Seriously, what’s so damn bad about it? This is what happens:
I’ll be out, say, in a bar, and I’ll be talking to a young woman. About 20 or 30 mintues into the conversation, the topic of me being “conservative” comes up. Either because I’m somewhat anal-retentive, though not obsessive-compulsive (no smoking in the car, I don’t care if it is a rental; no, that is not the correct way to fold a map, just give it to me, I’ll do it; see, it’s not that hard to find clothes that fit, stop wearing those baggy-ass stupid jeans…idiot) ** or ** because of the way I’m dressed (say I’m wearing a nice JCrew or A/F sweater, an undershirt and a pair of jeans that fits or a pair of khakis). Mind you, I won’t be called a snob, or yuppy, just conservative.
And it always comes across as a bad thing. Not “Oh, you’re conservative! You’ve got IRA’s and a 401k, a good job, dress nice, bathe frequently, speak properly and don’t talk to me like I’m just some piece of ass.” Instead, it comes out like this: “Oh, you’re conservative. Hmmm. Well, I’m pretty sure you’re not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that), but…” and it trails onto some blathering tripe regarding her interest in someone a little less this or more that, or something. Yeah. And it’s not just because I’m talking to floozies or idiots, some (admittedly not all) of these women are quite intelligent and interesting women.
I go out West every year to ski and snowboard on black and double-black diamonds. I SCUBA dive. I kayak. I’ve driven a NASCAR 160.38 mph. I re-founded a fraternity and was VP of the ski club, which was sponsered (in part) by Miller! I was a United States Marine, fer cryin’ out loud!
I’ve been called conservative not less that 3 times in the past 6 months. What gives? And why is this a bad thing (or is it)?
Oh, that’s another one of those “things you didn’t/don’t know…” items I should have listed.
So right=conservative? Left=liberal?
I seriously can never remember.
On the OP, my father keeps telling me I should start going back to church to meet women. I retort (tongue-in-cheek) with “I don’t think I’m looking for the kind of woman I would meet there.” :rolleyes:
Well, what struck me on reading your post is that “conservative” is being used by these women as a word meaning “thinks there is only one proper way of doing things and that everyone else should conform to this.” Why should you care what kind of jeans someone else is wearing?
As for your list of interests, they might be shared by a number of women, but women generally don’t ski, kayak, or SCUBA dive in order to impress people–they do it for enjoyment or personal fulfillment. The way you enumerate your interests makes it sound like you are presenting a resume, not looking for common ground.
cher3 is right. A lot of people confuse the word ‘conservative’ with ‘boring’ and ‘intolerant’, just as many confuse ‘liberal’ with ‘naive’ or ‘stoned.’ Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad examples (often made up) to support the generalizations.
What’s funny is I remember being at a Democratic precinct caucus that passed a resolution declaring that ‘liberal’ was not a dirty word.
Sorry, but in the minds of many “conservative”=“intolerant tight-ass”.
Your OP isn’t doing much to dispel that notion.
Specifically, this
bespeaks a judgmental (or one might even say pre-judgmental) attitude, inasmuch as it implies that those who disagree with your political views are trash-talking slobs who can’t hold down a job and have no money.
Oh? And would you care to explain how the OP expresses, in any way, thinksnow’s political views? Or is yours just a knee-jerk reaction to the word “conservative”?
Actually, my entire OP, and my life in general and specific for that matter, has nothing to do with political beliefs. Sorry if it came across that way. I don’t like to talk politics in a bar, in a car, in the rain or on a train. I’m not a political creature. Couldn’t care less, actually.
I guess my listing of the things I do was more to attempt to demonstrate that I’m not some cloistered hermit, interested only in the latest…I don’t even know what to put here. Sorry. I’m simply trying to say that I do exciting and sometimes uncommon things and that, despite my (appartantly) sometimes stodgy attitude or appearance, I’m not some big stick-in-the-mud. That’s what my interpretation of conservative is: stick-in-the-mud (see also: like/similar to your grandfather; one who doesn’t do anything exciting)
That’s all.
FTR, tho’, I did feel myself blush while reading cher3’s post, so I wonder if, perhaps, I do weigh others personal comments a bit heavily. Also FTR, I don’t just spout my activities to people, again, I was just listing them here, to y’all, as an FYI, so my “enumeration” of said interests here should not be construed as an attempt to impress you or me asking “do you think I’m cool” or any junk like that. I do all those things because I truly enjoy doing them and I have and will continue to do them with or without others for that self-same reason.
Back to the original topic of this post, and in response to spoke- and cornflakes posts, does being called “conservative” only have something to do with the body politik? If so, then I guess I really missed the barb.
No, conservative doesn’t necessarily have to do with politics, but it’s not surprising that people have politics on their minds right now.
At the risk of making you blush even more, thinksnow, I must say that if I, personally, were having a first date or first conversation with someone and he pulled the “that’s not the right way to fold a map” bit, it might be curtains for the relationship right there, unless he made up for it pretty soon.
