[Sounds of Wild Thing blaring on the Stereo}
Welcome! Welcome!
Let me take your coat!
The table to put your *dish to pass * is over there.
The keg is over there.
Any presents, you can put on this table here.
Don’t mind the dog, she just craves attention!
Happy birthday, Shirley Ujest!!! I guess I’m the first one here, huh? Well good. You need plenty of room for the present I got for you!!! I’ll just swing it through the door and [clump] set it down here.
And I even brought my own tankard for the beer!!
oh, wow, it’s just so great to be invited to something like this! i just moved here, you see, and don’t know that many people yet… nice doggie… i brought you a little something but seeing as you’ve got the keg and all, maybe i’ll just drink it myself… 
Shirley,, dah-ling, it’s so good to see you! And looking so youthful on your big day, too!
Do you have room in the icebox for this double chocolate cheesecake? And won’t you open your gift now? This diamond tiarra would be such the perfect thing to wear to your own party. And because I know you like practical gifts, this model of tiarra also comes with attachments so it can be used as a nail gun, an eggbeater, and/or a lawn sprinkler.
Happy birthday!
**Gorgon! ** You shouldn’t have! [sub]But secretly, I’m glad you did! [/sub]
Pour yourself a big mug of ale! I have 137 different varities of the golden ambrosia on tap today! No expense is too much for my friends.
Delphica! Dah-ling (kiss kiss) this tee-air-uh is magnificent! You didn’t purchase it from the Romanov Auctions? Did you? Oh, you silly silly girl!
Cheese cake is always welcome at my house!
**aUra ** Welcome Welcome Welcome! All newbies are invited! No need to be a stranger!
Happy Birthday, Shirley.
Ya say the P.J. O’Rourke books go on that table? And can ya get your dog’s nose outta my crotch?
Happy Birthday Shirley. I’m always too late. Guess I’ll ask a mod to close this http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=101214
Damn, I really wanted to search all the mens !
Happy Birthday! I know you got your birthday present, since I got your note yesterday. A real, non-email, thankee note! I haven’t gotten one o’ those in YEARS!
Um, I, ah, forgot to bring a dish. Sorry. <blushes>
-wanders in with a plate stacked with Cape Breton Pork Pies (no pork and not really pies just sweet sweet tarts with mincemeat that are yummy…) and nanaimo bars- Happy b-day Shirley! -puts the stuff on the table and gives her her present… noting really special just a friendship bracelet braided like flowers in blue and yellow- There you are! -wanders off to the couch to sit and look at the people-
Hey, it’s my twin’s birthday party! It’s my birthday today, too! I brought some 7 layer dip, a german chocolate cake and my cat; she’s a good cat, she’ll just sleep on any warm spot she can find. Oh yeah, I brought some good Canadian beer too; Traditional (for the dark ale lovers) and Grasshopper (for the lager drinkers). Where’s the party hats? Gotta have party hats.
Soory I’m late, Shirley! I brought some Three-Bean Salad. Hope you like it!
As for your gifts, well, you’ll be getting them soon, in the mail. Got you some magazine subscriptions. Tupperware Monthly, Oprah, and Rosie. Hope you like them!
[sub]ps–the Playgirl will be the one in the plain brown wrapper.*[/sub]
Hey, Shirl, is it okay if I brought some friends along? They’re just, well, some people I picked up. This is Josie, she’s the clerk who helped me wrap your gift… and here is Sheryl, she lives two condos down from me. This guy here (can’t remember his name) I just met when I was picking up a six-pack of Black Label at the party store on the corner. He invited some friends too, though they are not here yet, apparently. Whoa! That person who just ripped by me on his way to the keg? That’s Tom my old roommate, and LOOK OUT! It’s his rugby team; they came too… HEY! GUYS! WATCH THE COFFEE TABLE, FOR CHRISSAKES!!!
Sorry about that.
HEY! GUYS?!?!
Shirley, your kids weren’t real attached to that fishtank, were they?
I picked up some KFC, by the way. Sorry a few of the biscuits have bites taken out of them. The chicken is untouched.
**Ayesha! ** :::::sniff::::: (wiping tear from eye)
Wow! Someone remembered my birthday! You get the first big heaping chunk of cheesecake, sweetie!
**Uncle Beer ** Any man who brings me PJ O’Rourke books is not only a gentleman and a scholar, but sexier than Brad Pitt! ::::smoooooch::::::::
**Featherlou ** Happy Birthday twinnie!
**Persephone **You are welcome day or night, kids or el solo lobo. Crocheting or drinking 
**Obsidian Flutterby ** Pork pies that aren’t pork and not pies…I am intrigued…{biting into one} OOOOOOOH, veryyy tasty!
**Athena ** Thank you so very much for the Harry Potter books. I am just glued to HP right now and frankly, I am very surprised that I like it so much. I didn’t expect to.
I hope my handwriting wasn’t too much of a struggle to read.
**Cranky ** You are always welcome at my soirees. Your friends, friends-of-friends and the clerks who work at the dry cleaners who don’t shrink your pants and shirts. Rugby Guys are definately welcome…moreso if their shirts are off.
Don’t worry about the fish tank, they were all nearly to mostly dead anyways.
I wonder how **Gorgon ** is doing at the hospital with the arrival of his little Gorgon.
I’m so happy you are all here!
Shirley, happy birthday you gorgeous don’t look a day over 21 hunka woman! Hope you like this ring. I’m relatively new here but I was told anything over 8 carats is acceptable. This is my very special Velveeta and Spam loaf that I only make for the most glamorous of occasions. Psst…I made two extra so you can have some just for yourself!
ummmmmmmm…where’s the beer?
Hey Shirl! You were born on the same day as Bruce Lee and Jimi Hendrix!
In their honor, I’ve brought you a lovely black belt and a couple very large joints. (Maybe we can get UncleBeer high and talk him into playing the guitar with his teeth.)
Manny happy returns of the day!
Hi Shirley1 Sorry I couldn’t get the band to come. They’re all still passed out over at Rue’s. Happy Birthday! I just brought good old chips and dip. Somehow it isn’t a party wihtout them!
Well, hello, puppy! Yes, good pup. Uh, down–now, quit sniffing! Ya know, dogs always have that reaction to me. Maybe it’s because I wear this jacket to work. I’m a regular olefactory smorgasboard!
Here’s your present, Shirley. I hope you like bath goodies. We’ve got a Lush store just up at the mall, and everything always smells so good!
What a cute kitty. Should she be playing with that fish?
HEY! NANIAMO BARS!! Alright, where’s the Canadians?!
Hey Shirl! Happy birthday, to you, happy birthday to you! Hope that you will have many happy returns of the day. I’ll just mosey on in with my big ole pot of pinto beans and cornbread and have myself a mug of diet coke.
The SO would be here but he’s busy trying to get the wheels back on the house so we can move to the new neighborhood. You know, the one down by the river. All he has to do is clean up the old cardboard boxes and broken beer bottles and we’ll have a new front yard.
Hope you have a great day!
::MsRobyn comes in, bearing a box of Tupperware and one of her famous birthday cakes::
Happy birthday, Shirley!
Robin
Well, thanks, Shirley. If I may make a suggestion though, don’t bother with P.J.'s latest, The CEO of the Sofa; I found it rather bland. This book is missing the best of his acerbic wit.