I would build a house in the town I live in. It’d have an in-law suite for Dad, plenty of storage space, a whole house generator, a fancy office and library for me, bedrooms for the kids I’d still like to have or adopt, a wide heated driveway, and a bi-weekly maid coming to pick up after us.
I’d adopt some kittens too. A second Maine coon, a Siamese, and a Himalayan or Ragdoll to give Shamus, who is now an only cat, someone to play with.
And I’d get all of my teeth pulled and replaced with implants. I have one of the mildest forms of hereditary brittle teeth diseases, and I’d probably be better off without them.
I would love to go to a top-notch salon where a top-notch stylist would look at my hair and my face, accept my preference for a no-fuss 'do, and give me a haircut that I’d love.
Also, I’d book a suite for a cruise because I always wondered what they’re like. Balcony cabins are nice, so a suite must be really nice…
One thing I’ve been kicking around in my head is that it would be nice to give myself a budget ($1k/month? 10k?) and just donate to kickstarters and go fund mes. Traditional charities, sure, but it’d feel nice to just help out random individuals based on my moods and whims and also NOT end up on A List so I get endless calls and junk mail.
And a nanny/tutor. My kid isn’t young enough to need constant supervision and attention, but someone else to do pick ups/drop offs? To help with the projects and homework? Oh, that would be amazing. Just some eager college kid needing a part time job, a couple hours a day. Not full-time diapering or anything.
And while I too would upgrade my car, I would also take a lot more taxis or Ubers/Lyfts/etc., especially as someone said above when going into a city.
And in my new house, I would have a really nice craft room. Lots of shelves and drawers and a big empty table. Plenty of room to move around.
I itemize a general distribution plan every time the jackpot increments. My current plan has me endowing a charitable foundation with $32.5M; putting $7.5M in mad money in my wife’s checking account (and another $7.5M in my own); setting aside a fund of $29.7M for distribution of gifts to family members ($462K each to siblings, and their spouses, $231K for my daughter’s cohort and spouses, and $115.5K to that cohort’s offspring; this fund has been calculated to include money for gift taxes); and investing $14.3M in tax-free municipal bonds to cover our living expenses in for the rest of our lives. Federal income taxes due will be paid out of the residual.
This will leave about $3.4M, up to one million of which I intend to use on buying a house; up to one million on medical procedures for family and friends; a third million dollars for paying off all of my relatives’ student loans; and about $400K to throw a big party.
I would definitely spend a few shekels putting my 2013 Prius back into shape. I would then sell it (or give it away), and have the recipient drive me over to a Tesla vendor.
I’d contact the author of my favorite webcomic, find out how deep his money pit currently is, and write him a check to fill it in.
And I’d contact R.K. Milholland, and commission the completion of New Gold Dreams.
I’d pave the parking lot at my favorite MTB trail to run on. It’s dirt that’s gradually eroding away so that the parking area is already about a foot below the road.
Then I’d fund some full-time trail maintenance positions for the local organization that builds and maintains the trails. Maybe a dedicated steward for each of the longer trails.
I’d finish fixing up this house and donate it to a family that needs it.
Hire a full time chaffeur.
Have a full time beauty consultant to do makeup, hair, and fashion advice.
Have my own vinyl press to make records (they’re rarer than you think).
Have a vintage car garage–but not the typical ones like 57 Chevys or Mustangs. A Studebaker Lark or a Plymouth Valiant is much more interesting to me.
And this verges on not so modest, but have my own publishing press that only researches and publishes niche titles that interest me and only me.
I’d make sure that my kids and nieces/nephews didn’t need student loans, and that my parents, aunts, and in-laws were able to modify their homes and hire help to keep them safe and healthy in their own homes as long as possible.
I’d also contract with a local veterinarian to spay/neuter and vaccinate every stray that gets dumped here. Starting with the family of 5 kitties at my house now, and the 6 that a friend fostered this summer after pregnant mama delivered on my porch this summer.
(We can’t actually afford it, but the bitter half and I have agreed that we will have the current litter fixed and vaccinated before rehoming. It’s a drop in the ocean, but we are tired of caring for sweet kitties dumped on our property. We are willing to eat a lot of beans and rice if that’s the difference between trying to rescue 30-40 kittens from the woods every year, and scraping and begging for veterinary care for the ones that are seriously hurt or ill.)
That’s what I’d do, minus the personal assistant, although that wouldn’t be a bad idea occasionally as a driver. I’d buy modest places to stay in Orlando, Ithaca, London, and Breckenridge, and spend late summer/early fall in Breck, late fall/early winter in NYS, Orlando for January and February, back to NYS for March and April for the spring thaw and good waterfalls, and London for May, June, and some of July. Plus, besides Ithaca, they are all touristy areas so I could hire a company to rent them out while I am gone and that would have the added advantage of making sure nothing egregiously wrong happens to them while I’m away.
I would replace all my clothes, aside from a few items people gave me as gifts. I don’t have expensive tastes, but new suits of clothes, clothes that aren’t from Walmart or Old Navy, would be really nice. Good shirts, pants, three or four suits from a proper haberdasher, and all new shoes (except for my cross trainers, which are good Nikes, and just bought.)
Then I’d pay off my sister’s and my student loans and put some money aside for my nieces so they don’t have to worry about student loans. And some for Mom so she can not worry about not working anymore.
And the animal shelters in the area would be set for a looooong time for funding.
The humane shelter from which I adopted my current dog needs repairs to a roof. They can’t use that wing when it rains heavily. I’d repair the roof, and give a donation to top it off.
I’d hire a landscape artist to improve my property, then some groundskeepers to maintain it in top condition. I’d offer their services to others on my street.
Provided this is deemed sufficiently modest, I’d fund crews to clean up litter in all sorts of scenic spots. (There’s a theory that if people see litter many feel free to throw more, whereas in a spotless they tend to behave well.)
Addendum: I would also buy life memberships to several academic organizations. American Historical Association, American Folklore Society, Western Folklore Society, etc.
Give a reasonable amount monthly to ever Patreon artist, developer, etc, that I happen to like. It’s something I wish I could do now, but can only afford one intermittently, much less every one I’d like to.
Buy whatever food I want, instead of always looking for good price on something I find decent-to-good. If I want expensive things, I wouldn’t have to think ‘is it worth the price?’
Not wait until games that I want are on sale to buy them. It’s rare that I buy games that aren’t at least 50% off these days, cause I can’t afford to be spending a lot just to get something sooner. I’ll wait a year for it to go on deep sale. But I wish I didn’t have to, because buying the ones I really like full price gives developers the message that I want more of those.
I would like to have two Christmas trees. Now, trees aren’t that expensive, but they take up a lot of room. So to properly have the two trees I want, I’d need a lot of space in my new gazillionaire house. One would be a sentimental tree. Ornaments I’d made or been given as gifts or stuff that’s been around for years. The other would be a stylish tree I’d probably get new stuff for every year. Now, again, that’s not a hugely expensive thing, but I choose at this time not to decorate a tree from scratch every year and just drag old crap out of the attic.
But with money to burn? A whole new decoration theme every year. And I’d donate the stuff when I was done. It’s such a silly, unnecessary thing that I would love to do if money AND space were no object.
