“Can’t remember. What do the tests say?”
I actually used that recently.
“Doc, are you asking me out for a drink? Bit cheeky, don’t you think?”
How much booze, or how many glasses of other stuff? (Presuming they differ…)
Any way a mod can change “smass-ass” to “smart-ass”?
Even “dumb-ass” would be better.
Report yourself, grovel and offer bribes.
I’m not a smartass about it, I am perfectly honest. I start drinking within 15 minutes of getting up and I try to stop an hour before I go to bed.
If they are concerned about the amount of “drinks” I have, they need to make it clearer. Plus, I don’t really drink that much but I smoke a whole bunch of top shelf weed. Nobody asks about that, only tobacco.
As a pointless aside, a couple of nights ago I watched What If starring Daniel Radcliffe, Zoe Kazan and Adam Driver. With the subtitles on. During a conversation between Wallace (DR) and Chantry (ZK) one frequent word was rendered as arsehole when spoken by Radcliffe and asshole when said by Kazan.
Well as a doctor this bothers the crap out of me. If you answer me like that I’ll just assume you’re an alcoholic.
My other least favorite responses:
“I just drink socially” (How social are you? Are we talking a drink a month or a six-pack a day?)
“I really don’t drink at all…just wine” (Yeah, wine and beer both count.)
“I used to drink more but I’ve cut down” (But HOW MUCH are you currently drinking?)
Let’s break it down:
One drink=one shot=one beer=one glass of wine
Rarely drink=one to two drinks a month or less
Occasionally drink=1-3 drinks a week
Moderately drinks= up to one drink a day for women and two drinks a day for men
Heavy drinker=any more than that
Binge drinking=more than 3-4 drinks in any one night
If you have no medical problems, you are OK at the moderate level.
If you have well-controlled hypertension or diabetes, you can probably get away with the occasional level of drinking.
If you have uncontrolled hypertension or diabetes, or liver or kidney disease, your level should be at most rare and preferably none.
(The old adage that an alcoholic is anyone who drinks more than their doctor does not apply, since I am firmly in the rare category).
Also, I don’t triple what you report but I may double it, especially if you are being evasive.
ETA: I definitely ask about marijuana use. Yes it’s legal but so are cigarettes and smoking anything is toxic to the lungs.
If you binge drink 12 beers on a Friday (which I can no longer do) is that worse than drinking 2 beers a day Monday through Saturday (which I never did, I only drank on Friday)?
Done.
“Depends on the day”
My standard reply to “do you smoke” is “I do not use tobacco in any form”.
You don’t win a prize if you fool the doctor into thinking you don’t drink or smoke as much as you actually do. All you get in return for deceiving your doctor is less effective medical care.
I only drink when I’m out of meth, so not much.
I’m totally 100% honest with my doctor. He then edits my statements before putting them in my chart. It’s a group practice and he knows that if he accurately records my information, his partners will argue that he needs to be more forceful in urging me to change.
I’m surprised people hedge their answers (unless it’s humor, followed by actual data). I assume medical folk have seen it all and are long past any judgment issues. Alcohol, tobacco, food habits, drugs, sex, exercise, I give accurate (although sadly boring) info on all the above.
This week a PA asked me this, offering Never, Seldom, and Lots as a multiple choice. I told her it was X drinks/week and let her choose the category.
The only times I lie is non-medical stuff that really is none of their business, like “Do you have guns in the house?” I just say no and move on. My Dad gets hostile and says: “None of your goddamned business!”, which I keep telling him is definitely answering their question.
I do dislike the 3 category tobacco questions though: “Non-smoker, smoker, former smoker”. I quit smoking in 1984 and haven’t had one since. This puts me in the same category as someone who smoked for 40 years and quit yesterday. I think there should be more choices in this one, and always explain the details to the docs.
i always said "not enough " after meeting some of my fam he agreed with me although he advised not drinking at all as I have high liver enzymes …
Alcoholics lie to their docs, as they do to everyone else. And the first person they lied to about their drinking was themselves. Telling the actual facts to a doc means admitting them to yourself, and that would be a no-no for anyone determined to continue.
Speaking from personal experience.
Oh.
Well, I tell them the truth but they don’t seem too concerned about it!
Given it’s your health at stake, why not answer clearly and politely?
I myself don’t drink, except for a glass of champagne at a wedding (and I haven’t been to a wedding for years.)
My internist once told me that normal GGT (gamma glutamyl transferase) levels on my lab panel indicated I was being honest when I told him I was a scant drinker. Actually, a significant minority of those who abuse alcohol have normal GGT levels, and GGT can be elevated in a variety of non-alcoholic disorders of liver and bile ducts.
Posting “smass-ass” is frequently correlated with excessive drinking, however. 