You're using my Chap Stick? What the hell is wrong with you?

I keep a Chap Stick at my desk at work. I tend to forget them until I need them and then of course don’t have them. Yesterday I notice that the little winder stick in the middle has just started to break through the stick.

This morning I go to apply some and the hole from the winder stick is completely bored out. I can formulate three possibilities:

  1. The Chap Stick has somehow partially melted and the wax has amazing redistributed itself;

  2. Someone screwed down the stick and removed the plug to mess with me; or

  3. The person who sits at this desk in the evenings is using a stranger’s Chap Stick.

I am so grossed out right now.

You’re leaving your Chap Stick where other people can use it? What the hell is wrong with you?

Do you really care?

I don’t like other people using my toothbrush, except in an emergency, but who cares about other stuff?

Nobody expects someone to use something that’s so obviously personal. I have a bad habit of keeping chapsticks and lipglosses in my pocket. Which sometimes bites me at laundry time.

Sabotage your chapstick! Dunk it in the toilet and keep it out. You’ll have to buy a new one, but now you know your thieving neighbor gets what is coming! Kinda like ass pennies.

… ass pennies?

Would you non-sharing Chapstick users be willing to drink from a bottle that someone else had been guzzling from?

If I’m out with someone and we are thirsty and have one bottle to drink from, we share it, and wiping the mouth of the bottle is in poor taste - it’s like saying “I think you are diseased.”

What TroubleAgain said. It would never occur to me to use something like a Chap Stick that belonged to someone else, especially someone I didn’t know. In a pinch I’ve borrowed my best friend’s lip balm, but to just pick up some random stick left on a desk and actually use it? Disgusting.

Yes I care. First, it’s rude to use other peoples’ stuff without asking. Second, I don’t know this person or what diseases they might have.

Evil Jodi would be tempted to rub it all over my butt and then put it back. But really I’d probably just throw it away and take that as a disgusting lesson on leaving personal hygiene items where other people can use them. You thought no one would use your chapstick because that’s icky, but once again you’ve underestimated people’s capacity for icky behavior.

No.

Again, what in hell are “ass pennies”?

Lincoln logs? Four score and seven rears ago?

Ass Pennies

utterly hilarious sketch from the sadly short-lived sketch comedy show, Upright Citizens Brigade

Oh.

Do you think that’s what someone was doing with Otto’s ChapStick?

Too right. I had a (fortunately inexpensive) favorite (flavored) chapstick once that a friend asked to borrow. Not wanting to be rude, I let her use it. But because I knew she was an oral herpes sufferer (and looked like she had a lesion starting), I just stuck it back in my pocket, and threw it away later, when she wasn’t around, to avoid hurting her feelings. Now, maybe I could have or couldn’t have gotten herpes from that, but I wasn’t about to take a chance. Why someone would use a random stranger’s chapstick is beyond me.

patent pending: “snake in peanut brittle can” concept miniturized to chapstick container.

Time for some SPF 451

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Um, are your sure it’s YOUR Chapstick you’ve been using? Was your name on it or something?
(I’m reminded of Authur Dent’s biscuits!)

Maybe you should pick up a tube of Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Balm and leave it in your desk.

Or just take your standard chapstick and shape the end like the head of a penis.

No. Ew! You’d pick a water bottle off some random person’s desk and drink from it? Gross!

You could take an empty tube and fill it with butter or something. Get creative.

Why yes, my job is boring. Why do you ask?