I am due with our first child in March, and my husband’s job is already scheduling work for then. This is a small company in the US, so lots of stuff about family leave doesn’t apply (actually, I’m pretty ignorant about all that). How much time off is it reasonable for him to take?
I have heard fairy tales about two weeks of paternity leave, just like I’ve heard fairy tales about three month maternity leaves, but my gut instinct is that one week is probably more like it. Maybe even generous.
I took two weeks leave - but then, I was working for my father-in-law at the time, so I was *ordered *to stay at home and look after his daughter and grandson.
For those two weeks I did everything - shopping, household chores, baths, diapers - while my wife just breastfed and slept. It was wonderful. It also helped establish the dynamic we had with taking care of our kid: he was never “hers” more than he was “mine”, at it is with many parents.
My husband took two weeks off for the birth of kid #1. It was not officially paternity leave or even FMLA - he just had many, many conversations with HR and used a combination of sick and vacation time. (Part of the reason for taking two weeks was because we had no other source of help at the time. My in-laws were living overseas and my parents, who live pretty far away as well, were preoccupied with taking care of my grandmother, who had heart surgery the day before the kid was born.)
Hubby took a week off for kid #2. It was also vacation/sick time. This time around we had a plethora of help, with my parents and in-laws all here at the same time.
Congratulations, and good luck making something work!
We’ve got three people at our company and one of them is my brother. I gave him 3 weeks off for paternity leave.
I took 2 weeks when each of my 3 kids was born, but it was always vacation time. I could have taken FMLA leave, but that’s unpaid leave. IIRC, the company I worked at when my second child was born gave you an extra 1 week paid vacation if your spouse (or I guess you) had a baby. For the other two, I just had to hoard vacation time.
I’m afraid in the US it’s basically him deciding how much of the leave he’s already entitled to (sick/vacation) that he wishes to use at this time. What’s reasonable depends on a number of factors, most of which you won’t know about until the baby is actually born.
Schedule as much vacation time as you can spare now - if you find that you don’t need it I’m betting it will be a lot easier to go back to work early than to get extra time off scheduled.
Congratulations and good luck.
My neighbor just had a baby by cesaerian on Monday, and the husband is taking a month off. But he’s a cop and gots loads of time off.
StG
Irishfella took 10 days- 5 fully paid (his company is awesome) and 5 at stat paternity pay.
The thing is- they were not consecutive.
I had an elective c-section on a Thursday, got out of hospital on the Sunday and the next day was a bank holiday, so was a paid day off and didn’t count towards his total.
He took the Thursday off, worked Friday, took the next week off paid.
Then he worked for a week in order to meet a deadline (although he does work from home 2 days a week) and he then took the
next week off at stat.
It actually suited us perfectly- there was no need for him to be off work when I was in hospital, he was there to help me at first. Then I got a few days by myself with family, and then we had another week together, by which time I was able to get up and do more and had more of a handle on the routine and breastfeeding etc.
I was super eager to be up and about and got permission to drive 3 weeks or so after the surgery-technically the advice is to wait 6 weeks. Having him about in those first weeks to act as taxi service was very handy, and would have been even more necessary if my family weren’t so close by.
In those early days the dad’s job is mainly to
a) gatekeep the visitors
b) keep mum and baby fed and hydrated
c) take the baby so mum can shower and nap
d) keep the cupboards stocked with food
e) keep the house habitable
I don’t think irishfella really started to bond fully with the baby until she was smiling- happily coinciding with the second week of his leave.
I’m in California, and I took four weeks leave.
One week (5 days) was paid paternity leave provided as a benefit by my company.
Three weeks (15 days) was paid time off (vacation, essentially) that I had saved up over time.
I’m expecting any day now and my husband is planning to take a week off, using vacation time. We’re just hoping this baby arrives on a weekend or close to one so the majority of that time is spent at home with the baby and I and not at the hospital.
I work for a large company and had an option, 2 months unpaid leave, per FMLA, or 2 weeks paid leave.
Took the 2 weeks, couldn’t afford 2 months without pay.
I could have also used my vacation time to extend the leave, but didn’t. At least not more than a day or two.
