You're surrounded by zombies. Whom do you want to rescue you: Ahsoka Tano or the BURN NOTICE crew?

Cafe Society
1

Due to a contrived set of circumstances I’m too lazy to make up, you find yourself in a house besieged by a herd of Walking Dead-type zombies. All your friends are dead, you’re out of ammunition, and you’ve lost your axe. From the sound of things, the walkers will have battered their way in in about ten minutes. Luckily, you have your hyperspace cell phone, so you call Rhymer Enterprises for help. Max from TWO BROKE GIRLS (working at RhE on a temp job) answers.

“This is the Evil Enterprises help desk,” Max says. "Hold on, I gotta put these cupcakes in the oven. Okay, what’s up?

“I am about to be fucking eaten by fucking zombies, that’s what’s fucking up!” you reply. “But I won a coupon for one free rescue in the last hypo thread for my effulgent praise of Skald’s brownies, so teleport my ass outta here!”

“Happy to,” Max says, sticking an index finger into some leftover batter and swirling it around. “Problem is, all those undead are screwing with my transporter lock, so you’ll have to get out of the house first.”

“If I could get out of the house without becoming zombie chow, I wouldn’t need help! HONOR MY COUPON!”

Max pauses to lick batter off her fingers. “That’s gonna be a problem. The Boss is off making sure it looks like the Titanic sank 'cause it hit an iceberg instead of–well, never mind–and all the tactical teams are busy either looting the ship or sinking lifeboats. But tell you what: there’s some do-gooders who owe us favors. I can send Ahsoka Tano from Clone Wars to save your ass–or, if you prefer, the Burn Notice team–Michael, Fiona, Sam, and Jesse. That’s OR, not AND, by the way. You got a preference?”

By this point, you figure you’ve got five minutes before the zombies break in. What’s your answer?

2

My grandson loves Clone Wars. I’ve seen every episode with him, and I have come to notice: Ahsoka tries to help people; Ahsoka usually helps people, but sometimes (in fact, fairly often), somebody dies.

I haven’t seen all that many episodes of Burn Notice, but I’m thinking my chances are better getting out with that team vs. one feisty Jedi-in-training.

3

Why would a person not choose the Jedi? I’m having a hard time imagining a more effective counter to a horde of shambling zombies than a Jedi with a lightsaber. Padawan notwithstanding, I think she’ll make mincemeat of the zombies.

Also, no poll? Is this a genuine Skald post or some kind of imposter?

4

I should have specified in the OP, but since nobody’s complained yet I’ll say so now. Assume that Max will brief whomever she sends on the zombie rules; that we’re talking about Season 5 Ahsoka; and that either rescuer will have only the weapons they would ordinarily have access to on short notice. Ahsoka has a pair of light sabers, the BN crew has the contents of Fiona’s trunk.

5

I’d go with the Jedi.

6

Neither. Daryl or Andrea will do just fine.

7

[michaelwestonvoiceover]When facing a zombie horde, you need to…[/michaelwestonvoiceover]

8

SCCCCHWAAAANK.

                   **Johnny Bravo**
                       *The Client*

I’m not sure I can think of anybody who’s died while being “the client.”

9

Andrea’s dead, and she died an idiot. And neither she nor Daryl is a match for an entire herd.

Besides, you don’t have access to just anybody. You have access to people who owe RhE a favor and whom she can get hold of immediately. Otherwise everybody would be asking for Superman, or possibly Tony Stark. Okay, Peter Rasputin would do well.

10

Thanks for the spoiler, there Skald…as one who only has the season 3 finale left to watch on the DVR.

11

She ain’t dead yet. I’ve only finished Season 2. :stuck_out_tongue:

12

How would you know thats a spolier if you haven’t seen it? in this thread, he’s simply declaring her dead because he hates her.

13

I will go with Ahsoka Tano, as I don’t know anything about anyone else named in the OP.

14

Burn Notice for me. Not only is Fiona’s trunk a larger arsenal than some nations; the victim always survives.

I think people are misreading this here. Never mind the sparkly stick on the Jedi; we’re talking Bruce Campbell against zombies.

No contest.

15

Sure. Except that the client, in this case, is Max; she’s the one asking Mike & company for help. And, per RhE rules, she is not going to expose herself to danger.

16

Doesn’t matter. Bruce vs zombies means quips, they turn on him, and I get away clean. (Bruce gets away dirty.)

17

It’s been a while since I watched the show, but I think this falls clearly under the “please, Mr. Weston! You have to help my son!” conceit, and my survival is still guaranteed.

Bruce Campbell will complain about Michael taking jobs over the phone, but I’ll still end up being labelled something like “The Client (For Real).”

18

Even so, I can think of at least one BN episode in which the (original) client died. A winsome blond woman had hired Sam (and incidentally Michael) to determine who was embezzling from the small fashion house she was partner in. In short, Mike found her dead and determined that one of her employees was being framed for both the embezzlement and the murder; he became the new client.

Anyway, being the client is not a guarantor of surviving the episode. And the more you know about Michael & Company, the more dangerous your position is.

19

It’s very unlikely the zombie hoard works for the rogue CIA offshoot that is manipulating and hunting Mike and the gang.

On the other hand, a Jedi with a lightsaber sounds mighty tempting.

Since I’m only familiar with Mike and the gang, and I don’t have time for an extensive googling to find out this Ahsoka’s record, I’m gonna have to go with the Burn Notice crew. Though it’s likely Sam is gonna get bit, and have to die. Except he’s Bruce Campbell, so he has a survival bonus against zombies.

20

Why would I need rescue from my loyal undead minions?