just don’t like scotch? Personally, I’ll take a fine extra anejo tequila over a glass of scotch any day of the week, and a good cask-aged, hand-pulled 80-shilling Scottish ale over either one. I’d probably score about a two on your test, but I detest sweet beverages and can’t recall ever drinking anything pink other than lemonade.

5

You claim to not enjoy pink beverages in direct contradiction to your Scotch Score. I suggest you remit a timely appeal to the Scotch Score Institute and Social Club. We will analyze your responses and report our findings to you. Please be advised, however, that in the history of the SSI&SC no score has ever been found to be incorrect by more than 0.004 points which is well within the margin of error. Thank you for your interest and do enjoy your pink cocktails.

6

64 - that’s without having visited Scotland or purchased any whisky at an auction

7

63 here. Like, Terminus Est, I have never been to Scotland or bought scotch at auction.

8

Hmmm. If my maths is right, it’s impossible to get beyond ‘still a beginner’ without buying at auction. :dubious:

9

I’ve tried too many I can’t count, usually on the same night. ON the rocks, neat, with water, with cola, tried them every which way. Been to Scotland but only ever been to an Irish distillery (where I drank whiskey for breakfast). Never bought at auction, not an afficianado (spell), I’m just thirsty, all the time.

10

Recalculating my score due to GorillaMan’s skepticism:

Take the number of distilleries you have sampled (e.g. Macallan, Laphroaig, etc.)
+15

Divide by the number of years you have been of legal age to drink, round to the nearest whole number, and add it to the previous total
+22

Add the age of the oldest scotch you have sampled
+18

Consider single malts best? – Add 2 points

Own scotch merchandise? – Add 1 point

Take your scotch neat? – Add 3 points

Could you tell the difference between Highland and Islay scotches in a blind taste test? – Add 3 points

Do words like smoky, peaty, and oaky make your mouth water? – Add 1 point

Do you avoid scotch cocktails because they mask the flavor of scotch with lesser alcohols? – Add 2 points

Total = 67 (heh!)

11

59 - not bad for a 28 yo. But me and the mates do like our scotch.

12

By my math, drinking straight from the cask at a Scottish distillery, and liking your scotch in various ways (neat, on the rocks, with water) nets you 21. One 40 year scotch then gets you to 61. So, if you’ve got 1000 pounds to drop on a bottle…

13

Until it was empty? Add a buncha points. :stuck_out_tongue:
I used to be a Scotch drinker, but have retired to vodka.

14

:smiley: I manage 53 now.

I’m with those who think this should be negative points!

15

I don’t have the time or inclination to do the score, but I assume it would be pretty high:

  • I lived in Scotland for a year (and learned out to drink there - before my college exchange program, “drinking” to me meant losing at quarters and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon Lite or some such crap). We visited distilleries and such, but back in 1983, it wasn’t the fancy experience it has evolved to be - the Great Single-Malt Boom happened right after I got back.

  • I’ve tried several dozen different single malt scotches

  • I’ve had several aged bottles, include 2 different 25-year Macallans given to me, some aged Laphroig, Talisker, Balvenie, Springbank, etc…

  • I prefer single malts and will drink them with a splash, neat, with a cube or two - whatever works…

  • I have no Scotch gear, save a great rocks glass I prefer to use…

Bottom line? Scotch is a wonderful thing.

16

Take the number of distilleries you have sampled (e.g. Macallan, Laphroaig, etc.)
=22

Divide by the number of years you have been of legal age to drink, round to the nearest whole number, and add it to the previous total
Legal age for 27 years
22/27 rounded = 1
23=22+1

Add the age of the oldest scotch you have sampled
83=23+50 year-old Mcallan

Consider single malts best? – Add 2 points
Consider blends best? – Add 1 point
Like them both? – Add 3 points
85=83+2 (like blends, but no blend is “best” compared to single-malts

Own scotch merchandise? – Add 1 point
…displayed proudly in your home or worn regularly? – Add 2 points
85=85+0 (unless “merchandise” includes the Scotch itself…)

Take you scotch on the rocks? – Add 1 point
Take your scotch with a splash of water? – Add 2 points
Take your scotch neat? – Add 3 points
All of the above? – Add 5 points
88=85+3

Could you tell the difference between Highland and Islay scotches in a blind taste test? – Add 3 points
91=88+3

Do words like smoky, peaty, and oaky make your mouth water? – Add 1 point

Have you sampled every variety of Johnnie Walker, including Swing, and excluding Premix and special editions? – Add 3 points

Do you drink scotch cocktails because they enhance the flavor of scotch? – Add 1 point
91=91+0

Do you avoid scotch cocktails because they mask the flavor of scotch with lesser alcohols? – Add 2 points
93=91+2

Purchased a scotch at auction? – Add 3 points
Purchased a scotch no longer in production at auction? – Add 6 points
…and drank it? – Add 10 points
…that night? – Add 20 points
93=93+0

Been to Scotland? – Add 1 point
Been to a scotch distillery? – Add 5 points
Drank directly from the cask? – Add 10 points
Didn’t try any scotch while you were there? – Subtract 1000
98=93+5

So, I’m a 98. Big bump from the Macallan taste.

17

Mine was a gift, OK? And it’s a very nice coffee table book by Michael Jackson. No, not that one, the other one.

18

How can you only add 5 points here?

19

I’m going to check this again after a few scotches to see if I come up with the same number.

20

A quick “back of an envelope” summary puts my score at…Oh, Jeez, that can’t be right…