Not everyone likes kids. Not everyone who likes kids wants kids. And I get to determine where I spend my time and energy, and you have damned little right to tell me if my preference is correct or not, just as I don’t have the right to tell people that they shouldn’t have more than three kids altogether.
You don’t get to choose which charity people volunteer for, or even if they volunteer at all. We all have different needs and capacities, and some people just vastly prefer animals to people.
Technically, it’s grude grudge
(fishy)
(potty)
But you are a nut.
Well, she says 112 years; I say since 1997.
It used to be that the only real difference between dogs and children is the way you dispose of their crap; but then Huggies redefined the little beasts.
So how come our dog calls us Ma and Dad? Answer that one, smartypants.
…although I do have two obedience class certificates showing that “Rover Ipsum” has completed the class. 
I am one of those people who refer to my pets as my children. We have a cat and dog and refer to ourselves as “mommy” and “daddy” around them.
Were we to have human children, would we be cheapening our relationship to them? It’s a non-issue for us as we do not like children and have no plans to have any. I tend to avoid talking in mommy terms around my two sisters who have children, just to prevent any offense. Although one sister did have a dog long before having kids, and she did refer to herself as mommy then, so I think she’d understand.
I think, at least for me, part of it is a joke. I know of course that I did not give birth to my dog, I did not actually adopt him, and my relationship to him is not like a human child. But, dammit, it’s fun for me to call myself mommy, talk to him in a baby voice, and give him a (dog-safe) cupcake on his birthday. Maybe some would say I’m delusional to treat my dog like a kid, and why not just have a real kid. But who am I hurting when I do these things?
And if I didn’t have a dog to care for, would I instead be spending all that time and effort helping the elderly, being a big sister, or working in a soup kitchen? No, I’d be watching my Tivo and surfing the internet.
One last anecdote. I had a best friend in high school, who I am still in touch with, although we don’t hang out as much as we’d like. As long as I’ve known her, she has been the type of person to squee over babies. Any time we saw someone with a baby, she’d go “aww” and have to go over and look at them. As long as she’s known me, I’ve been the type of person to squee over puppies. She always wanted a big family. I always wanted a dog. Today, she has three children, and although stressed, is happy. Today, I have a dog, and I’m happy. What’s the problem?
You lost me there. I can name my dog whatever I want, including giving her two names, the latter of which is my last name.
And they no doubt think you should mind your own business.
Then your issue should be the real problem; self-absorbed friends and projection. Those type of people are tone deaf no matter what the subject and you need to stop equating your very real circumstances to their fantasy life version. What they’re doing doesn’t have anything to do with what they’re doing, no matter how annoying it is.
Cheerfully? What?
Will you have a Blackberry or Android app for the newletter?
No, it’s even better, in a awesomely hilarious way. I may even steal if from you, assuming I ever have a plant that lives for more than a week. 
(Not likely. For the sake of the potted plants themselves, I’ve stopped buying them.)
Personally, I think of myself as being my parakeet’s human, because nothing else seems to fit. I certainly don’t feel like his owner or his mother. No idea who I feel like to him. (“Non-bird-flock-member” I hope.)
I think he told his parents he *could *speak, but, you know what liars these dogs are.
EDIT: Redacted due to inevitable mod note
Seriously. I’m pretty much the opposite of an animal person, but that’s just fucked up.
While I would have chose to use different wording, I do think I agree with most of your points.
I have a loyal, fun, well mannered lab who I would be sad to lose… but to even put my dog on a level anything evenly remotely similar to my kids or a human life is disturbing to me and a sign of a very odd person.
These people who treat their dogs as good better than humans do creep me out. They are delusional in believing that a dog has anything more than basic emotions and act as per the environment they were raised and behaviors learned by repetition and reward/discipline.
They are not people, they do not feel your pain or understand your highs and lows. They want to be fed, petted and played with. That’s it.
If my lab were to pass, the sadness would notch between my sports teams having a bad season and my new truck being totaled.
[QUOTE=bump]
I have a bit of a personal axe to grind, because I have a lot of married friends who talk about their ‘kids’, and mean their dogs, and about how tough they are, and responsibility, etc… and I’m sitting there thinking “Oh, you have no idea… I wish you’d STFU, because actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog, even if it is a borderline retarded dog that’s too stupid to eat a hot dog.”
[/QUOTE]
Ok, I get that. What I want to make clear is, most pet owners get that too. There are definitely some screwy, clueless people out there who genuinely think having a pet is like having a child, but the vast majority of us know better.
