In their continuing need to pretend management is a science, the babbling class tries to incorporate engineering terms into their BS-speak. “Bandwidth”, “time-frame”, etc.
At my company, some management nitwit discovered the word “Aperture”. Having little understanding of the word’s meaning, the useless class all began trying to outdo one another, and fit this new gem into their babble. The best example was one of them on a company-wide webcast, gushing that we should “Open our apertures for the good of the corporation!”
Not sure if this is the worst example, or the best. But it was sure as hell entertaining.
I was at a get-together many years ago that happened to be hosted by an automotive engineer and his wife, so several of his auto engineer friends were there as well. I don’t remember the exact details, but one of them was telling a story of a certain auto company that had a problem with gas tanks that had a tendency to explode.
One of the engineers was making an official report on the problem, and to play down the perceived seriousness of the problem, his manager told him to put in the report that the gas tanks had a tendency, not to explode, but to ‘rapidly expand’.
Every time I hear “learnings” in a corporate environment I have tried to tell them there is a perfect English word for “things you learn” and that is “lessons”.
“The learns” is just so wrong that the grammar section of my brain had an aneurysm.
Really. Does this workplace have lockers? Because that person’s an ideal candidate for getting shoved and locked into theirs unless/until they give us the name of who they got that from.
Who must be dealt with before they spread it further.
There are too many to list so I’ll just go with my current favorite – how content steaming platforms refer to the ever increasing amount, length and placement of ads as “enhancing the viewing experience.”
