# You've got questions, Dopers have answers: Life's most boggling questions solved!

Seeing as there are hundreds of questions out there that no one has bothered to answer for years, such as, “If it’s 0 Farenheit degrees today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what temperature is it?”, it’s only proper that we of the Straight Dope set out to solve these mysteries as a service to humanity. I’ll start:

Q: How can it be “cold as hell” one day and “hot as hell” another?

A: It all depends on which hell you are talking about. Many people raised on the views of the Bible believe that hell is a place of fire, brimstone, and eternal suffering away from God. However, Dante’s view of hell is that it gets colder the further you go down, as you are getting further away from the warmth of God. Therefore, it is perfectly valid that it can “cold as hell” in the winter and “hot as hell” in the summer .

Next question?

A co-worker said something the other day that was pretty offensive but seems mixed to me.

How can something be “gay as sh*t”?

Try that one on, fancypants.

It depends on how happy your sh*t is.

[QUOTE=Cockatiel]
“If it’s 0 Farenheit degrees today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what temperature is it?”, it’s only proper that we of the Straight Dope set out to solve these mysteries as a service to humanity. I’ll start:

[QUOTE]

Assuming we generally define “cold” as anything less than room temperature then twice as cold as 0 degrees would be negative room temperature.

And to pose my own question:

How can it be that both dumb-ass AND smart-ass are bad?

Q: "If it’s 0 Farenheit degrees today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, what temperature is it?"

A: To answer this problem, you have to convert the temperature to a new scale. Fahrenheit is no good because as you can see 0 degrees Fahrenheit is not as cold as you can go especially if you live in North Dakota. We must convert it to the absolute temperature scale, Kelvin, that goes all the way down to absolute zero.

We take 0 degrees Fahrenheit and convert in Kelvin:
0 degrees Fahrenheit = 255.37 degrees Kelvin

We divide the Kelvin temperture in half:
255.37/2 = 127.685 degrees Kelvin

We convert 127.685 Kelvin degrees back to Fahrenheit:
We find that it will be -229.84 degrees Fahrenheit tomorrow :eek:

Better bundle up.

I have a sticker on my ski rack that boldly proclaims, “When Hell freezes over, I’ll ski there, too!”

But I’ll admit, I’ve often wondered when I would find the time, since I’ll be so busy screwing super-models and enjoying quality programing on DishTV.

Funny you should mention this. I actually had my shit smile at me the other day. It grinned from one ear of the bowl to the other. It was so exceptionally happy shit that before disappearing down the hole it twirled around madly as if it were saying “Ta-ta, sweetcheeks!” .

M’dear, we may be in the wrong thread.

How are a fat chance and a slim chance the same thing?