I have a cat. When we’re being snuggly, I call him ‘‘Mama’s Baby Kitty.’’ He is basically a big baby, in the sense that he constantly demands attention. I don’t think of him as a human baby at all. I think of him as a cat baby. In fact, the reason I got a cat in the first place is because they are so NOT like children… not even like dogs in that they’re much more self-sufficient. Anyone who would seriously imply that an animal is in any way comparable to a human child in terms of stress, responsibility, and yes, love, has a screw loose. I know these people exist - I have a beloved family member that might fit the crazy dog lady description, and I don’t get it.
I can’t have kids right now. I do wish that I could, but I can’t. In the meantime, I have a cat. I find it amusing that the cat treats me like its mother. I feel affectionate toward him and I like being his caretaker. So I’m Cat Mom. It’s about as complex as that.
On the flip side, there are parents of human children who believe that parenthood is the be-all and end-all of life’s meaning. I’m sure that’s the case in those parents’ private worlds, but it doesn’t render anything else anybody else does somehow meaningless. I might not understand what it is to love a child of my own, but that doesn’t invalidate the different sort of meaning I find in having a cat. People do non-parental things all the time - travel the world, devote their lives to their careers instead of having children - their decisions are not inferior. People who have children do not magically become better people than the rest of us.
When my Lab (not if) passes, my sadness would be many levels higher than wrecking my vehicle. I don’t consider him to be my child, but I would be extremely affected. There is nothing wrong with mourning the death of a loyal, well-loved animal. I wouldn’t put my dog above my family members, but every time I’ve lost a dog, I have experienced extreme sadness. It’s not rational, but that’s just the way I am. And every time I’ve had a dog die, I’ve foolishly adopted another, setting myself up for the same experience a decade or so later. I don’t understand the mind set of someone who “cheerfully” has a dog put to sleep or values a pickup truck over the life of his dog.
Think of it this way. Pets keep up childfree people happy and content enough so they’ll cover for folks at work when there are schools emergencies, dance recitals, family trips to Disney world, or the ever popular maternity leave.
Pets keep lonely people from jumping off of bridges and train platforms, messing up the morning commute for everyone else.
Today when I got home from work, I shouted to my cats, “I don’t care what anyone says. Ya’ll are my babies and I love you very much!”
I concede that they would probably eat my corpse without hesitation. But I don’t care. That’s how irrational love is.
QFT.
Babies’ll do that too, if they get hungry enough.
What if I go and volunteer at an animal shelter? How about that?
Only if you promise to not waste any love while you’re there, Guin. And it’s not about what makes you happy, it’s about how happy bump would be. Squeeee!
I find it greatly offensive that parents think that everything aside from parenting is trivial. Breeding is a choice you made and others didn’t; so suck it up. A lot of parents pretend (and yes, it is pretending) that they’re the only people to have ever had a child. (And yes, often it’s only one. Sometimes two.) Being a parent IS trivial; being a good parent takes some consistency and talent, and I rarely see any of that. Nor do I see many relationships or marriages that survive this parenthood of which you speak so highly.
Not only do I have “*a desire *to love and be connected to something”, I actually do love, and am connected to many things; none of which happens to be my own, or anyone else’s progeny. So what? If you think you’ve cornered the market on knowing how to “spread the love” just because you’re spreading your genes, then take a look at the narcissism haemorraging through your post.
You harp that “..actually having a kid is 100x harder than having a dog..” and yet, you seem to insist that everyone should have one. If I whinge about how intensely hard something is, it’s because I’m deriving little, or no pleasure from it; or, I’ve made a terrible mistake. To me, it’s inconceivable to then absolutely insist that others must do the same.
Thanks, bump - that’s hilarious! No really. I almost had to phone a friend to share that one. How about you take your own advice here, and just insert the word “MONEY” where you have “LOVE”, and transpose “animal” for any pleasure of your choice. See how that flies for ya.
And if you really knew what you were talking about, you’d understand that many of those “elderly or otherwise” certainly can’t conceive of what you’re doing, or why you’re doing it. The best they’ll do is shit their adult nappy for you.
..So what is it - fucking competition? Are all your married friends supposed to have kids so they can truly share in your wounded misery of parenting? I’m sure that even if all of them had children, none of them could *possibly *understand what it’s like for you.
Honestly, bump you should do comedy you’re so tragic.
beautiful post, Monstro.
and to the OP - love is GOOD, more is better. it’s not a zero sum game.