I think that women–especially intelligent, independent ones–are likely to bristle at that sort of thing. Traditional women (the kind you think you would meet at church?) might expect to be treated that way, but other women see it as condescending and insulting. Now, I realize that if you said it to another guy, he would either shrug and give you the map or offer you detailed advice on why his method of folding was actually correct. Women, on the other hand, would wonder if you were one of those jerks who is always criticizing his wife/girlfriend about every little thing–especially in public.
Well, everybody knows that conservatives beat their wives and children, believe in the death penalty for anyone who gets laid before they’re married (except themselves), and think technological marvels like the dishwasher and the self-tuning engine are a sissy’s way out of doing his chores. Oh, and they like to have wars, because it gives them an excuse to beat up funny-looking foreigners who don’t believe in the same literal interpretation of the bible as their own.
Aw, nuts, I don’t have a wife or children… does this mean I have to hate gun owners now?
Seriously, though (me? Serious? Never!)… I’m technically quite conservative (about some issues, anyway), which always always ALWAYS seems to surprise people. I’m a self-contradictory creature, I suppose.
OK, my earlier post may have had an unduly harsh tone, for which I apologize. Also, I mistakenly assumed your use of the word “conservative” encompassed your political views and not just your lifestyle.
So perhaps we do have a semantic problem. What do you mean when you call yourself “conservative?” Are you using “conservative” as a synonym for “traditional” or “cautious” or “straight-laced”?
Laying aside the politics, “conservative” as used by a woman in a bar may be a polite way of saying “anal-retentive,” “lacking spontaneity,” “uptight,” “judgmental” or “controlling,” as you have apparently surmised. The word does have negative connotations, depending on the context in which it is used.
I guess what got my dander up is the implication in the OP that those who do not share your values (whether they are political or apolitical values) are contemptible idiots. That strikes me as a judgmental attitude which would tend to reinforce some of the negative associations of the word “conservative.”
But of course! I mean, if you haven’t already married your high school sweetheart, and had scads of kids with her, and then beat her up and divorced her so you could marry that slut from the local health club and have kids with her, it means either that you’re gay or that you don’t believe in the Double Standard which all good conservatives hold sacred.
I hope not. I consider myself generally to be a conservative Democrat. That probably means that should hate myself by most people’s rules.
spoke is probably on the right path by saying that conservative is a euphenism for uptight. FWIW, my wife has called me worse* and still puts up with me. They’re out there.
I may have misunderstood your OP, thinksnow, but political outlooks don’t send up many red flags. Your examples of slightly anal retentive preferences would. Maybe I misread what you wrote, taking it too literally.
But the “do it this way”, “no, don’t do that”, “you aren’t doing it right”, etc. would shout control freak to most women. (And probably most men, too, in honesty.)
Other than that, I doubt political outlook has any more impact than it always had. Maybe the social aspects are little more highlighted right now, but gee, it’s possible to thoroughly enjoy people who don’t share the same stance on Big Social Issues.
My opinion? Anyone who rejects getting to know someone because of different viewpoints isn’t worth worth regretting. (And that goes for either end of the politcal spectrum.)
I’ve always gotten along better with other people, of whichever sex and regardless of my carnal intentions, by showing more interest in them than in myself. If you come across as self-centered (“Hey, look at all the fun things I’ve done! Aren’t I wonderful?”) then you’ll get the kind of reaction you described. Your political views don’t really enter into it. The kind of woman who would make a good life’s companion will be looking for friendship first from you, and listing a bunch of self-indulgent stuff won’t do it.
Of course, we’ve never met, so I have no idea of what vibes you give off, and, being male, you wouldn’t give them to me anyway, so feel free to blow this post off.
I always associated “conservative” with “reserved” and/or “prude,” personally, because I’ve been called all three interchangably, as if they mean the exact same thing. Just because I tend to be on the quieter side, don’t get drunk every weekend, and I don’t get laid by every guy I meet, this seems to make me all three.
I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing though. I like the way I am, and you should be happy with yourself, too. Don’t let those people get to you. It would seem that the people who call you this don’t know you that well (I could be wrong).
Okay, I guess I should make a few notes here:
-My interpretation of conservative is along the lines people have emntioned here, a’la straight laced, boring, etc.
-I mentioned this before, don’t just walk up t someone and say “Hey, talk to me, this is all the stuff I do.” More often than not, people will have no idea of those things until some third party brings them up or it becomes a relevant topic of discussion. And yes, Elvis, I wholeheartedly agree that making an effort to find out more about the party of interest is a much better tack than going on and on about yourself (not you, in particular, but you get the idea). TVeblen, I rarely find myself telling someone how to fold a map in a bar
So okay, perhaps I am somewhat uptight, but I certainly don’t think I’d qualify as a control freak…I think. Hmmm, interesting. Does this mean I’m doomed to find myself only with women who want everything done for them? <gah!> I certainly hope not. Ideally, I think, I’m looking for someone as adventurous as I am and I guess that’s what I don’t understand: how is it that I see myself as adventurous, spontaneous and outgoing(-ish) and that comes across as “conservative?”
