ZPG Zealot: A troll too far

I’ll admit that I bought it for quite some time. I swallowed that you could believe in infanticide, forced abortion, handshake rape, and killing pregnant women and children lest they “steal” money via child support.* I swallowed those things because they are nutty, stupid, and extreme, but somehow still something that a nutty, stupid, and extreme person might believe.
Until today, and these gems:

](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13353753&postcount=51)

[

](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13354029&postcount=733)
Bitch, you are just making shit up. I expect half of the respondents to say they already knew that, and I’ll admit I was naive for not getting it before. (I also just found out that gullible is in the dictionary. Who knew?)

In any case, I shouldn’t be pitting you. I should be thanking you for turning out to be just a random liar and troll rather than the sociopathic monster you appeared to be before. But I fell for it, so now I’m all bitter and stuff.
*Cites available upon request once I get to a computer with an internet connection that isn’t the equivalent of Morse code sent via coconut, though if you missed these gems you should just consider yourself blessed by some deity, you lucky bastard (therefore vampire).

I think I really need to start a band called “Handshake Rape.”

Or “Vampire Bastards”.

I can’t speak to ZPG Zealot’s sincerity, but I can tell you that it is or was a real belief that illegitimate children would become vampires. So it isn’t unbelievable that her grandparents would believe that.

Well, maybe if they received child support, they wouldn’t need to suck blood!

(Really? Vampire bastards? REALLY? I think I was happier not knowing that she could be sincere.)

Handshake rape? What’s that?

There are all sorts of vampire legends out there. Remind me sometime to tell you about the Serbian vampire watermelons.

Start here, and one day you may begin to understand.

Wow. Just…wow.

So, let’s see, I’ve shaken hands with, what, maybe 300, 400, I don’t know, 1000 women if my lifetime. And as far as I can recall, I haven’t raped a single one of them.

Pitting endorsed.

Well, see, that makes perfect sense, since watermelons are obviously evil. Sheesh.

The only cites I can find are illegitimate children *of illegitimate children *become Romanian vampires.

I weigh that explanation against the explanation that ZPG Zealot is yanking chains.

I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am to have elicited the “so vile it’s like saying I support 9/11” comment.

I think I’ll just embrace my ignorance.

Yeah, I know I’m gonna get flamed for this, but your two examples are not all that bad. The grandparents probably didn’t really believe that bastards must become vampires, but used that story to make sure their kids didn’t create any. And putting child support for unwanted children on par with 9/11 is hyperbole but could easily be merely an exaggeration to show how much she really hates it.

Now, the rest of those sound pretty bad on the surface, but if your examples are equally as weak, ZPG Zealot probably isn’t actually a troll.

Well, it’s not too bad if you are bat shit crazy. If you are in any way sane, it seems pretty out there.

Actually, I’d say it starts just a few posts further up, at #39. The whole thing was prompted by her saying, “One thing I’ve noticed rumors of rapes and sexual violence always surface about the ones that stick out their hands automatically to women versus the men who wait for a women to offer contact.”

No, no, don’t you understand? You’ve raped them just by shaking hands with them!

**Shot From Guns **- on further reflection, I have to agree with you. I waffled between those two posts as to which one more clearly identified handshaking with sexual violence.

Really, the *whole thread *is just comedy gold once she starts spouting off her crazy bullshit.

If that is in response to my post, you make no sense. Ergo - bat shit crazy.

[quote=“cwthree, post:17, topic:567621”]

No, no, don’t you understand? You’ve raped them just by shaking hands with them!
Um…sorry?