To: People sitting behind home plate, on their cell phones, waving
I see this at least a couple times every time I watch a game on TV: in the background, as someone is batting, there’s someone in the stands behind the batter, cell phone at their ear, waving. I know they are saying “Oh my god, you can see me on your TV screen? Hi, Shelly! Hi!” You’re sitting in the best seats in the stadium, seats that cost you (or someone) about $200 each, and you’d rather talk on the phone and wave at your friends than watch the game?
To: Everyone sitting in the first row, anywhere in the stadium
See that guy running toward you? He’s a baseball player, and he’s trying to catch a foul ball. Do not lean over the railing to try and catch it yourself - it only counts as an out if an official player gets it.
To: Everyone near where a foul ball is coming down
It’s a baseball. Even the Official Major League Baseball versions can be bought at your local sports store for less than $10. Nobody is going to be impressed when you show it to them and say “This was a foul ball that backup second baseman Jeff Reboulet hit during the 7th inning of a game against the Brewers.” Don’t you think that elbowing four other people, including two little kids, out of the way to get it is a little excessive?
I’m not some fuddy-duddy who thinks all heckling is demeaning to the sport, but at least make it interesting. Shouting the right fielder’s name over and over in a sing-song voice does not qualify.
Addendum: If you’re trying to get your whole section to join the chant along with you and they don’t, it isn’t because they have no team spirit; it’s that they think you’re a annoying jerk and want you to go away.
To: Baseball announcers
Get some new catch phrases. Just because every other announcer in broadcast history has said “they’ve got no place to put him” when the bases are loaded and there are three balls on the batter doesn’t mean you have to.
Thank you for your time.