h.sapiens, my husband the optician hates the Varilux ads because they show people slipping on the glasses and instantly marveling at their perfect vision. In real life, it takes time to get used to bifocals, and it takes even longer to adjust to progressive bifocals.
#1 on my list of Commercials I Do Not Miss are the Invisiline invisible braces. It just burned me up how inconsiderate and shallow those idiots were. “If you and everyone you know are complete jerks utterly obsessed with image, you better straighten out your somewhat less than perfect teeth right now with Invisiline!”
I finally started wearing bifocals two or three years ago, I’m on my second pair, and I still find myself occasionally tilting my head and leaning forward or back to get something in the right area of my vision.
Yeah, those Varilux commercials are annoying; I think I went to their website to see how they differed from bifocals when I first saw one, and didn’t understand what all the hype was about.
There was one for Sucrets throat lozenges I remember from the 70s. I was just a little kid, but the whining was so bad it etched in my memory.
Scene: Husband and wife in bed
H: Barbara, you up? BARBARA, YOU UP?!
W: (annoyed) I’m up now.
H: (In three year old whiny voice dropped an octave or two) I don’t think I can sleep with this cold. My throat’s kinda sore.
W: Poor baby. I’ll get you a sucrets.
Narrator tells how great sucrets are.
Cut to couple in bed, husband snoring away and woman playing solitaire on her lap.
W: I’m glad one of us can sleep.
First, the husband’s whiny assed voice and inflection grated my nerves even at age 6. Second, what man in his right mind is going to wake his wife up to gripe about his sore throat? Lastly, what woman is going to wake up and (after hearing the man’s complaint) cheerfully get him a throat lozenge rather than telling to quit whining, leave her alone and open the damn medicine cabinet himself?
Grr. I’m annoyed now just having remembered that thing.
Heh. The one with the bitch who stands up the braces guy for the invisibline stud. I always took comfort in assuming that the invisiline guy who the invisiline bitch slunk off with was a serial killer. :: evil grin ::
I am puzzled by the newest Brawny incarnation, in which a family is having a barbeque in the back yard. A kid who’s gotten sauce all over himself goes up to his mom, who has a giant roll of paper towels, and asks for one. She replies, “Oh, Billy, you don’t need a BRAWNY PAPER TOWEL! You just need a regular napkin.” I’m like, bitch!! Just give your kid a paper towel! What are you, the head of the Bureau of Cracking Down on Unlawful Paper Towel Usage? I bet you’re not frigid and controlling at all, oh no! Your husband’s a lucky man! Then everyone around her begins making these colossal messes and exclaiming, “NO! THIS calls for a Brawny Napkin!” culminating in one gentleman belly flopping unto the picnic table and bringing it down with a crash. If I had to speculate a reason for their actions it would be that they have finally snapped after years of abuse.
The one commercial that I must stare in disbelief when it is on is for mayonaise. I don’t really even care for mayo so maybe this is part of the problem?
Anyways, there are some male dancers to entertain a few women. The women cannot even be bothers to watch the guys do their stuff cause they are busy with dipping food into Straight Mayo.
can the ladies not even look at the men while they enjoy the taste of mayonaise?
Like Dave Barry said: in all those ads for diapers, or Depends, or maxipads, or tampons, or what have you, whenever they show you how it works, the liquid they use is always blue. Who the hell secretes anything blue?! If I started leaking blue stuff, I sure as hell wouldn’t start pondering the benefits of Luvs versus Huggies, I’d hightail it to a doctor!
Yes but think of the alternative. You really wanna see red, yellow, and brown liquids, of varying thicknesses and textures? Perhaps a few chunks thrown in for realism?
Ooh, if this thread becomes TMI it might be closed! Sorry! :eek:
I’m just remembering the Head&Shoulders commercials - not too long ago - where you’re walking around with a group of friends - you’re looking fabulous and well dressed and rich and happy - and you happen to just scratch your head, just a little bit, and EVERY ONE of your so-called “friends” instantly disappears? They just turn away from you in utter revulsion like you have some horrible air-borne-contagious scalp disease. It’s not like you have nasty flakes on your shoulders. You just touched your head.
(1) Blue shows up more easily than yellow against a white surface (such as a diaper). The practice of using blue liquids to demonstrate a diaper’s absorbency probably began back when a lot of people were still watching black and white TVs. A yellow liquid would not show up at all on the screen in this case.
(2) Using a blue liquid versus a more realistic yellow liquid reduces the “gross-out” factor as some people would otherwise probably think it was real pee they were using.
McCain commercials are a treasure trove of that kind of stuff:
There is the frozen french fries ad where a woman threatens to break her husband’s leg if he ever leaves the house. Specifically, she threatens to break the other leg, implying she’s responsible for the already-broken one.
The pizza pockets ad where a teenager gleefully describes a brutal beating.
String cheese ad where the cute anthropomorphized product shrieks in abject terror as it’s about to be eaten.
Frozen pizza commercial that steals the gimmick from the DeLissio/DiGiorno commercials. I guess that doesn’t fit the theme of this tread though
The first two steps in a manicure are to soak the hand in warm water, and then apply a treatment to the nails to soften the cuticles.
A mild detergent like Palmolive can do the trick; it even comes with aloe added to protect dry skin. The point of the commercial is how mild Palmolive is in contrast to other dishwashing detergents.
Any time you see a commercial with a product sopping up some blue bodily fluid, or you see a toilet full of blue water, just think that you’re looking at the urine or menstrual fluid of smurfs. That’ll make you feel better.
No mention yet of those horrible “red period” commercials? The ones with the big red dot floating around while the announcer does the voiceover. I don’t even know what menstrual product they are for. They are so gross I get instant amnesia.
I do like the one with the women trying on clothes–they go from “that time of the month” to “period” to “I’m a menstrual case.”
How about the Hallmark commercials where a person received a card conveying some sort of kind sentiment and the first reaction of the recipient was to … check the back to make sure it’s a Hallmark card! The tagline was something like, “When you care enough to send the very best.”
Who is so fucking shallow that they’d read a card that they’ve received and care what company made it? What the hell is going on in their heads?
“Hmm, a card from my son, what does it say? Dear Dad (opens card) You are the greatest dad ever. Happy Father’s Day, love son.” Well, isn’t that sweet. I wonder what company made this card. (checks the back) Wait a second! This isn’t a Hallmark card! Who the fuck is that kid trying to fool! This day is ruined!"
