I’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression three times so far, and have gone on meds each time, and the first two times, was able to go off after a while. The last diagnosis was four years ago, this time with generalized anxiety disorder and occasional panic attacks. So I’ve been on a cocktail of meds since then: antidepressants, benzos (which I DON’T abuse, and which saved my life before the ADs kicked in), and trazodone for occasional insomnia. The ADs I’ve been on this time around are Serzone, then Paxil, then Wellbutrin, and now Celexa for two years.
It’s well-known that ADs can “poop out” after a period of time. Well, the Celexa very slowly started pooping out last year, and has been rapidly losing its steam over the past four months or so. Yes, I have good days, even stretches of them (today was a good day and I felt great, but this after a bad two weeks), but lately it’s gotten quite bad. I’m trying to do things that pick me up, such as going to Dopefests and generally being with friends more often (I’m an urban hermit - go figure). But my day-to-day is just… blah.
I had a breakup in January that took me an inordinate amount of time to get over, probably because I was already starting to feel more depressed. (I’m fine about it now, and get along very well with the guy in question, in case you’re wondering.)
My appetite has been decreasing to the point where some days I’m not even hungry enough to have lunch at work, or if I do, I only eat half of it. Today was the first day all week I managed to finish lunch (as I said above, it was one of those rare “good” days). I’m tired all the time, in all senses.
And all of this is affecting my work. I have trouble thinking strai- er, clearly and it takes a huge effort to get my job done right. Given the uncertain situation at my company, now’s not the time to start fucking up (well I was for a while, actually, but I’m doing better now) - that could land me on a “potential layoff list.”
A couple of days ago I realized it’s been months since I’ve even wanted to have sex. Even the last time I did, I just wasn’t into it. Then I realized that I can’t remember the last time I had an erection, with the obvious exception of involuntary ones during sleep. And this from a gayboy who’s surrounded by cute young engineers at work.
So there you go: all of the classic symptoms. The Celexa has pooped out. I either need a higher dose, or to switch meds. What sucks is that my PDoc has left Montreal forever. He gave me the number of another gay doctor (a GP, not a shrink) so I can at least get meds and have someone to follow me.
I’ll finally cut to the chase: have any of you had “antidepressant poop-out” as well?
Must call the new doctor. This has gone on too long, and I deserve to feel better than this.
Thanks for reading.