1. Idiots who take cell phones to professional sporting events.
I think we have a winner in the Thing-I-Despise-Most-About-Yuppies contest.
When did this fucking trend start? I went to a Tigers game at the new ballpark a couple weeks ago, and they were everywhere. Once I noticed it, I’m seeing them all over in games on TV as well.
How important do you fucknoses think you are? The world can’t do without interaction with your sorry asses until a ballgame is over?
Then the ones I really love – when they put the camera on them, you see them talk into the phone and then start waving furiously. This means they were sitting there, talking to somebody, giving them play-by-play of the game or saying, “Am I on TV yet? How 'bout now? How 'bout now?”
How 'bout we shove that cell phone all the way up your rectum, and see how many of your friends I can dial by booting you upside the ass?
2. NBC’s little “The More You Know” commercials.
I’m not saying the causes being touted in these spots aren’t worthwhile. What bugs me is the condescension from these out-of-touch actors who tell you to run out and do this or that good thing. Like them giving you your marching orders was all you were ever waiting for.
Trust me, I know what you should do. I’m an actor on “Friends” or “ER.”
“Talk to your kids.”
“Be a mentor. You can make a world of difference.”
You go be a mentor. Then get back to me.
Yeah, that’s right. Put the coke straw down. Step away from the orgy and put your clothes on, then drive away from your gazillion-dollar mansion in ‘the hills,’ actually go somewhere where real human beings are and do something your fucking self!
Not as convenient and free of complication as making a quick little commercial, is it? But it might count toward your community service for that last drug- and weapons-possession charge.