Husband planned a week off, and his workplace made room in his schedule around my due date.
And then my baby arrived two weeks late, as first borns often will.
So my husband had to juggle work and being home and, in the end, only got (a part of) a couple days off. However, I had good help for ten days: my insurance (and the Dutch state, it is a common thing here) paid for a nurse/housekeeper/nanny for that time to care for the baby, me, the house and to teach my husband and me both the basics of child-care.
Mrs Piper took eight months of maternity leave, on employment insurance with a top-up from her employer, and then I took four months of paternity leave, partly covered by employment insurance. Parents here (in Canada) have a right under the labour standards laws to a year of parental leave, split as they see fit, so it didn’t count against our holidays or sick leave.
For kid #1, my husband took about 2.5 to 3 weeks. I had complications and needed supervision. For kid #2, my husband took 2 weeks, maybe a little less. The labor & delivery went beautifully and the first week post-partum went far better than I could’ve expected. Plus, my mom was in town - I think he wanted away from her for as long as he could get.
I think I took 2+ weeks off for the first child. For my second I took off a month. The second time I did leave without pay for two weeks, not easy, but we did it.
Our situation was a little complicated. My husband is a barista, so he can’t just up and leave in the middle of a shift, or not show up for one. My husband and his manager had worked out a system to cover his shifts that were already scheduled. Our son was born on a Thursday morning, so my husband took that Thursday through Sunday off. The next week (Monday-Sunday) was already scheduled, and my folks were in town, so I think he worked all of his shifts that week. Then he took the following week or so off.
One thing I recommend, if you can swing it: if your husband gets 3 weeks off, for example, have him take 2 weeks off after the baby is born, and then the next 5 Wednesdays off. That way, once he goes back to work you won’t have FIVE LONG DAYS of no help - you’ll have two days, then he’s home, then two days, then the weekend. It’ll probably be easier on your husband, too.
I’m in NJ, both wife & I worked in PA.
Baby #1 - My job offered no paid paternity leave. I was able to take FMLA up to the limits specified (12 weeks?), but only paid for the time I billed as vacation. So I took one week off.
My wife had to file for disability in one state or the other (I don’t remember which state, but we didn’t have a choice). She only qualified for disability after the baby was born. In the other state, you got to take several weeks off before the baby was due. Consequently, she worked all the way up to the day she delivered. She took off as long as health benefits would be provided, then she changed responsibilities and worked part-time (losing benefits, time off, holidays, vacation, etc.).
Baby #2 - I worked the same job, but the company had been aquired. The new company gave 2 weeks paid ma/paternity leave, excluding any vacation time. So with this child, I took one week off immediately, and then another week off when the sleep deprivation was so bad that neither of us could function ('round month 3 or 4).
My wife wasn’t working full-time and did not qualify for any disability benefits, paid time-off, etc.
ETA: Both labors were induced with no serious complications.
My brother planned for two weeks, but with the option to go back after one.
He went back after one. MIL came and he couldn’t stand her. As in, she didn’t actually do anything. The baby cried? She told my brother to go change her diaper. Supper? Nah, she wouldn’t help out with that. Apparently she just hung around on the couch and held the baby sometimes. My brother wanted our parents to come and visit for supper one day, so Mom cooked a casserole and brought it over and handled everything. Mom is an awesome Mom and now Grandma.
My boss had twins, so under the one year of Canadian leave, he took 2 months and his wife took 10 (but they were both off for the same 2 month period). Apparently the government is now looking at giving even more leave if you have multiples.
With my last baby my husband was able to get three weeks PTO to stay home. It was a C-section, so having him there made a huge difference in my healing. I felt better after that baby than I did having my first c-section 10 years earlier. He took care of everything, which was great, because I just had to feed baby and sleep.
With previous babies it ranged anywhere from just enough time to see baby born to one week. So having him around for the last baby was heavenly and very, very needed.
I only took two days for both of our kids, but my MIL lived at our house for a few weeks so my wife and baby were attended to 24/7. For baby #1, it arrived two weeks after I started a new job at a small firm, so I couldn’t exactly take two weeks off.