Conspicuous consumption

As I was showering this morning and shaving my head, it occurred to me that if I ever hit the lottery big, I would shave every morning with a new Fusion cartridge. Or maybe have my loyal Asian masseuse Miko do it with a freshly-honed unicorn horn. Or maybe take a page from George Hamilton’s book and wear brand-new underwear every morning. I used to envision waking up to a glass of fine champagne from a fresh bottle every morning, but that has paled.

What would you doing in the name of comfort, if money wasn’t an object and you could waste whatever you wanted?

I would spend six months of every year living in California and six months in Australia, so I never had to deal with winter weather or early sunsets.

I’d hire someone to do my laundry and balance my checkbook. I could probably afford that now, but it just seems wrong to get that far out of the real world. I have the time to do both of them, I just don’t like doing them so they wait forever. Plus it’s kinda icky to think about someone else folding my underwear. Oh, I know! I’d have clean sheets put on the bed every day. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

What else? Hmmm. I’d probably drink better wine every night. It’d be kinda nice to knock back a $100 bottle with regularity and not worry about it. And I’d ship in really good food and hire a good chef so I’d eat well every day.

That might be kinda hard???

Cars, clothes and women. Oh, and I’d travel. And bring some of each along.

Pay someone to do all the work my wife should be doing, but doesn’t.

And hire a lawyer…

Why would that be hard? Doesn’t Australia face fall and winter when California is experiencing spring and summer, and vice-versa?

I’ve always said and will always strive toward my life goal of “I want to have enough money to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it” (Balanced, of course, with, "I want to find somebody I love and raise a family, although if you asked me a year ago that wouldn’t have been included)

So, say, I want to go mountain climbing? Spend a few months training for it and go to some high peaks. Own an expensive car? learn how to drive it and take it to some tracks. Fly my own helicopter? Hire a trainer and go.

Yup. And the rest I’d just piss away.

It’s not. I know people who do it. They live in Australia from about mid-October until about mid-April and then they move to the northern hemisphere for the other six months of the year. Of course, they have heaps of money so they can afford to maintain establishments in two separate countries.

Yes, although it’s known as autumn here.

I’d buy a huge chunk of land (hundreds of acres) and build a tiny cottage smack dab in the middle. No maids, no butlers, no expensive cars.

Just me and the trees.


Now that sounds wonderful.

Well, okay, I’d take my husband. But he’d find it wonderful, too. And that’s what we’d piss our money away on - acres and acres of land. Then no one can touch the trees, and we’d live quietly in the middle of it.

Somewhere that it snows sometimes, though. I’d like to have kids, and take them out on winding paths in a toboggan. I know, I know, one day they’ll move out and want their cars, clothes, and women. :wink: But until then… ahhh. I think that would be nice.

I’d bet it all on black on the roulette wheel. That way, if I win, I’ll have double the fortune!

Make it Buenos Aires and Barcelona. Or maybe Santiago de Chile and Barcelona. Both houses larger than needed, with room for guests and way too much moolah thrown into computer systems. Instead of direct flights, I’d take trips with long stopovers.

I’d get a pilot’s license but not necessarily a plane.

To be honest, I can’t think of anything. Probably travel. Any consumption that we did do would be intentionally inconspicuous. We’re not clothes horses. We don’t have room for the travel knick-knacks we already have. I have a '93 Honda Civic and I won’t replace it 'til it gives up the ghost.

I suppose we could get a new stereo (I’ve had mine since the early 90s) and my wife wants a newer TV. We would also probably go to concerts more. But as far as daily “luxuries”, that’s really not what floats our boat.

I’d probably have someone to clean my house at least once a week or a few times a week - not live-in, but someone who would stop by regularly. Also, there would be an on-call babysitter we could use every single weekend - right now we try to get out twice a month without the little rugrat, but it doesn’t always happen and it’d be nice to have more quality time with my husband.

Oh, and I’d get a new tub. A really, really nice deep tub - perhaps a Japanese soaking tub. Ahhhhh…

I would have the woodshop of my dreams custom built and stocked with the finest power and hand tools in the world. Then I’d hire a master craftsman and pay him $250,000 to teach me everything he could teach me in one year. After that I would scour the world for the finest reclaimed lumber from which to build exquisite jewelry boxes, bookcases and patio furniture. (sigh!)

New underwear everday, maid, and I’d travel a lot. And bring my dogs with me.

I would open a brand new jar of Marmite every day, for the sheer pleasure of dipping a knife into its unsullied, crumb-free, glossy-brown surface.

It’s the little things…

I’d hire someone to make and bring me super healthy, tasty food. My fridge would always be stocked with just the right things so I wouldn’t have to go to the grocery and be tempted to buy sweets and I’d always have fresh fruit and freshly cooked vegetables on hand (which is close to how I eat now but I have to make the trek to Whole Foods to stock up and I’m always tempted by the tres leches cake and queso dip…).

And the cleaning thing. I could probably afford to hire someone now but it just seems so wasteful to pay for something I should have a handle on myself.