I’ve been accused of some dumbass shit in my time, but this takes the motherfucking cake.
Recently, I attended a baseball game featuring my hometown independent league team. A good friend of mine is the trainer of the team, and he gets free tickets for the games. I frequently accompany his fiance to games, as I’m a baseball addict, and she likes the company.
On the day in question, we were joined by the trainer’s sister, who is a lawyer like myself (spare me the lawyer jokes, I’m getting to a serious rant here). We were in the good seats, right behind home plate, 2 rows off the field. The PA system down there is pretty loud, and Kris and I were sharing some war stories, when the fuckwad in front of us turns to me and asks us to “keep it down”.
To quote the great Castanza, I was without speech. Here I was, at an open air sporting event, surrounded by 6000 people, not shouting obscenities at the players, not spilling my beer on anyone, just sitting & visiting with a pal, and I GET TOLD TO BE QUIET!! In the 5 seconds I sat gaping at this unbelievable asshole, I realized he was serious. My first comment was “You can’t hear the ball?” to which he replied “that’s right”. By way of closure, I rejoindered with “it’s not a movie, sir.”
Ooooh, but it gets better…
A few minutes later, Mr. Personality gets up and walks to the concourse. He sits down a few minutes later, followed by 2 security guys who walk down to the bottom of the stairs, look at him, then at us, then the rest of the section, then at each other, shrug, and walk away.
For the remainder of the evening, the three of us entertained ourselves by “shhhshing” the crowd when we scored a run, or commenting, “They’re awfully loud over there”. And we went home giving it no more thought. I even asked the beer lady if she thought this guy was from Mars, and she agreed with me - this guy was a kook.
But it wasn’t over…
Fiance and I attended next afternoon’s game, and the guy at the ticket window who knows her asks her what the problem was last night? Turns out that when the asshole went and told on us to security, he said it was the trainer’s friends causing the commotion. Thus, when security was dispatched, the call went out on the radio, and every employee in the ballpark knew about it.
She and I decided to go talk to the GM, just to tell our (the rational) side of the story. Not only did the asshole call security, he FILED A COMPLAINT after the game, saying that we were verbally abusive and CALLED HIM NAMES! OH MY GOD!! NOT NAMES!!!
What kind of a demented, head-planed-firmly-up-ass cockwrench tells people to be quiet at a public sporting event, and then files a tattle-tale lie of a snitch report when he doesn’t get his way? I mean, fuck!
Apparently, he even phoned back the next day to see what was going to be done about the “incident”! There wasn’t an incident, fuckstick, maybe you oughta stay in your fucking basement where the rest of the world won’t bother you anymore!!
Thankfully, the ballpark treated this weasel as the crackpot he obviously was, but I ask you - is this reasonable behavior?
Maybe he just didn’t like lawyers…